Post # 1
Ok a little background info. This is my second marriage, and my FI’s first. I have officially been divorced for over 2 years now, but seperated for over 3. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter from my first marriage who my Fiance adores and loves as his own. I have two younger sisters too. I know that seems like a bunch of non important info, but I promise it all ties together.
Fast forward..my Fiance and I got engaged in February! It was such a happy day and we couldn’t be more excited! We picked October 13 as our date and started planning right away, because it is destination! I have felt all along that my parents just weren’t “excited” about our wedding. I know it is my second, and I did do a HUGE first wedding, that they mostly paid for, but it is still my FI’s first and we deserve to have people to be happy for us. I have paid for everything myself up to this point for this wedding, along with my FI’s family. We only have 4 weeks left and I have been asking and asking for help from my sisters and family to tie up loose ends but don’t really get a response. I can’t even get my mom to send me her RSVP! Meanwhile, my FI’s family has been overjoyed. They live 1.5 hours away but have offered to help numerous times. They went with us to the destination to set everything up and I couldn’t be more thankful for them!
Fast forward to this past Sunday….my sister calls me in the evening. She got engaged. Fabulous! Im extremely happy for her. But really? Her bf couldn’t have waited 4 more stinkin weeks?? I know it sounds so petty, even as I am typing this, but its really eating at me and my friends and Fiance have commented the exact same thing more than once. Now EVERY family thing we do, which is a lot…we are a very invovled family, revolves around her wedding planning! No one even asks about ours anymore! We spent all last night trying to figure out a reception hall for them. Mom and Dad are ecstatic! Dad even posted it on facebook. Fiance and I never got a mention of our engagement.
Which leads me to another problem. FI’s family saw dad’s post and are hurt by it. They have noticed the lack of enthusiasm and then to read about my sister just upset them for us. Plus Dad mentioned sisters bf parents but never even said my FI’s last name, let alone parents. They are very sensative people and the little things can either mean a lot or hurt very deeply. Now Im sure my dad did not do it intentional at all…he isnt that kind and they really like my Fiance, but its hard to be in the middle!
I don’t want to tell my Fiance to suck it up, and I have spoke with my mom about the FB post, but Im just at a loss. Im totally stuck with no where to turn. Can anyone help out? Lend some suggestions?!
Thanks for reading, I know its long and a total vent!!
Post # 3
Is this your sister’s first wedding? To me it wouldn’t matter, but A LOT of people feel differently. They may think they already gave you lots of support on your first wedding (financially and emotionally) and now it’s your sister’s turn.
Post # 4
Yes this is my sisters first wedding, and I agree they did give me lots of support for my first. But does that mean I don’t deserve it this time around too, even if just for another short 4 weeks?
Post # 5
I got engaged almost exactly 4 weeks before my sister in laws wedding but my husband and I made a point to put off planning until after her wedding out of respect for her – she deserved to have the spotlight and I knew I would have mine too eventually. I don’t think you have grounds to be upset about the timeline of engagement but your family could be a little more sympathetic to your feelings.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and that they are not being supportive 🙁 but you are lucky to have such amazing inlaws who are excited for you!
Post # 6
@Sheepshead: ITA! When you day comes you will once again have all the attention you need. But focusing on things like FB posts will only drive you crazy.
Post # 7
I can feel your pain. Honestly just ignore them. It would have made more sense for them to wait but you cant change that now.
At my Fiance and I’s “engagement” dinner this family threw, his sister announced her pregnancy. 2 months later his brother decided to propose to his Girlfriend (even after he has stated he doesnt see the point in marriage etc). But they are having a 2 year engagement. So why not wait? We got about a week where things were about us and now we are put to the back burner again. It seems to be a standard in his family and i take it personally. You can only say try and focus on how wonderful your Fiance is and be happy in that.
Post # 8
Im totally in agreement that we are focused on FI’s family. They are truely wonderful and Im so greatful for them!!
Im over the FB post…its my Fiance and his family who are not. Im trying to be the bigger person.
Now tomorrow night, my sister wants to go dress shopping. I have my final fitting on Thursday and offered to go after that, but she “wants her own night”.
Post # 9
We’re in a similar situation. It’s my second wedding and FI’s first wedding, but second marriage. My parents paid for mine the first time around and his didn’t even know about it until more than a week afterwards. His brother is also getting married next month and has been planning for a little more than a year. In some ways, I did feel bad about “stealing their thunder” but there are a few reasons that we decided to go ahead and get engaged 6-8 weeks before their wedding.
I’m not going to ask my parents to pay for another wedding. I might ask them to pay my cake balance or flowers for xmas, but other than that I don’t plan on asking for anything. If they offer that’s great, but so far their attitude has been such that I don’t expect it to happen.
FI’s parents on the other hand are paying for half of his brother’s wedding despite the fact that only about 30 of the 175 guests are from his side. Future Mother-In-Law asked the other night how much my parents were contributing. I guess she was going to match that amount. I told her the situation. Now I guess she’s just planning on doing the rehersal dinner, which I had actually planned on self-catering for < $100.
I know that it’s ultimately our responsibility to pay for the wedding we want. However, the money situation sucks sometimes. As far as FI’s family goes I feel bad for him because it’s been obvious for awhile that there is a golden child in the family and he’s not it. It’s that way in my family too with my little brother, but I can better understand my parents situation with the money.