Post # 1
My best friend is getting married in October and having her wedding in Cancun. I’m her matron of honor and was so thrilled that I get to be a part of her special day.
To get to the point quickly…she lives in Dallas and I live in Tampa. I would really like to be able to throw her a shower and bachelorette party, but between all the other costs ($200 bm dress and $1200 tickets to Cancun) I honestly can’t afford another plane ticket before the wedding and the added expences of the two parties.
I feel absoulutely horrible and was wondering if anyone has gone through this before. I feel like I’m going to be letter her down.
I even tried to see if the other bm’s and the mothers (since I got the brides permission to ask them to pitch in since neither set of parents is helping with the cost of the wedding) if they would want to split the costs so I could still do something special. After FIVE emails, I haven’t heard a peep back from any of them.
What can I do to still let her know that I know this is her special time and dote on her without going into debt?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
There are a few alternate routes you could take – do you know anyone who might be willing to give you frequent flyer miles? You may be able to earn frequent flyer miles by opening a cc and paying it in full at the end of each month. Another thing is that you could have a bachlorette night in Cancun once you’re already there! Just get some drinks at duty free, make some decorations, and off you go 🙂
Post # 4
how soon before the wedding do you all get into cancun? if the wedding is on a saturday, for example, and you will all be together on thursday, plan drinks and club hopping or a small shower for that day. I have been in similar situations, both as a bride and BM. We are all over the country and couldnt afford flying in for a wedding, and shower, and bach party. Give her a ring and tell her you’d like to plan something but arent sure where to start. It is usually understood IMO that when you plan a wedding that is pricey for others to attend, the parties/gifts/showers may be smaller or may not happen at all.
Post # 5
can you get to cancun a few days early and spend some “you” time?
Post # 6
This is a little different suggestion than what the other Bees have said, but maybe you could throw her a housewarming party a few months after the wedding when everything has died down? Perhaps 3-4 months after she and her husband have settled into their home in Dallas, you will be able to fly in and set up a housewarming shower for her. It would give you more time to save up some money, etc. I would call her and be honest with her. Let her know that you are so excited to be a part of her wedding, and you want to be able to give her the shower she deserves. Ask her if it would be okay to do a housewarming shower for the new couple in a few months, because it would be more financially feasible for you? I’m sure she will be grateful for anything you are able to do, there’s a reason she picked you to be her MOH, and i guarantee it’s because you are a great friend, and has nothing to do with showers! 🙂
Post # 7
Wow that sucks! But I TOTALLY understand. Tickets and everything else are expensive and I don’t think she shoudl expect anything lavish on top of what already is an expensive wedding for you guys to be in.
How about doing a girls thing when you guys get there? If not, a post-wedding shower or bachelorette thing? Or rather “gifts for the mrs?” You could just set aside a girls night on the beach, have margaritas, chill, make her wear a big sash, and it’s still fun. Maybe everybody can go in for one shower gift together. All those gifts add up.
She should be pretty understanding. I know I would be if I was having a destination wedding.
PIck up the phone once YOU decide on something and call them all. See what you can swing for like $20 a person. I’m sure everyone else is feeling a financial crunch.
Post # 8
Are you the only one out of town? If so, I’d buig them again. Tell them you’re more than willing to help plan and pitch in, but you can’t be there.
And if that still doesn’t work – then maybe throw her a “virtual” shower – I know it sounds weird – but you can explain the situation and people will understand.
And if that sounds too hard or difficult to pull off – I would just send her little things to keep her the center of attention… Have other girl friends surprise her with things, like a night out, or send her little gifts.
I’m sure she knows you care.. I can tell!
Post # 9
These are all great ideas!! I was really hoping the other girls would want to do something in Cancun. Most everyone is getting there the day before and I would hate to be responcible for a hung over bride 😉 But maybe a day or two after (since we’re all making it a vacation as well) I can take all your suggestions and do just a girls night there or maybe a spa day??
All but one of the other bm’s are coming in from different states so I know they’re strapped too. I was trying to come up with alternate ideas and to talk to them about it because I’m sure they’re feeling EXACTLY the way I do, but are just afraid to talk about it.
Post # 10
By the way I love all the suggestions: frequent flyer miles, house warming (super neat idea that I NEVER would have thought of!!) and the virtual shower I had actually thought about but figured everyone else would just think I was trying to be cheap.
I also think, like Lara Bee said, if maybe I send her little notes of encouragement or just little tokens of friendship or things for the wedding each week, maybe that will let her know I truly do care and want to be there for her every step of the way.
Post # 11
I am in a similar situation where I am the MOH!
She lives in BC and I live in Ontario! The wedding is here and so we going to have the bachelorette party a week before the wedding and the shower 4 days before the wedding!
Is this a possibility to do in Cancun?
Edit: Don’t be afraid to talk about I am sure they will be happy also!
Post # 12
Since we got a group rate on tickets we all had to fly out on the same day which is the Friday (eeek!) before the wedding. So I don’t think anyone will be in the mood to party it up after almost a full day of traveling for most.
I mostly felt really horrible because the bride said she really didn’t want a shower and then her future sister in law kept whispering little things in her ear about bridal shower, bridal shower, bridal shower. Not only bridal shower, but at one of the swankiest places in Dallas.
With the member discount it was going to be over $1,200. This is also the same girl who said she was not going to put out any more towards the event since she was the member of the club who got the discount in the first place. She said that was more than enough.
Post # 13
Seriously, thank you all so much for your advise. I’m going to work on all your ideas tonight and see what I come up with. I’ll be sure to post the outcome so even if things don’t turn out the way I want them to, we can all benefit from the awesome ideas all you wonderful people have shared with me today 🙂 Thanks a million!
Post # 14
I totally understand what you are going through… in the past 4 months, I’ve been in 2 weddings, both 800 miles from where I live. And told each bride that i would’nt be able to make it to the bach party (for the first wedding) and to the shower/bach weekend (for the second). If the bride is truly your friend then she will completly understand and will be thankful that you are able to make it to her wedding.
Post # 15
Just one more thought: If she picked you to be her MOH, knowing that it was unlikely to be possible for you to be in town for showers or bachelorette parties, then it is unlikely she expects you to host them. I know that we asked my daughter to be our MOH, knowing perfectly well that since she lives on the other side of the country, she was not going to be able to host any local parties. We’re not big on prewedding parties in any event, and as it turns out, some local friends (not in the wp) are hosting one for us. So if nothing works out, don’t automatically assume she will feel unloved.
Post # 16
What about you helping organize – even if you can’t attend – a shower for her in her hometown for people who live there . You would need a co-hostess who would actually take on the brick and mortar work (perhaps the whispering FSIL), but so often the planning is the biggest part. You could even make a flipcam DVD/Web video and send it to be played at the shower.
And, she understands – it’s the thought that counts when there’s just no way to make it work financially.