I'm so sick of people inviting themselves…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Helloemi:  I JUST had this happen. I likely won’t invite her due to numbers, and she’ll just have to deal with it. Do the same thing with your SO’s dad. Our venue holds x amount. This is all we can invite.

Post # 4
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

My advice to you is if this happens just say something like thank you for wanting to support us on your big day but due to finances we are having a small wedding with just family and our closest friends. That will work. 

Post # 5
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

Sorry I meant our

Post # 6
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

FI had this happen to him at work. So many people asked to be invited to “any part of the wedding” possible. He really started to feel like we needed to invite them even if it was just to dance later on. Once we got into prices etc per person, he quickly changed his mind. FMIL also tried to invite a lot of extra people, like her co-workers. We just tell her we cannot accomidate any more people.

Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ha, people are so rude.  FI had an old coworker tell him that he’d be insulted if he wasn’t invited…so FI invited him.  And guess what?  The guy didn’t even RSVP.  We had to track him down (multiple calls) after the RSVP due date for him to let us know he wasn’t going to make it.  People are a trip!

Post # 9
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

That’s super weird. I think this is one of those things that people just say without thinking. :/

Post # 10
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

Tell them you are eloping when the time comes. That’ll shut ’em up. Smile

Post # 11
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FSIL best friend who is also doing my hair and makeup invited herself to the bacholorette :/

Sometimes you have to suck it up or not be afraid to say “woah, I’m not even engaged yet!” And once you do get engaged, don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry, I wish you could come but we are having a very intimate wedding with just close family and a few friends”.

Post # 12
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

what you shouldn’t do and will definitely make it worse

do not post anything about your wedding on social media…EVER

some people have over 1k of facebook friends, doing that is basically telling everyone they’re invited.

do not talk about your wedding in front of people you don’t plan to invite….EVER

if they ask about  it, cut the conversation short IMMEDIATELY

this will definitely save you a couple of plates

Post # 13
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Helloemi:  Yep sorta the same for me except my parents don’t know my co workers.  They’ve only met Mr VB a few times and yet it seems once week I’m getting asked about the ‘wedding’ and if it’s going to be ‘close to where we are’ and ‘if they will get an invite’.  Ummmmm.

And how about unsolicited advice?  Just today:  “Spend money on the photographer if you splurge on anything.”  

Yep, I’ll remember that AFTER I’M ENGAGED AND PLANNING MY WEDDING!!!

Post # 14
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@elliptical2013:  Totally agree with this. I remember that there were so many hurt people who were not invited to this one person’s wedding because she would talk about it endlessly and put things publicly on FB (“reception hall is booked see you there [date]” and “save the date becomes informal” on two separate status updates). Eh.

 @Helloemi:  I don’t know. People are so weird when it comes to this stuff. So long as you don’t talk about it to those people you won’t be inviting. I would just say something along the lines of “oh, that’s really nice, but there is no wedding in the works!” – it will make them look silly. I do agree with a pp that said that most people don’t even think when they blurt things like that out.

Post # 15
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Helloemi:  This is not ok, it’s your wedding and YOU decide the guest list! anyone who is irked by this doesn’t deserve to be there anyway. It really bugs me how often I hear about people who aren’t the bride/groom inviting their own guests!

We’re putting our guest list together at the moment and we are strictly inviting close friends and family – only people who I couldn’t imagine not sharing our day with, that’s what it’s about after all!

The only exception I would make would be if YOU are ok with having them there and your future father in law is willing to pay the costs to cover these people (if they are his acquantances and he absolutely insists) and it doesn’t affect the venue you want.

It’s your day!!! Don’t let other people pressure you. Since being engaged i’ve learned that the people who are geniunely happy and excited for you with no alterior/selfish motive are the ones you want in your life 🙂

Post # 16
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Helloemi:  So you’re not even engaged yet. Why not take it as a chance to tell your partner how you feel/what you’re experiencing so that he can give his dad a “heads up” not to go off inviting a whole bunch of randoms the second you get engaged?

Of course don’t freak out your guy about marriage or anything if you’re both not quite ready/haven’t reached that stage of your relationship, but just make it clear that people have been asking you when you’re getting married and that you’re worried about people inviting themselves/taking advantage of your partner’s dad one day when the engagement does happen.

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