(Closed) I’m so over this!! I don’t want a wedding anymore.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know exactly how you feel.

We had planned a 220+ person wedding but our venue closed down. After the months of stress and planning, I decided to cancle the big wedding, move the date up and have our closest people join us for a park ceremony and dinner at a restaurant aftewards. 

The restuarant was willing to close it off to other customers and we partied till midnight there.

It was honestly the best day of my life! I am so happy with our choice and would not have done it any other way!

With that said, only you know what will make you and your fi the happiest! Maybe you might just need a break from planning and then decide what you would like to do afterwards. 

Post # 4
14337 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think if he’s not helping plan to the point that its stressing you out like that, he doesn’t get a say in things anymore!  If he cares that much, tell him to step it up and do it.. otherwise plan the wedding the way you want.  Sit him down and talk to him about his desires and his contribution to planning and work out a plan.  Some people would say you’re lucky to have a guy that cares about it though, cause most people are complaining that their FI’s dont care about the details or any of it.

Post # 5
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think i call off my wedding at least twice a month! i know it sucks, and its hard but think about how disappointed you would be if you cant hae your dream wedding.

have you thought of hiring a planner??

You still have about 2 years left to plan right….take a break….make some task lists and sit down with your Fiance and figure out what kind of wedding you guys want.

im sorry your going through this! PM if you need some encouragement or just want to vent!!!!

Post # 6
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My girlfriend just had the same meltdown.  She was making herself miserable trying to deal with the stress of planning and dealing with both her and her FI’s family.  Her Fiance was absolutely no help (in the planning aspect) and there was all kinds of guest list drama and she finally had enough.

So, instead of their big wedding next May, she put her foot down and scheduled a ceremony at the local courthouse for this Friday.  No family, no friends, just her and her Fiance.  Afterwards, they are going to go to dinner with close family.  In the end, she is so much happier and is actually excited to get married again.  She realized that the fairytale wedding just wasn’t for her, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Post # 7
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I assume what you feel is normal.  Have any (legal) stress relievers? Like yoga?

I’m having 40 people come see us get married with one Maid/Matron of Honor in a sheath dress followed by dinner at a nice restaurant.  Best decision I ever made.  If you had other dreams and wedding ideals, chances are you’ll regret it.

Fiance isn’t helping me either.

Post # 8
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I noticed your wedding date is 2013 so you do have some time to weigh your options. I obviously don’t know what your budget is, but maybe you can look into a wedding planner or wedding coordinator. They will save you a lot of grief & so worth the money.

Post # 9
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We did this–both of us decided we didn’t want a big wedding but were nervous about telling each other at first. Once it was out in the open, all the stress vanished. We decided to invite our nearest and dearest to the courthouse and a restaurant reception, and it worked beautifully. (We also spent maybe $1k total.) 

You don’t have to have a big wedding to get married.

Post # 10
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

eek! it’s okay!

if you’re wedding date is in 2013, you’re fiiiiiiiiine – just take a breather. weddings are stressful, i’m less than 50 days out and with a to do list a mile long, so believe me, i know! really, there’s 2 considerations:

1) do you want to spend the rest of your life with your FH?

2) what kind of wedding will you be happy with?

if yes to #1, let’s continue ;]. if you don’t care about centerpieces, open bars, first dances and all that jazz then cut it out of your plans. if all you want is a white dress and a promise, then go with that – a small ceremony with family and like you mentioned, and a simple family dinner. I will caution you with your plan though – a priest will not marry you on the beach.

Post # 11
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I did call it off, I completely lost it… Well, it’s more like I “suspended” it. My caterer could no longer send servers, the cake couldn’t be delivered when we needed it, I had an oversized dress that my seamstress wouldn’t take it, my mom wanted all the bells and whistles and I didn’t… All I wanted was a ceremony and an awesome cookout for as long as I can remember. Once I started telling people how I felt, that I didn’t want any of the things we were planning but I did want to marry my fiance, they were like “um yeah, I’ve never seen anyone hate planning a wedding as much as you did”. No one was surprised. So I just re-planned. I called vendors and cut way back on what we were getting or asked for my deposit back and a lot of them could accomodate me. I changed my package for photography, cancelled my cake and ordered a different dessert that would feed much more people from the same bakery etc. Now were having a pig roast at home, we need more help from people but it’s been kind of fun planning with friends.

You shouldn’t be crying. The wedding industry has completely lost it’s mind and it’s all targeted towards pressuring couples to feel like their wedding won’t matter if they don’t have every. little. detail. just. so. Because that makes people very very rich. I scaled down from a $15,000 budget to about $5000, and since I decided to do so I’ve had a great time planning for the most part. The idea of an intimate beach wedding sounds awesome! (But if you want a Catholic priest it will need to be inside a church.) It’s just a lovely image, a bride with a flowy dres blowing in the wind… and then you can actually SIT DOWN with your guests and spend real time with them. I think it’s great that your marriage and your guests are really what’s important to you. And guests just do what they’ll told, if people heard it was going to be a big wedding then they hear it got scaled down, they’ll just say “oh, okay”. Do what’s right for you.

Post # 12
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly I know how you feel, it’s stressful planning a wedding, but you have lots more time than I did… and I’m doing this solo too!  Fi’s are usually NO help!  Sometimes I wish I did something smaller, but in the end, there might be regrets.  I honestly just can’t wait for this wedding to be over though, I feel like this wedding planning is taking such a toll on my Fiance and I… all we seem to do is argue lately about wedding related things, and I’m just ready for life to get back to normal! 

Just stay organized, take things one day at a time, don’t overwhelm yourself with the big picture.

Post # 13
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Deep breath. Think about wedding planning as a way to cement your foundation as a team. As a team, you both need to be onboard and participating with the planning and implemenation. Put everything on pause until you are both 100% onboard with a general vision and share mutual goals. Then divide the “to-do” list in a fair manner so that neither of you are carrying the load alone. You are planning a celebration to join two lives and two families together. If this is bringing you to tears already, something is clearly not working. Get to the root of the problem, talk it out, make decisions together, and then move forward with whatever you decide is best for you as a couple.

Post # 14
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Kamazing: Im so sorry you feel this way… like Princess said, you still have 2 years so take a breather in between before you make yourself sick. I am glad that my Fiance and I waited to do our wedding until next year because I know I would be a basketcase right now.




Post # 15
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally understand how you feel and I can relate to an extent, but fortunately I didn’t experience any extra hair loss over it. I have spent a lot of time crying and had my fair share of nightmares though. The thing is we are having a simple wedding in Las Vegas with no guests, but we agreed to let my Future Mother-In-Law throw us an at home reception when we return so we can celebrate with our families. The at home reception and lack of communication between my Future Mother-In-Law and I is what has caused me all the stress. If I would have known it would be this stressful, I would have decided against letting her throw us an at home reception. Unfortunately, it’s too late for us now to change our mind so we’re just going with the flow and trying not to get too upset or stressed no matter what happens. I think you should let your Fiance know how you feel and hopefully you both can come up with a solution so everyone is happy.

Post # 16
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would def change it if I could.  Did the wedding on the beach, cute reception at a beautiful restaurant afterwards, walked on the boardwalk in my gown.  Greatest day ever!  Now in two weeks I am having a party for all my friends and family, which most are just his family.  I loved the planning at first but now the budget has gotten out of control and for what?  If I were you, I would keep it simple, simple doesn’t mean it’s not going to be a wonderful memory and day, because mine was.  I wish I could cancel the at home reception, but too late.  Two more weeks and it will be over!  That sounds horrible but I am tired!

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