Weddingbee boards

Sigh. I know everyone is down, and I've had a few downer posts lately, but here's another to slap on the pile.

My mom's car was repo'ed today. She's been unemployed since January. She gave me some money for our wedding before that happened, and I gave her what was left afterwards, and my husband used his own money to give to my brother to pay off the credit card debt he had accrued mostly from my mom using them (so total of about $3,000). Then, I was unemployed so I told her we wouldn't really be able to give her money. Plus, I was afraid if I kept giving her money, she would just become dependent on us and not be serious about finding a job. In all honesty, I have no idea how hard she's been looking. She is NOT the best at managing her money. She took my sister to the movies and stuff just this past week and she also bought her fake nails. I just feel like she shouldn't be wasting the money like that. She still has my youngest brother and sister at home, and my other brother is away most of the time at college (taking summer courses and staying on campus). It's just so hard. She's not married and has nobody else to help her. My dad is unemployed as well so she's not getting child support to help at all. She didn't qualify for unemployment, and only gets $300 a month from food stamps (hubby and I easily were spending $400/m on the two of us, and we only make dinner 5 nights a week!). THANK GOD the landlord of the house she is renting is very understanding and wants her and my siblings to be able to stay there and is trying to work something out with her, but without a car, I just don't know what will happen now. It will be impossible for her to work without a car because there is NO public transportation there. Also thank god that I just got a job myself. I REALLY don't want to send money home, but what choice do I have really? I'm only 21 and I feel like I've been forced to grow up way too quickly, ever since my parents have been divorced. It's also selfish, but I don't want to send money home because I really want my husband and I to be able to have our OWN lives. We still live with his parents because they don't work either and it's chinese tradition for the kids to take care of the parents. It really just sucks. Plus, I'm trying to save money to go back to college so that at least one of us between my husband and I will have a real career, but if I have to give my mom money, when am I supposed to be able to do that? I feel like we can't REALLY begin our life and future until then (as in, can't move to our own place, we won't have kids before I finish school and have a stable job, etc). It's just so hard :(

If anything, this whole situation makes me soooo grateful to have my husband because he is just amazing and is my rock and comfort in such a hard time. It's so nice to have someone to wipe the tears away sometimes. 

anyway, just trying to relieve some stress and tension

It is really hard. If it were JUST her, I wouldn't feel so bad about it and would be even less inclined to give her money, but my young siblings are there too. She really DOES have dependency issues. Ever since my parents got divorced (she was previously a stay at home mom) and the divorce just killed her credit. She moved in with a boyfriend, things didnt work, and moved out on her own, but she found a place she couldn't really afford and I remember utilities being shut off a couple of times that year, but she eventually got another bf, and moved in with him into his house. he was a fat jerk so she ended up moving back in with her mom, and moved back out when she found another bf that she thought was the one (she became engaged to the other two guys too), they went in together renting a HUGE house, but things didn't work out with either (surprise surprise. we all warned her...) and he left so she was left in a house she could no way afford, and then to make things worse, she got laid off. And this is where we are today. There is no way she'd let me budget out the way she spends her money. I even tried once but she just lives beyond her means and there was no way to make it work! Besides, I'm the know it all daughter(though I've been right on many occasions) so she doesn't like to take my advice. Besides, I can totally understand that as a mother, it would feel AWFUL to be depending on your young daugther and needing her help and advice, when, as the mother, it should be the otehr way around.

And get this. She's going to school and is set to graduate in December with a bachelor's in accounting...

I'm going to give her a call today and see what's up. She didn't really want to talk yesterday, understandably. But, she told me she was going to call one of the afforementioned exs (the 1st) and see if he can help her out with a car (they remained friends, he works with cars) but thats still a dependancy thing... nobody wants to help her anymore, money wise, because they've been doing it for so long. i feel like i'm the only one left who can help. i wish i could just bring my siblings here to take care of them, but they wouldnt want to leave their school and friends and there is literally no room for them here.

Mr. Joe and I have a nice weekend planned though, so hopefully that helps relieve some stress. ugh

I really don't know what is out there in terms of job assistance since it's largely a rural area. I talked to her a little bit today and asked if there was anything I can do to help, and she said that there is nothing anybody can do to help her except to give her a car... sigh. I know she's still upset and we don't always think properly in such states of mind, but I'm just at a loss. I was even looking at used cars in her area, thinking maybe we could buy her one with the stipulation that once she gets a job, the first thing she buys is a new car and we'll take the car we bought, since we don't have one and I know hubby has been wanting to buy one, but I don't see that working out...

I had a crazy dream the other night that correlated almost exactly with everything going on. I was trying to keep my family safe while there was a tornado, my mom was dragging her feet about it (like I said go to the basement, and she said "I'll be down there in 10minutes, or if the TV has a warning), but eventually gave in, and then once the tornado passed, it came back, tiny, through a window. I tried to destroy it, didnt work, so I tossed it out the window, but it was coming back so I shut the window and it ran into it, but it had transformed into a small bird. it fell in front of the window and was just sitting there, but had turned into a big black bird. i was trying to shoo it away so it wouldn't bother them anymore, but it turned into a snarling black and grey wolf, but i was still trying to make it go away, by trying to kick it in the face... but then I woke up.

Talked to her a little more yesterday. I offered to help her with utlities, and asked her if she has any that are in iminent danger of being shut off, but she said she has to look... idk, personally, I'd be on top of that sort of thing... even if I can't do anything about it, I would still be watching.

She also said she'll be able to get more state help now since she doesn't have her car (when she applied for medicaid and food stamps for herself, she was told her car was worth too much so only my siblings qualified). 

She is applying for Section 8, which is what the landlord wanted and suggested she do. Her ex-bf is coming by later today. I don't know if that means he is giving her a car or what. If he does, good, because otherwise Mr. Joe and I were trying to swallow the fact that we may need to buy her one with the stipulation that she gives it back as soon as she gets a job and can get her own. We don't even have a car yet, and the idea killed hubby that we'd have to buy a car for her instead of for us, because he has been saving for about 5 or 6 years now so that he can get a car (then he dumped the all money into an engagement ring for me. I love that man).