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I'm so sorry you feel this way =( Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Does your FI realize what kind of stress you are going through??
:( Just remember that all these people love you and want to be with you on your big day. Barring that, you could always just elope :)
I'm not really sure what's led you to feel so miserable at the moment, but I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Hugs!
Your first statement is a very bold one (you want to call off your wedding if not for all the money you've invested in it), so I'm going to ask you a simple but blunt question: Do you still want to marry your FI?
If the answer is yes, then the two of you need to throw all the wedding prep talk out the window and turn the focus back on each other. Think back to the happiness and optimism you felt when you first decided to marry. Deciding to marry and planning a wedding are two different things; try not to confuse them.
If you're feeling unsure of your answer, you need to do a lot of soul searching (quickly). You said you and your FI aren't getting on so well at the moment, but don't make a knee jerk decision. Take some time out and really focus on what you want and what will make you happy again.
If the bulk of the stress is coming from family/friends and you feel the wedding is all about/for them, then I sort of agree with KMSull -- call their bluff and elope! You don't have to run away to elope, but your FI and you can secretly visit a justice of the peace and have your own private day to celebrate your marriage together. Then when your "wedding day" rolls around on the 17th, think of it more as a party. Maybe then you can relax and feel like you're back in the driver's seat.
I am so sorry you feel this way. I am still a year out, and am bummed at times because of the money invested. I would have rather eloped, but my FI insisted on a traditional wedding.
This is still YOUR day. When you are at the altar it will just be you and your FI reciting your vows, and committing yourself to each other, and that is all that matters. Forget about everyone else. You are allowed to be selfish for a bit.
You still have a bit of time to reclaim your wedding. Make a few last minute changes if you can, and take your wedding back. I am sure most brides are in some ways forced to do things they do not necessarily want because of what others consider a "wedding tradition". Don't let your family drama ruin the first day of a new phase in your life. Good Luck!
Amariem, I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. If it helps any, when I was about the same distance off from my wedding I felt very similar to the way you do. You can read my posts about it earlier.
Anyway, now that the wedding is just a mere 20 days away, I'm really feeling a lot better. I think it helps to be just kind of over it. For example, a few days ago my FMIL picked out flowers and bouts that I would not have liked. She picked them because its the one part of our wedding that she is paying for (beside the RD), and they were inexpensive. You know what I said? THANKS! SOUNDS GREAT! I truly was just grateful that it was one less thing I had to do. I feel so much less stressed now just letting it all go.
Maybe you could try to do the same. Talk to your FI about how you feel, and since he is the one who wanted the big wedding he should be happy to step up and take over a lot of the planning. I'm sure it will help to get it off your back and give you time to feel differently before the day comes.
How would I elope though? We would have to fill out the marriage certificate when we do that. Then what happens when we have the wedding in the church and the priest asks to fill out the certificate afterward? Won't they be mad? Won't my MOH and Best Man find out when they don't have to fill out the certificate?
How does that work?
Oh, sweets, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I can tell you, though, I was so there. So. There.
So over all of it, so lost in what the freaking point was, so ready to run away and get it all over with becuase I couldn't stand it for one more second.
But our wedding day was fantastic, not because it was the vision in my head or the perfect embodiment of who we are, but because our people were there, surrounding us with their (often completely pain-in-the-ass but fantastic nonetheless) presence. I wouldn't have traded it for the world.
You're about a month away, and that's the worst time. Well, other than the day before, when I swear to you I was ready to crawl away and hide for a month until it was over.
So my advice would be not to do anything rash, and frankly, not to do anything at all. Nothing. Do not one single thing wedding-related for a weekend, or a couple of days, or one single day. Decide that whatever's left to be done can wait a week because your sanity comes first. A break does wonders for the sanity!
And honestly, weddings are for families, so while I realize your toast was intended in a less-than-generous way, I don't think it's too far off the mark if you look at it another way - weddings are for blending families, not to showcase the couple. It's a ritual intended to form a union of your extended loved ones.
Keep me updated, and PM me if you just want to vent. (((hugs)))
I feel the same way. I want out - not of the marriage, just the wedding. The invites go out next week, and I'm seriously considering not sending them. I cried for hours last night, because this is just a miserable, lonely experience. It's brought out the worst in so many people and I don't even know who I'm doing this for anymore.
I regret not eloping.
Laylabelle... if the invitations haven't gone out - you *can* still elope without having to call the guestlist.
I'm sorry that wedding planning is causing so much stress and I'm sorry that so many brides still feel that they owe their cranky, grumpy guestlists a beautiful wedding achieved by sacrificing their own happiness.
I would recommend that you maybe try to take a step back. Like Cheese advised, turn the focus back on you and your FI and what you two REALLY want this wedding to be. Yes, all the people offering advice and critiques probably mean well (most of them), but they're causing you un-needed stress.
I felt like this the first few months of planning. But I came to a realization one day that since we were paying for the wedding, what everyone else thought was seriously just an opinion. Not fact. Not something that I HAD to do or follow their advice on. It was just their opinion. And what was MOST important was MY opinion and FI's opinion. Those are the only two that matter.
Since that day, I just quit worrying about it all. It was like realizing that they were sharing an opinion helped me see it all differently. Truthfully, my family doesn't know alot of the plans, and most of them don't even know about my blog. It just seemed easier that way...
I hope that all of the advice that you've gotten here will help you somehow...BIG (((HUGS))) going out to you!
@cheerful - you're absolutely right, and thanks for saying it. I've really got to give this some thought.
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I'm so tired of my wedding. I feel like calling it off but know I can't because we've already invested so much money in it.
Everyone makes me upset and the thought of the whole wedding day makes me ill. I don't know how I will ever enjoy it or be the least bit happy on it. It's not what I want at all. Everything just feels fake. Like I'm supposed to walk around on my wedding day with a fake smile and pretend that everything is good - that my mom and I are still on good terms, and that my brother is a decent person now who hasn't made my family go through hell the past 7 years. That's just the icing on the cake in terms of problems. There are many more than that!
I feel like making a speech at my wedding saying, "I hope that all of you gathered here today are happy, because this day really is for all of you. If I had it my way we wouldn't have this big wedding with all of these people here. So I hope that you are all glad that you could watch us get married, you got what you wanted." I don't know why we had to have this huge wedding anyway. It should be about the two of us, and with this wedding it really isn't anymore. We barely know how to talk to each other now with all this wedding planning that has gotten in the way. I don't even know what we will be like after the wedding.
Did anyone else feel this way before their wedding? Were you able to feel the least bit happy and real on your wedding day? How? I feel like I'll be putting on a fake smile all day, and years later I'll look back on my wedding photos and remember how miserable I felt on that day; just like I do now when I look back at my shower photos.