Post # 1
I love them to death, I really do. But whatever makes them think that they never have to say thank you to me for any of the thing I do for them just blows my mind. Honestly I live here for free with my FI, I get that. I make sure to thank them for that every time I get a chance. They buy us dinner, I say thank you…and act like it. I don’t take things begrudgingly and I’m not snooty. But they certainly are. I’ve offered to give them money before. I’ve even begged to give them money before to no avail. So I just stopped.
We live in our own space in the basement. I keep the basement relatively clean. It gets messy but it’s a small space. Anyways, I’m rarely upstairs except to get food, brush my teeth, or speak to his parents every once in a while. No one else besides FI even remotely cleans. I mean it’s nasty. His mom will do the dishes or the laundry but that’s it. I’m a pretty clean person and take the time when things get pretty gross to clean the house. I always do our dishes and laundry but when I clean clean I vacuum all of the rooms, disinfect everything, scrub the shower with bleach, and even clean the bathroom I rarely use.
The other day I spent 1.5 hours cleaning for them and what does his mom say when she walks in the door, “Why are there two bowls in the sink?!?” I’m sorry, but I just spent all this time cleaning up after YOUR messes, and you wanna complain that I was too tired to put two bowls into the sink? I mean when I clean I fill the vacuum up TWICE with dog and human hair. I nearly want to puke when I clean the kitchen. It shouldn’t be like this.
Anyway, the reason I’m so upset right now is that I went to get a shower in the shower I just laborously cleaned the other day only to find that someone (I think his dad as he was the only one in the shower this morning) showered with some sort of black shit all over them, left the shit in the shower, and never bothered to clean it out. I went in there and tried to rinse it off but it’s stuck in there and it’s nasty because I don’t know what it is. How hard it is to take like three minutes to clean up after yourself? OR even be grateful that someone in the house actually took the time to clean up the shower the other day and you are fucking it up again?
Sorry to vent but this has been going on for months now.
Post # 3
@SweetRose2011:You live free and they pay for your food. Maybe they feel the least you can do is clean their house. I think a thank you is respectful from both parties.
Post # 4
I understand the frustration of living with people who aren’t as tidy as you. But the fact is, you are a guest in their house and they can choose to keep it however they want. If you choose to clean for your own sanity, they have no obligation to keep it up or thank you. Just consider it a gift to yourself and move on.
Post # 5
Sorry, I agree with the above posters. You can’t live and eat in their house for free and complain that they don’t say thank you when you clean. It’s their home, if they want to slack off on their cleaning that’s their choice. They aren’t obligated to do anything, really.Stop cleaning their mess and you won’t have a reason to get upset when they don’t thank you for it and start completely changing their living habits.
I hate to say “If you don’t like it, move out” because I know it’s not always that easy, but…
Post # 6
I agree with the PPs that it is their home to do with as they see fit, but come on…black stuff in the shower?…YUCK. That’s just inconsiderate on so many levels…not to mention unsanitary. If you invite someone to be a guest in your home then you ARE under some obligation to provide a sanitary environment…sheesh. I would be mad as hell too. Is there any way that you and your FI can have an “assigned” bathroom that only the two of you use?
Post # 7
Living with in-laws is so often a stressful situation, I hope you guys are able to move out on your own at some point soon. Having observed similar situations before though, I encourage you to view it from your FMIL’s perspective. Do you think that maybe when you tidy up her area of the house, she might feel like she is being judged for being not-tidy? I know my mom has been uber sensitive to things said/done by my SIL that wouldn’t bother her if coming from her own kids. Just an idea…
Post # 8
I love my In-laws and feel extremely lucky that they are totally normal and we get along really well, but I know I wouldn’t be able to live with them for any extended amount of time, for the same reason I wouldn’t be able to live with my parents. It’s so hard because yes, they are your parents, but you are now also adults and need your privacy and space. And I like being in charge of my own meals, it’s exhausting and annoying to have to eat what someone else wants all the time.
When I’m visiting though, I have no problems helping out or sharing space, but probably becaue I know it’s only for a few days..
Post # 9
I know what you mean. Even if you don’t HAVE to clean, you do it out of the goodness of your heart. And you expect a ‘thank you’ for having gone out of your way even when you didn’t need to.
People justify things in their own ways. Your in-laws are justifiying their ‘thanks’ by letting you guys stay rent-free and providing food. It still helps to hear a word of ‘thanks’ because it really doesn’t take much to thank someone for something they have done for you, however all people don’t think like that.
If you were MY DIL, I would be thanking you left, right n’ centre because that is just the way I am. And it’s taken me a hard time to learn it too that everyone is not like me. My in-laws are a lot like yours. If I lived in their house for any amount of time, they would behave probably even worse than yours. Example: when we get invited over for Christmas dinner, my FFIL makes me clean up after and do the dishes!!!! (No jokes. But that is how he is. He will not ask you, he will tell you to do them. Yep. There are peepz like that out there.)
Post # 10
I think since you are living there rent free, you really cant complain at all. They probably expect that since you dont pay rent the least you can do is clean up the place. I think you should just work hard on moving out of there; thats really the only solution.
Post # 11
@JamaicaBride: well, there are three bathrooms in the house but there is only one that has a shower. The one upstairs has a tub but it’s never used. So while we have “mostly” our own place to use the restroom we have to share the shower.
To all the PP who stated that I need to do this because I’m living rent free: I asked FI this a million times when I first moved in. I actually lived with them for a while before we got our own place and then moved back in with them. The first time I lived here I kept asking his mother if she needed help with x,y,z and she was always say no. To this day I still ask if they need help with dinner or if she is doing something and I’m not. I’m not ungrateful at all and do my best to help them out. I mean, honestly, I’m not trying to be a bitch. Ignore my cleaning if you like. But if you make a mess in a location I just cleaned for good reason it’s respectful and kind to clean it up.
@KitKatNYC: I’ve asked my FI this. I used to clean when she was not at home hoping that if she did notice she wouldn’t be upset. She knows I’m a very clean person (she used to come to apartment a lot when we lived there and knew I cleaned ALL the time) so I don’t think she takes it personally (at least I hope not). I just assume that if I don’t like the way something is I better do it myself then to sit around bitching about it because otherwise that’s just rude.
@Sasha2011: thank you!
Post # 12
Ugh. It always sucks living with other people. I understood you weren’t so much upset that they don’t say thank you (although that would be nice) but that you just cleaned and he left gross black stuff all over the shower. Sounds like they are just not clean people.