I'm that girl now

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry. That’s totally inappropriate behavior IMO, and he obviously knows it since he was hiding it from you.

Post # 4
Member
7259 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would be upset if DH did something like that (acted like he was going somewhere alone, when another girl was there). I think that’s pretty shady, even if nothing happened between them. How long have you two been in a relationship?

Post # 6
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MissZeppelin:  I’d be pretty livid… His behaviour is shady at best. I don’t personally have a problem with my FI hanging out with other girls, but sneaking around is a whole different ballgame. You guys need to have a seriousss chat, this isn’t something that I would just let slide. Sorry you have to be dealing with it!

Post # 8
Member
13003 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Go with your gut.  Something sounds fishy.  That would not fly with me.  Hiding the fact that he went on a hike alone with a girl he used to be interested in until after he came back?  no, not normal.

Post # 9
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

One word: shady.

Sorry doll, sending hugs. 

Post # 10
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

I am with others its not that he’s friends with her that is the problem its the sneaking around that is. I go out with friends sometimes I dont tell husband until afterwards but I ALWAYS tell him. Same goes for him. An open relationship breeds trust when one person feels the need to sneak around it breeds insecurity. You need to have a major talk about this.

Post # 11
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@MissZeppelin:  

Let me recap:

    1. He goes to a semi secluded spot on his own with a female

      1. He makes you seem horrible for even asking who he went with (that’s a normal question to me)

        1. He goes to a party for this girl who you know he used to have feelings for without you (if you have dated for nine months then it would be normal for him to bring you – or at least ask if he could bring you – if he weren’t allowed to bring you to a going away party that would be very odd)

          1. He says she is a terrible person and skanky yet continues to hang out with her on his own

          I don’t think you are being jealous for no reason. I would be having a serious talk to him because his behaviour is unacceptable. It is not right.

          ETA: His sneaking around reeks.

           

          Post # 12
          Member
          1822 posts
          Buzzing bee
          • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

          It sounds to me like, at the very very least, he has a crush. I think everyone goes through a phase or two where they get a small crush on some random person despite being in a relationship, but the difference is that you aren’t ever supposed to act on it by hanging out 1-on-1 with them, especially without your real partner being there. 9 months is not a very long relationship, though, and since he’s obviously not respecting basic relationship boundaries, he might not be a keeper. :-/ I’d keep my guard up for heartbreak, but keep communication open and stress its importance between you two.

          Post # 13
          Member
          150 posts
          Blushing bee
          • Wedding: September 2015

          @MissZeppelin:  Yeah, just under nine months or not, that would not fly in my relationship.  Why would my SO go off on some awesome hike without me and bring some other girl along?  Why would he go to a party of her’s and not let you come along? If she didn’t invite you but invited him alone and he still went then I’d say that makes him a bad BF.  My FI and I never do anything that the other isn’t invited to (if it’s a party or something).  Of course I need my girls night every once in awhile, and he a boys night out, but it’s never to something that the other wouldn’t be welcome to attend if they actually wanted.  What’s killing me is how awesome the hike would have been if you’d both gone together.  Sorry if this hurts, but I don’t want you to get hurt and any woman deserves better than that.  I don’t think you’re overreacting and I really do think you should sit down and have a long talk with him and tell him what’s up and what you’re impression is about his relationship with her before you completely break it off.  I’d give him a chance to explain himself, because it really could just be a big misunderstanding.  Like my FI does have a best friend that is a girl, and because I’ve known both of them the same amount of time and I know I can trust them, but if I hadn’t known them and their relationship I’d be really skeptical about what went on between the two.  However, I’ve never not been invited to anything or haven’t gone along with them whenever they went out or did something.  So, just do what’s best for you and at least give him a chance to explain.

          Post # 14
          Member
          1253 posts
          Bumble bee
          • Wedding: May 2015

          @MissZeppelin:  “I think I know what to do now” – bravo to you. This is definitely sketchy. And what kind of excuse is “I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to ask”? Come on now. 

          I think him talking about how skanky she is is a smoke screen. If he really thought she was just a bad person he wouldn’t want to spend so much time with her. But he is seeking out time with her (alone… in a secluded place…), so I think he is trying to simultaneously do that and keep you from suspecting anything by talking about what a non-great catch she is so you won’t pry any further.

          Best of luck OP. I think it’s time you get a guy who knows boundaries from the start, and doesn’t like the company of, by his own admission, skanky girls. Keep us updated.

          Post # 15
          Member
          2516 posts
          Sugar bee

          @MissZeppelin:  That’s incredibly shady, and even worse, he’s trying to make YOU feel bad for his shady behavior. At nine months, I would just cut my losses and leave.

          Post # 16
          Member
          1067 posts
          Bumble bee
          • Wedding: September 2014

          @MissZeppelin:  not okay 🙁 him talking badly about her to you is a diversion. If she was such a POS, he wouldn’t be hanging out with her. I am so sorry. At this point, I would tell him that you are not a fool, and you don’t intend to waste your time. He needs to stop playing you both, and pick a chick. *hugs*

          Leave a comment


          Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

          Find Amazing Vendors