I'm soooo stressed out! :( Rly need to vent

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsHotPink:  Ugh! What a HORRIBLE family!

I would definitely talk to him about how uncomfortable you feel about the idea of her moving in with you.

I think we all know–once she moves in, she’s NEVER moving back out!

Post # 4
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsHotPink:  I think the nice part about this problem is how supportive your FI is trying to be. HOWEVER, this should not come at your expense. I’d talk to him about how uncomfortable you are with this arrangement and voice your (very legitimate) concerns about the financial burden you’re about to shoulder. 

Post # 7
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsHotPink:  I totally agree. Its hard, but even though they’re his parents, he shouldn’t be taken advantage of. It’s unfair to both of you. Good luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is this your house too?  I would suggest cousneling to help you both deal with this.  He should not be making unilateral decisions.  GL

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsHotPink:  

Sorry your going through this. Tell him your stressed from the wedding and since this is the first time you will be living together you dont want to add any other stress in by supporting his mom. This is your house too, so its not just his decision. Be open about how you feel about his mom moving in. If he insists on it, maybe you can suggest she go stay with the daughter and granddaughters? 

About the garage-its your garage and you should get to put your car in there! Thats the whole point of having a garage. Just tell your FI that YOU are keeping your car in the garage and you dont mind sweeping everyday. Knock that idea out of his head right now. 

The garage really struck a cor with me. Me and my SO have been living in apts forever. We are nowhere close to being able to buy a house yet, but are already arguing about the garage. He is asking if he can have the whole garage, and I keep telling him hell no! The best part about having a house is being able to park in a garage. 

If I were you I would talk to your FI soon. I would not wait until he brings it up incase his parents are asking for answers already. I would be scared he might tell them its ok and tell you after the fact. 

Post # 14
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MrsHotPink:  Remember this is less about his parents and more about the boundries he sets with them. Let him know that now you two are a baby family and that means he has to set new boundries with his parents. It’s going to be painful to say No, but he has to learn how to do it for the sake of your new baby family. 

How he deals with this will show you if his priorities are with them (and always going to be them) or with you and your new baby family.

Post # 15
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this right now…I would be frustrated too!!

How would you feel if it were your parents who needed help?  Are they good with money?  At least you can feel good knowing that if you can help your FI be supportive with his family, then if your family ever needs help/place to stay, he def can’t complain.

The garage thing-I’d be upset about too.  You should be able to park your car there…If you FFIL wasn’t going to park his car in there, you’d be sweeping up the mess anyway…so what difference does it make lol.  And the mom issue is a problem because, well, how long is this going to go on for?

I’m thinking that maybe you could try to help take a financial independence class WITH your FMIL, and maybe your FI too?  Maybe she’s just never learned basic money management…I learned a lot by reading ‘Your Money or Your Life’ and maybe that would be helpful too.  You wouldn’t need a class, you guys could go through the chapters and work through it together…and you could be like ‘I’m trying to learn financial skills, and I think it would be more fun if I had someone to do this with’.  Then she is (hopefully) not insulted and you two can bond over this.

As for the house…If you leave in a month, are you able to walk away from this investment?  If so, then, I can see your point about not letting the mom stay there and then leaving because, well…that’s not what you signed up for! 

Otherwise….have really loud sex until FMIL feels uncomftorable and gets the hint!!  J/K…I agree with PPs about counseling.  I can see your FI being all for family but maybe he doesn’t know how to convey the difference between being a supportive son and being a doormat, and he needs to learn the tools to effectively assert himself to them.

Good Luck!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors