I'm trying to be understanding but its hard

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I can understand why you would want her there, but a 12 hour trip is a long way especially with a baby in tow. I’m sure you will have a great time with the lovely ladies in your life that do make it 🙂

Post # 4
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

12 hrs is a really long trip.  At least she’ll be there to stand up next to you at your wedding.  I would still make a trip to go see her, even without a shower then.  Just spend the day with her and let her treat you if she offers. 

Post # 5
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@wisher558:  You’re entitled to a pity party, but it’s perfectly understandable if your MOH can’t make it.  Traveling with a baby is hard.  And leaving a newborn behind is even harder.  I’m pretty sure she WANTS to go, but it’s a lot to ask of a new mom.

Post # 6
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

12 hours with a four month old?  For a bridal shower?  I can totally understand her decision to give it a miss, I’m afraid.

Post # 8
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think in this situation it’s just a good idea to let it go. She’s a new mom, and 12 hours is a ridiculously long trip. I probably wouldn’t even travel 12 hours to some of my friends weddings. Maybe she said she’d go months ago because she thought she could or didn’t want to let you down, but things change when you have babies! 

Missing a bridal shower is not a big deal at all. Hopefully she can make it to the wedding, that is the important day and honestly…she is an ‘out of town guest’, she shouldn’t be expected to attend anything but the wedding. And even that is debatable! I have cousins that aren’t attending my wedding and it is a 7 hour trip for them.. but it doesn’t bother me at all. People have their own lives to live!

Post # 9
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

She’s missing your bridal shower, not your wedding.  I’m sorry that you feel sad as I’m sure you were looking forward to having your best friend there.  But practically speaking, 12 hrs is crazy and I wouldn’t expect anyone to come to a bridal shower if they had to travel non-locally for it. 

Post # 11
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I would feel absolutely awful making my best friend travel 12 hours with or without her baby. It also seems she feels bad and is trying to make it up to you by throwing you one at home which youve shot down without even talking to her 

give her a chance 

Post # 12
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Pity party away, we’ve all been there, but you may not ever ever ever hold this against her! I probably wouldn’t have gone either if I were in her shoes. 

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Imo a bride should not expect anybody to travel for a shower. Especially Bridesmaids who are already taking on extra time and financial obligations (maybe travel too) for the wedding. It also sounds like one of these friends offered to throw you a shower where she lives? If so, you really shouldnt be upset. Just say yes and have different showers with local ppl attending. 

Post # 14
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel for you, and I’m sorry that this is the case for you. I hope that in the end you will be happy no matter where your shower is held. It’s such a bummer though that life can get in the way of things that are important to us. I’m not having a shower because all of my friends and family are scattered throughout the US, and I’m really sad about it. Just please, for the sake of friendship, don’t hold it against her in the future.

Post # 15
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

To be honest I wouldn’t travel 12 hours for a bridal shower. In fact most of my friends live in different states to me and didn’t come to me bridal shower ( the one I had didn’t go as planned, the bm hosting it for sick 30 mins in and went home. Everyone lease left shortly after since we had no games plan etc)

Post # 16
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lilcafe:  +1. This.   

 

I didn’t expect ANY of my invited guests over 1 hour away to make the trip to my bachelorette party.  I was understandably upset when someone 45 minutes away ditched it at the last minute. I was over the moon when a friend from the west coast came.  But there is just no way I would expect anybody to make a 12 hour trip just for a party, especially an exhausted new mother.  

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