Post # 1
So my FI and I have been arguing all the time since we started moving into our first home. We’ve both been working our full time jobs while doing this so it doesn’t help that were exhausted every night, but I find out last weekend that his mom may have to move in with us for a while because she’s been off work and can’t afford her bills, but I’m not sure because he told my dad and his dad she was never gonna move in, but told me the above. I don’t know if he told them no because they both would tell him he’s stupid for letting het move in. This is the very first time we will be living on our own and living together, so obviously I’m very excited for “Alone” time. Plus we’re not officially living there yet until next weekend. Obviously she has no money so she can’t pay for anything so now we’ll have to pay for another person when we don’t even know how all the bills for everything and food ect is gonna be for just us and to add another person to pay for before we even know that is very scary.
He has helped her soooo much. A couple of years ago he even bought her a car because hers went to shit and she didn’t have any money. He didn’t spend tons, but like $2000. That could have been money we used towards the house or wedding. She never paid him back either. She also offered to pay for the photographer and DJ for our wedding and then backed out because she didn’t have the money. His dad isn’t paying for anything and now his mom isn’t either. His dad didn’t help us move or do anything with the house. His mom did help paint in the basement and washed and put my stuff in the kitchen away, but I feel like she’s doing this so she can say well I helped you with the house so you should let me move in to get on my feet. I didn’t ask her to do those things either, she offered. If that’s why she helped than I didn’t need it. My dad and mom have helped us move in, paint, put stuff away, and even gave us some furniture and stuff. They have treated him like one of there own. It’s so sad that his parents treat him like this and then expect him to do all these things it’s just crazy.
It’s not our problem that she can’t manage her money and spends it on her daughter that should go out and get a real job instead of having all of us pay for her 2 daughters and another on the way. Everything is her daughter and granddaughters. Nothing is ever said about her son or me and he’s helped her out more financially, fixing her car, etc than anyone else has. She’s an adult and needs to start managing her money. She shouldn’t put this burden on her son. This may sound selfish, but I dont want her living there period. After all the shit we’ve been through with her. If I end up giving in and if she lives there over a month I will tell him it’s me or your mother. Sorry if it sounds rude, but It’s really sad that she’s coming in between us and I don’t know how much more I can take! We’ve been together 8 yrs and for it to end over this is just ridiculous. Our wedding is less than 9 months away so I have stress from that, the above situations, and work. It’s just too much. 🙁
Now last night my FI says “You may not be able to park in the garage in winter time because there is no floor drain and the floor will get wet and freeze unless you want to sweep it out every night. So if your not gonna park in it for the winter I’m gonna put my dad’s car in there” So now I feel like he’s trying to make an excuse of why I can’t park in there so his dad can put his dad’s car in there, but he doesn’t want to come out and say it. He’s got balls to not help us do anything or pay for any of the wedding then ask his son to put his car in there. This is just bullshit because this is my house too. We both put in the same amount of money in for this house And to not just come out and ask me. I hope things get better soon.
Sorry it’s so long. Just a ton of built up stuff I just had to get out. If anyone else has been in this type of situation please let me know, or if you have comments. Please no negative I’m upset enough already and just want someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay.
Post # 3
@MrsHotPink: Ugh! What a HORRIBLE family!
I would definitely talk to him about how uncomfortable you feel about the idea of her moving in with you.
I think we all know–once she moves in, she’s NEVER moving back out!
Post # 4
@MrsHotPink: I think the nice part about this problem is how supportive your FI is trying to be. HOWEVER, this should not come at your expense. I’d talk to him about how uncomfortable you are with this arrangement and voice your (very legitimate) concerns about the financial burden you’re about to shoulder.
Post # 5
@BrandNewBride: That’s what everyone’s been telling me that once she’s there she’ll never leave. Once he brings it up ill def tell him how I feel and I guess we’ll go from there. Thanks!
Post # 6
@KC-2722: He has told me they are his parents no matter what and needs to help them out. I understand that and I have stood by why he has helped them many times, but there has to be a time when he puts his foot down! I feel like they are just using him and that’s not right. I will def tell him how I feel about it when he asks. Thanks!
Post # 7
@MrsHotPink: I totally agree. Its hard, but even though they’re his parents, he shouldn’t be taken advantage of. It’s unfair to both of you. Good luck!
Post # 8
Is this your house too? I would suggest cousneling to help you both deal with this. He should not be making unilateral decisions. GL
Post # 10
Sorry your going through this. Tell him your stressed from the wedding and since this is the first time you will be living together you dont want to add any other stress in by supporting his mom. This is your house too, so its not just his decision. Be open about how you feel about his mom moving in. If he insists on it, maybe you can suggest she go stay with the daughter and granddaughters?
About the garage-its your garage and you should get to put your car in there! Thats the whole point of having a garage. Just tell your FI that YOU are keeping your car in the garage and you dont mind sweeping everyday. Knock that idea out of his head right now.
The garage really struck a cor with me. Me and my SO have been living in apts forever. We are nowhere close to being able to buy a house yet, but are already arguing about the garage. He is asking if he can have the whole garage, and I keep telling him hell no! The best part about having a house is being able to park in a garage.
If I were you I would talk to your FI soon. I would not wait until he brings it up incase his parents are asking for answers already. I would be scared he might tell them its ok and tell you after the fact.
Post # 12
@juanita.kelly.9: Yes it’s my house too. We have both put equal money into this house.
Post # 13
@animallover: Thanks for the advice. 🙂 I will def talk to him very soon and tell him how I feel and hopefully everything works out for the best!
Post # 14
@MrsHotPink: Remember this is less about his parents and more about the boundries he sets with them. Let him know that now you two are a baby family and that means he has to set new boundries with his parents. It’s going to be painful to say No, but he has to learn how to do it for the sake of your new baby family.
How he deals with this will show you if his priorities are with them (and always going to be them) or with you and your new baby family.
Post # 15
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this right now…I would be frustrated too!!
How would you feel if it were your parents who needed help? Are they good with money? At least you can feel good knowing that if you can help your FI be supportive with his family, then if your family ever needs help/place to stay, he def can’t complain.
The garage thing-I’d be upset about too. You should be able to park your car there…If you FFIL wasn’t going to park his car in there, you’d be sweeping up the mess anyway…so what difference does it make lol. And the mom issue is a problem because, well, how long is this going to go on for?
I’m thinking that maybe you could try to help take a financial independence class WITH your FMIL, and maybe your FI too? Maybe she’s just never learned basic money management…I learned a lot by reading ‘Your Money or Your Life’ and maybe that would be helpful too. You wouldn’t need a class, you guys could go through the chapters and work through it together…and you could be like ‘I’m trying to learn financial skills, and I think it would be more fun if I had someone to do this with’. Then she is (hopefully) not insulted and you two can bond over this.
As for the house…If you leave in a month, are you able to walk away from this investment? If so, then, I can see your point about not letting the mom stay there and then leaving because, well…that’s not what you signed up for!
Otherwise….have really loud sex until FMIL feels uncomftorable and gets the hint!! J/K…I agree with PPs about counseling. I can see your FI being all for family but maybe he doesn’t know how to convey the difference between being a supportive son and being a doormat, and he needs to learn the tools to effectively assert himself to them.