(Closed) I'm tired of going out of my way for everyone else.. [vent][NWR] Long…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

Umm I think it is really odd that you are throwing a party and your FI isn’t invited. That would never fly with me. Maybe because your friends are younger and single they just don’t understand how relationships work. I understand not bringing him if it is a girls only dinner or something but if other guys are going to be there then there is no good reason why he should be invited. I’d be more worried about your fiances feelings then your friends in that matter.  You guys are a package deal now that your getting married I don’t think it should matter if there are more couples then single people at a party. SIngle friends need to get over it, or start dating:)

Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sometimes when all your friends are single, it can be hard to gauge whether a party or get together is more of a girls night in/out or an open invite.

Does your FH want to attend some or all of these gatherings? Does he have anything in common with these friends and want to chat, or is he just going along for your sake?

For example, my work has after-work parties, and I never bring FH because 95% of the time, we are jsut discussing work, so there wouldn’t be anything in it for him. But if he was genuinely interested, he could come.

I don’t think you have to be joined at the hip though. Its fine to plan a party and invite him, or not. If you are tired of trying to bend to other people, just stop asking, and let FH attend if he feels like it or you want him there. Once he’s there, no one is going to ask him to leave or un-invite him.

Post # 7
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I think the problem is their age, not lack of boyfriend. Honestly, many people are quite immature at 21 (not saying you are!) but you can see the different response between your 21 year old friends and your 30 year old friend. As they grow up a bit, it should get better but just try and do your best to gauge the situation and decide if you are going to bring him along. Maybe make more plans with his friends since they’re mature and have social skills. 

Post # 9
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

@YogaFaerie:  you know, it’s tough to know who is a true friend. I’m not much older than you (24) but those few years make a big difference I think. When you’re 21 your peers pretty much expect you to be in the same place as them (college, partying, single, etc) but when you get out of those college years people quickly start getting married and move on with life. You will very likely drift apart from friends and make new ones as you get older. That’s the way life works and it’s ok. I didn’t really understand that until it happened to me. And eventually you will find out who your true friends are, and who is a fair weather friend (this usually happens the hard way). If friends make you feel manipulated or crappy, they probably are (assuming it’s not a one time thing). If you have friends like that, don’t be afraid to distance yourself. But if the only issue you have with them is this, it’s likely an immaturity/selfishness thing that many people outgrow. 

Post # 10
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@YogaFaerie:  I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. I’m 21 and my fiance is 28. All of his friends are married or just expect me to always be with him. With my friends its always that awkward question of if I can bring him. I had to start putting my foot down. Because it was starting to hurt mg fH’s feelings that he was always exluded. I’ve started doing girls nights once a week every week and then after that. Its an open invite for my fi to come. Do your friends invite other guys to come? My friend did this and said he counted as a girl… It drove me nuts! Honestly you need to put your foot down and start standing up for you and your fiance’s relationship because I can almost garauntee that when they get a bf they probably won’t be thatconsiderate.

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@YogaFaerie:  Ok, in that case, I’d just bring him, you guys are a couple but no reasons your friends can’t be his friends too if you are all hanging out. Unless its very obvious, like a mani/pedi. 

And don’t feel bad that they are single, a boyfriend or fiance is not a status symbol, he’s a fun person to hang out with, right?

The topic ‘I'm tired of going out of my way for everyone else.. [vent][NWR] Long…’ is closed to new replies.

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