Post # 1
Long story short, she is missing our jack-and-jill (hence, SHE is not throwing it). She is missing our rehearsal and our rehearsal dinner. She does not email me. She does not call me. She does not text me. WTF?????? Why is she my matron of honor you ask? She’s my aunt. thats it. no other reason. I need to tell her she will be standing as 3rd in line now and NOT at the front. How to do so tactfully!?!?
Post # 3
Research the responsibilities of a MOH so you have some backup. Then politely tell her that you need a MOH that can and will do these things. Tell her that you understand that she is very busy (or whatever) so out of consideration for her time you have selected X to be your MOH. You would still love for her to be in the wedding and stand 3rd in line. (Maybe you’ll need to replace her alltogether if she is missing rehearsal and/or if she is embarrassed that you will be having someone else be your MOH.)
It seems (from your aunt’s incaction) that she will be totally okay with this. Did she even want to be in your wedding?
Post # 4
Hmm…I would just ask her to meet you for coffee, and explain that you need someone who is going to put in the amount of time and effort needed from a MOH.
I’m sure at this point she won’t be shocked…if so, oh well! It’s your wedding!
Post # 5
Don’t do this.
Is there someone else you want as maid of honor? If so, then promote her and have two. But do not demote one woman. So she can’t make it to a few events. Is that why you chose your bridal party? No you chose them because they are special people and you love them.
Post # 6
My MOH isn’t throwing any party (as far as I know) and won’t be able to do a lot because she lives apx 2 hours away and is VERY busy. I love her and have known her longer than my other two bridesmaids, despite hanging out with the other two girls more often.
good luck and I hope you don’t burn any bridges with your decision!!!
Post # 7
I plan to demote my Matron-OH. I have both a Maid and a Matron. My own engagement has opened my eyes to the TRUE relationship we have. Some might think its mean/rude/distasteful/tacky to do so, but I think her behavior all this time has been too if not worse. Im not going to HONOR someone who cant even take some time out for me. And this decision has been based off a FEW different occasions.
You live and You Learn. Luckily my lesson was learned! =) Stay Strong!
Post # 8
This reminds me of middle school…I have to agree with @JrzyGurl on this one.
Post # 9
I wouldnt demote anyone maybe pick another girl and have multipul mohs but I think telling her that she isnt anymore will just cause drama you dont need.
Post # 10
I have to agree with some of the posters here as well….my sister is my Matron-OH and we just got into the BIGGEST fight possible that, go figure, she started at MY BACHELORETTE WEEKEND in charleston!! She ruined it for me and all my other BM’s….it was AWFUL!! She wants to apologize for the things she did and said (she was drunk) but I don’t agree with alcohol being an excuse….that being said…I’m trying to NOT say anything or bring it up…I literally just texted her and said I was over it, whats said was said and what was done was done….JUST so there could be “peace” the day of the wedding…I REALLY want her to step dow as Matron OH b/c my MOH really deserves the top title….BUT, to keep things at bay, especially with my dad (we have same dad different moms) I’m keeping everything as IS…it’ll just be dealt with sometime after the wedding…ugh…it sucks..but gotta do what you gotta do so you don’t have drama the day of your wedding I guess…
Post # 11
Well that sounds like an excellent way to have your wwedding be the launching pad for tons of family drama. Honestly, I’d reconsider. I don’t know what the etiquette is there in CT but here in Michigan no one would ever ever throw a Jack and Jill shower, they just aren’t done – I didn’t even know what they were or that they existed until Weddingbee and the knot! As for the rehersal, why can’t she make it? Because I think my reaction would depend on the reason why.
Post # 12
I was thinking today that my MOH wasnt stepping up and isnt too enthused to discuss things with me. The other person that I was going to ask to be my MOH wasnt married yet – but I knew her boyfriend was preparing to engage.. In a strange turn of events – they have had a huge scare, involving stage 2 renal cancer, and the day of diagnosis – they went and got married. They have a 1 year old together and want her to be able to make decisions if something should happen….. all of that being said … I can now have a MOH and Matron of Honor! Hopefully the MOH will help with the duties.
I’d be very careful when making the decision to give her the boot. You maybe would want to ask her if she even wanted the responsibility and if not – maybe you wont be hurting her feelings but relieving her.
Post # 13
I agree with @JrzyGurl: @Zinzerena:
Don’t demote her. Its is hurtful and will be really embarrassing for her. I realize your hurt, but it seriously isn’t worth the drama. Lean on your other BMs as much as you can for support in your wedding planning.
Post # 14
Yeah, you should not demote her. That is a recipe for some Epic, Epic, Dramz. Just tell your non-family BMs that they need to do all the work, that they’re the real deal, etc. They probably already know what’s up. There is no tactful way to do what you’re talking about, and I guarantee it will be way more trouble than it’s worth.
Post # 15
I hate to say it, and I’m sorry she isn’t being helpful, but the only role of a bridesmaid OR maid of honor is to show up, on time, in the right dress, sober. No one is obligated to throw a party or shower in your honor.
Be prepared to lose this relationship if you “demote” her. I hope this situation resolves itself as you see fit.
Post # 16
I desided that im not haing a MOH at all only BMs Maybe you can tell her you changed you mind to do this…. But you cant demote her and choose someone else it would cause LOTs of problems…