Post # 1
So I will start off by saying that YES, there are brides out there who could give a flying monkey what their bridesmaids wore, or who are okay with a disjointed look, and that’s awesome. I however am a bride who adores symmetry, and therefore I want my girls to be consistent.
I have a very small bridal party, my MOH and two best friends of over a decade. So I didn’t think I would ever have to complain about my BP. But here goes….
My MOH and one of my BMs scoured several stores until they found a dress they liked. My other BM was too busy (her words) to get to the stores, which was fine with me. I had my girls send her pictures of their favorites so she could be involved too. Finally they decided on a dress that flared out at the waist. They didn’t like it that way, but loved how it looked when it was pulled back to be fitted (like a pencil skirt), so they sent that pic to my absent BM along with the alteration guidelines to get that look. They ALL agreed on it and loved it. Eventually the absent BM got to try it on and okay’d it before everyone ordered. All I did was okay it after they presented it to me as their favorite!
FF 6 months (2 before the wedding), my MOH and BM have their dresses and had them altered. They love them. My other BM however has decided she likes the dress with the flare and is refusing to alter it. Now this isn’t a little flare, the dress looks COMPLETELY different than the other two, and if anyone is going to stand out it should be my MOH! If we had agreed from the start to have everyone look different (which was something I offered), it would be one thing. But now that the other 2 are done I’m NOT okay with 1 sticking out like a sore thumb!
I’m furious about this… but it’s less about the dress than it is the fact that my best friend of over a decade can’t make 1 concession for me for ONE day… a concession she agreed to make before the dresses were purchased. I literally haven’t required anything of my BP, especially this BM because I know she is super busy. But I feel like she is taking advantage of the fact that I am non-confrontational by nature and trying to pull one over on me. I don’t want to make her angry, but I know if I don’t stand up for myself *I’M* going to be angry and bitter about the situation.
Is it wrong to be pissed off about this? Because I’m really trying not to be, but the more I think about it, the more insulted and undercut I feel.
Post # 3
I would definitely let her know how you feel – make sure she understands this isn’t an option – the dress WILL BE altered. If she prefers it with the flare, is there anyway the seamstress could “fix” it temporarily for the wedding and then she can have it let out afterwards so she can wear it with the flare?
Post # 4
@milesbella: That’s a great idea! I will definitely bring it up to her. Hopefully it will be a simple solution to avoid hurt feelings, because that’s the last thing I want. Thank you 🙂
Post # 5
I would be irritated too because its something that she agreed on before the other two went ahead and got their alterations. And I also understand your point that if anyone should have a different style it should be the MOH. It would still look fine if she wore the dress with the flare but that is not the point, its your wedding and it should be the way you imagined it. If she was a good BM she would just do what she agreed and get it altered.
Post # 6
@Sunshining: well… I’d say you have the right to be angry because she DID agree to it and it’s your and your FI’s wedding.
You have a couple choices: allow her to stick out like a sore thumb. or tell her if she doesn’t get it altered, she’s out. And stick to it. Or, kick her out now and find someone else.
IF she shows up with it unaltered, she doesn’t get to be in the wedding, in the photos, etc (be sure to inform the photographer of this for the group photos) and be aware this will throw off the wedding party.
I’m sure other bees will have other suggestions, though…
Post # 7
I’d be mad too…and If I were you, I would tell her exactly what you said in the 2nd to last paragraph. You’ve tried not to be demanding of her time because you know she is busy. She agreed to have the dress altered into a pencil skirt from the start, so PLEASE, for ONE day, can she just get the dress done the way you agreed upon? Tell her you love a uniform look, and really want your photographs (that you are spending good money on) to reflect your love of symmetry, and are worried one different dress will look off. Are your MOH and the other BM friends with her? Maybe they can talk to her too? I think if you’re nice, but firm about it, hopefully she will realize it’s one day…and that it’s not about her!!!
I don’t get why some BM’s think they can make all of these decisions. I was just in a wedding. We have 3″ heels (I NEVER wear heels because I can’t walk in them). I walked those damn heels down the isle because those were the shoes the bride picked out! I hated my hair..but who cares! Everyone would be looking at the bride, not me anyways! People need to realize the day is not about you..so suck it up and do what she asks..especially if it’s not something outrageous. Your request was agreed upon from the beginning. She had a role in making that decision so she should suck it up and do it!
Post # 8
@Zinzerena: I definitely don’t want a dress to come between our friendship and I would be crushed if she wasn’t in the wedding, but then again I would be crushed if she told me it had been altered and showed up with the flare… ugh.
@FunfettiCupcakes: You’re very right! My 2nd BM is also her best friend, and she has promised me that she will get it all resolved. My MOH has said the same thing, although she is not close with the rebel BM (haha). I just feel badly that they have to go out of their way to police an adult woman!
And I totally agree with you that when I have been a BM in the past, I’ve just sucked it up and DONE IT, because that’s what you agree to do as a BM. I’m not talking about being a slave, but c’mon, when you say YES to being a BM, you expect to wear a dress that is approved by the bride. I know the last wedding I was in, I had to wear a dress I HATED (that cost over $300… no where near the price my girls are paying). But I did it because that was a commitment I made to make the bride happy. I thought that’s what everyone did!
Post # 9
Ugh bridesmaids…I wish I could rewind to the begining and decide not to have any….I sometimes want to slap “me” last October for talking my fiance into it. Just know you are not alone in the fight against the bridal party…no matter what one is always “too busy” and ” too self absorbed” to even commit to the simplest task. Sorry 🙁 I think we should all get together and randomly slap each others trouble some BM! I’m joking of course…but you are not alone.
Post # 10
@laniefl624: I’ve heard some horror stories here on WB, but I am lucky because my MOH and other BM have been absolutely amazing and so helpful. They’ve gone out of their way to ask me what they can do to help me, even though they have jobs and school. I never thought something as simple as a dress could make me so angry, but I feel like it’s the principle, ya know?