(Closed) I'm sure this goes against etiquette standards, but would you or did you…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you had extra seats avail do to RSVP declines, would you...
    Leave those seats empty : (67 votes)
    38 %
    Invite other people now that there's room : (111 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    Having an A and a B list is fairly common. My friend is doing this because they have to reach a minimum with their venue.

    We didnt do this for our wedding. We had a fairly small (75) wedding and invited only those we are closest to. We didnt invite those aunts or second cousins that we havent talked to in years, just because we felt obligated. We only wanted our nearest and dearest there and didnt want to just “fill seats”.

    Post # 4
    259 posts
    Helper bee

    Personally we’re going to have to leave these empty, but that’s more because we don’t know enough people to have to have  a B list in the first place – we’re inviting everyone! But if that weren’t the case, I think we’d fill in the seats as best we could.

    Post # 5
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    We have a budget capacity and a surplus of friends that we’d like to invite. So, yes, we’ll be watchig the RSVPs carefully to see if we can squeeze a few more friends in when we get declines. We won’t be inviting them with less than a week to spare, of course. That’s cutting it a bit close.

    Post # 6
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I originally had a guest list with every single person we would love to invite on it.  However, the number was huge and totally unreasonble.  So I made a second list, of the most important people we wanted at our wedding, which is what we are sticking to.

    I’m voting for leaving the seats empty for a few reasons.  1, if I decide to invite Jane Doe from the original list, then who else do you invite from the original list?  Where do you draw the line?  At the maximum guest limit for the venue?  Then what happens if there are more people you wanted to invite but can’t fit?  2, budget reasons.  I’d rather pay for fewer people and come in under budget then have to add more people at the last minute and go over budget.  3, it might offend the newly invited guests, as they were not on the “A” list and it was a last minute decision.

    Granted, it’s your wedding, and you can invite whomever you want.  You may be able to pull it off on a person by person basis, knowing they may understand your situation and would be thrilled to now be able to celebrate with you.

    Post # 7
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    We’re actually printing two different invitations. One set will be sent out early, to all of our out of province/country guests. The RSVP dates will be earlier. Then we’ll send out the second set of invitations, with a different RSVP date, to everyone in province and the extras we’ll be able to fit from our ‘B’ list due to ‘no’s from the out of town guests.

    I know this isn’t the normal way to do it, but we’d like to fit in extras if we can. We just don’t have the budget to invite everyone we’d like. We’re trying to keep under 100, but at least half of the ‘A’ list is out of province/country. 

    Post # 8
    8473 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I made sure that I only paid for 100 people and about 125ish were invited.  I knew I’d be fine.

    Post # 9
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2001

    I voted leave them empty for myself not because of etiquette but I already invited a ton and should definitely stop haha

    Post # 10
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree with PP, having a A & B list is becoming fairly common. I guess as long as the guests don’t know they’re “second listed” it wouldn’t matter?

    Post # 11
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted for Invited extra people. Our venue could only hold about 100 people and we invited 99% family. As family members declined it made it easy to invite friends and co-workers. 

    Post # 12
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t see anything wrong with it. Let’s all be realistic for a moment, weddings are uber expensive!! If you are going to be paying for the food and venue anyway you might as well invite the people you want. We are having a small wedding, but also have an A and B list. It’s not official, but we have discussed, “Oh I’d love “blank” at the wedding too bad we don’t have room” and then my fiance and I will discuss the possibility of inviting them once we get a decline, etc. 75% of our guests are coming in from out of state so we are expecting some people not to be able to make it and if we have a local friend who can, then why not invite them instead.

    Now maybe it would be different if you already have a super long guest list and get to the point of inviting people who you normally wouldn’t, just to fill seats. But in my case we couldn’t invite everyone we wanted to, and we planned on a small wedding, but if someone cannot make it I have a bunch of friends we could not invite initally, so why not? But again, I would not just fill seats for the sake of having more guests.

    Also, I would not be offended if someone invited me to their wedding only a month in advance if it was local. 

    Post # 13
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We had an A, B, and C list. Apparently we are inviting people from the C squared list cause FH is extending another invite today… And we’re 16 days out. I wouldn’t worry…

    Post # 14
    9618 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I would leave seats empty, Fiance and I are planning on inviting everyone we actually want there, so inviting acquaintances just to fill up seats would be a bit ridiculous for us.

    Post # 15
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We left them empty and my dad had to get on his hands and knees to the venue to not be charged for them (we still ended up with a huge penalty). My husband’s parents kept the death of his uncle a secret from my parents and the fact that their guests would not be coming. We literally found out 2 days before the wedding. I can’t even. I have to stop myself from typing out how much money it cost us. Like a whole wedding’s worth. 

    Post # 16
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    My SO did this! Oh, so and so can’t come, let’s invite my friend X and maybe Y as well. We ran out of invitations because of this and now I don’t even have one to keep! (grr). But I think it’s totally OK, and I’m sure that people will still be happy to come and won’t know about this “A and B” list. Often it’s also someone you got to know in the months before your wedding and really like and would have invited had you known them sooner.

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