Post # 1
OK, I don’t have the ring yet. WHO CARES? We’ve set a date and booked a location. Our families and many of our closest friends are on-board and excited for us. But there are some people who I could just strangle who keep slipping in little comments (or blatantly saying to my face) that I’m not actually engaged and it is both frustrating and hurtful.
I think it came as a shock to a lot of people that we got engaged so soon (after dating for a little over than 6 months), but I believe that when you know, you know. I had previously dated someone for 4 years and that went nowhere because in my heart I knew it wasn’t right. This time I know, but it bothers me when people judge me and my fiance because we aren’t conforming to whatever idea they have about what a proposal and engagement should be. I say live and let live, and I treat my friends accordingly, but I’m not getting it back from some people and it’s upsetting.
We’re getting my ring custom made using a family stone, so OBVIOUSLY to do that we are going about the ring process TOGETHER, with my family as well since my mom gave us the stone. It’s a process, as anyone who has done it knows – there’s paperwork and then it has to be sent to the artist and then takes however long to actually custom make the ring. So, while this is all going on, YES I’ve made plans, booked things, started planning. I’M EXCITED ABOUT IT! Of course I’m going to start doing everything, especially since it is important to me we marry next year for various reasons – elderly family members (on both sides) not in the best of health, a close friend’s wedding scheduled for October, and my INSISTENCE on not having a winter wedding all come to mind.
Even knowing all this, I’m still hearing negative comments from certain people. I’ve been very very good about not getting visibly upset or firing back nasty comments when I hear this stuff, but it’s hard (I’m rarely one to hold my tongue…). Anyone else out there dealing with this?
Post # 3
I’m partially in the same shoes – I started planning the same way – while my ring was being made. Most everyone was supportive, but there a few who reacted rudely.
Just hold your head up and when people make snarky comments, smile and say again how very excited you are.
I don’t think it’s a matter of holding your tongue, more that you make them feel silly for acting like that when you react with grace.
Hang in there!
Post # 4
people = petty. They probably don’t realize how hurtfull they are! If you are planning a wedding you are engaged! PS congrats 🙂
Post # 5
Good for you for taking it in stride! People can be so rude and not realize that they’re being inconsiderate. Congratulations!!
Post # 6
I’ve had to deal similar comments. I’ve been engaged for 6 months now and will be getting my ring soon. We are also having a custom ring made with a family stone and it’s been a long process to get the design we want. But I’m excited and I know I will love it.
In the mean time, the comments got to the point where I couldn’t handle it any more. People who knew I had gotten engaged would come up to congratulate me and go straight for my hand, scanning for the bling. I broke down and bought a cheap CZ ring. For $13 I now have some piece of mind. I recently attended a corporate dinner with my fiance where it was my first time seeing many of his coworkers since we got engaged. The fake saved me from having to tell my *missing* ring story over and over.
I have never been a diamond kind of girl, so to me the family stone is special becuase I love the symbolism of where it’s from, not how big and sparkly it is. That’s my personal life and personal choice, so I don’t mind putting on the fake to keep the ooglers at bay and when my ring does come in my joy will be true to me and not because it impresses anyone else.
Best wishes on your upcoming marriage!
Post # 7
They’re probably just jealous and or lame! My fiance and I were engaged looong before there were any diamonds in the picture — we both just knew! 🙂 Plan away!
Post # 8
I am not in the same situation, but I had to comment on what you said about knowing when it is right. My FI and I were engaged just under dating 6 months. We began talking about it after 4-5 months of dating. But it is true, when you know, you know! I do get comments about that…people asking if I really "know" him. But it is funny that the people closest to us, and therefore see us together the most, have never questioned it.
Post # 9
I have had the opposite problem, but i hope the words of wisdom that i was given can help you and be applied to this situation!!!
My boyfriend and I have known each other for almost 2 years, dating each other over a year and a half, and we KNOW that we are THE ONE for each other. Marriage has been discussed and an engagement is on the horizon. However, we are NOT yet engaged (he has not gotten down on one knee, anything along those lines, etc…) So, a few times I lost my mind bc people have referred to him as my fiancee or my husband, and it bothered me bc im like we are not at that stage yet!!!! (although i do believe engagement is imminent!!!!) Finally, after one of my neighbors called my boyfriend my husband for like the 10th time during a conversation we were having, I politely corrected him and said "We are not married or engaged yet." To which he responded to me "but it is obvious you both love each other very much and that both of your intentions are to marry and spend the rest of your lives together..why not speak it into existence?" This thought got me thinking….yes, I have been a little frustrated for the past few months because my boy hasnt officially popped the question, but I know he is intending to. he has told me whole heartedly that he wants to spend his life with me and marry me. I realized that if we know in the bottom of both of our hearts that we will be spending our lives together, thats all that matters, right? So i guess my advice would be screw the people who are "implying" you are not engaged simply because there is no ring yet…what matters is how you and your Fiancee feel about each other, and that you are moving in the right direction for your relationship, at the pace you both see fit. (i cant believe people get snotty over the fact that you dont have your ring yet!! do they still act the same way when you tell them that it is being custom made??!?)
Post # 10
First off…congrats! Second, hold your head high sister! Who ever said you needed to have a ring to be engaged? If you’ve both promised yourselves to each other, you’re engaged.
I’m Russian Orthodox, and in my faith, there are 2 services during your wedding. The Betrothal service, and the Crowning service. The Betrothal service is actually more important, b/c it’s when you’ve promised yourselves to each other and have denounced any other man or woman. That’s when you truly become engaged or betrothed to each other…that’s when we exchange rings, and that’s when our "vows" are said. The vows are much more important than the rings. The rings are just a symbol.
So…tell those naysayers that they’re wrong, and that you ARE engaged b/c you promised yourselves to each other!
Post # 11
Don’t worry! I’ve been planning our wedding too and the ring’s also on the way. Who cares what people think anyway? What’s important is how you two feel and that you are happy.
Post # 12
Congratulations! I know it’s hard, but you have to just ignore people. I don’t get why, but some people feel obliged to tear others down or bring them down to "reality" (or whatever their version of reality is). There will always be someone there to tell you that you’re wrong but what matters is that you and you FI (!!!) are on the same page. All the best to the both of you, make sure you post some pics of the ring—after you are done flashing it to the Debbie Downers in your life.
Post # 13
Congrats! I know it must be hard for you, but just be confident in your decisions.
I do have to say that before hopping on Weddingbee, I had never heard of people being engaged without a ring. I think to each their own and don’t see a problem as long as you and your FI are on board. My point in saying this is that I am not sure that it is necessarily common to a lot of people, So, people might be making odd comments out of surprise or something. I don’t think it is a license for them to be rude, but they just may have never heard of it.
Anyways, congrats again!!
Post # 14
I too had to wait through the "ring being made" debacle, and it’s such a pain to feel like you have to explain to people EVERY TIME someone asks about your plans. I too had to deal with a family stone and all of the specialness and time and honor that it implies. I too listened to a few snarky comments, both about my lack of ring and our "about time" status.
But now, I too have a ring I love and a special engagement and wedding plans in the works. And you too will be there soon! Just keep doing what you’re doing.
Post # 15
You can just go along with your plans and don’t worry about what people think. We had a date set and deposits paid before I was wearing a ring! I have a certain moment when I consider us "engaged" — as in, gone beyond talking about marriage and one day doing it and actually promising to each other to do it together.
And even after I got the ring, people weren’t sure it was an e-ring because it wasn’t a diamond. I’ve actually only had one negative comment, but it was a stinger. People can be really insensitive, or maybe they’re just set in their ways.
Congrats and happy planning!
Post # 16
It’s just a ring. I’s crazy that some people would make a deal over it. Honestly, FI and I got our rings, and now I’m kind of regretting it; it’s $ that could have gone toward a down payment on our house, which I would rather have…