Post # 1
In one of my post I spoke of a relationship with one my “friends”. You may better understand this post if you read the previous one. Well since her wedding we have talked about the day and the level of discomfort I felt. But I have still felt distance not sure if I could trust her the same. And now that my nuptials are getting near she has not been involved in any of our activities to date but wants to be so involved in our wedding day. And the truth is I am not sure if I want her to be a BM, I have not officially asked her and she missed the gathering were we made the announcement to everyone in the Bridal Party, granted something came up but we also let everyone know well in advance, and we paid for the most part of the evening, so to me their was really no excuse.
I still feel very uncomfortable about everything that happened in the past and I feel that she is just here because she wants to be apart of everything and not actually be there for us. Also, as our frienship is concerned I feel like I am more of a convenience to her than anything.
How do I tell her? I mean I would be ok with her being a hostess, but I don’t want her as a BM, I don’t feel like she deserves that position, and I don’t want to feel like I am entitled to give it to her just because I was a MOH in her wedding (which is another story in itself). Which to me was more about quantity instead of quality.
Bees I need your advice.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
If you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, don’t ask her. Let her do what she wants. When she doesn’t get asked, and doesn’t have a bridesmaid dress, she’ll get the hint. Limit her involvement in the day and invite her as a guest.
Post # 4
If you don’t want her- don’t have her. And tell her now so she isn’t expecting it. It will cause more drama later.
Post # 5
If you haven’t officially asked her, then I wouldn’t worry about it. Just keep her out of the loop when it comes to the activities.
Post # 6
don’t make a big deal of telling her she’s not, but to avoid an awkward conversation in the future, i’d tell her who IS. like next time over coffee when she asks how wedding planning is going “well we picked out a venue, i finally asked my bridal party, i went to my first wedding show”.. she’ll get the point.
Post # 7
If you’re uncomfortable then she shouldn’t be your BM. Read your previous post, and if she flaked on those things, it’s doubtful she will change. If she really wants to help then maybe ask her to help with coordinating events on the day of, or smaller tasks like assembling favors etc.
Post # 8
Just don’t ask her, unless you feel that you need to explain why you don’t want her as a bridesmaid? And if she ever brings it up, just say how you feel.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
So long as you haven’t made any commitments to her as far as being a BM you don’t owe her an explanation. If she asks (which would be the apex of rudeness) tell her that you already asked your attendants and that there were only so many you could ask based on numbers and symmetry. She probably does expect it since you were her MOH (she obviously thinks of you as a close friend on some level, or used to at the time of her wedding) but being in a bridal party does not automatically mean you have to invite that bride to be in yours.
Post # 10
Just don’t ask her.. Have her be a guest and move on. Your right the ppl that are going to be there for you and your FI 100% and fully happy and want to do nothing but help you.