Post # 1
Tonight FI and I were at our friends’ house just hanging out. The topic of the bachelor party came up. For a while my FI said he didnt want a traditional bachelor party and has ALWAYS said that he thinks that strip clubs are degrading. A while ago we went to one together so that I could see what it was really about. I wasnt uncomfortable because we were there together and I felt like it was something we were doing together. Then tonight he says “Oh, thats something I should tell you…I want a REAL bachelor party” My heart sank. I pointed him to this website a while ago called The Plunge. Its basically WB for men! Apparently the website says to the grooms that if you want a bachelor party with all the boobage you just have to put it out there and see how your girl will react. Well, he put it out there. And Im upset. I just thought it was different then this. Now I dont even want to talk to him or look at him. Can anyone please help????
Post # 3
I don’t know what to say… Years ago, I would have said that this is what guys do and it’s not a big deal, it’s just nostalgia… I feel different about it now. I don’t want my man all rubbed up on by some other woman…At the end of the day, it’s you. Why does he want the ‘real party.’ Because he secretly likes it, wants to know what it’s about or because that’s what his friends think he should do?
Post # 4
my hubby had a full on batchelor party complete with poles, cream aand and all girls sex act but not because he wanted it – but because the organizer wanted the B-party he never had so while some of the guys stood at the back eating the food, having a few beers and talking sports the rest of the guys were up front and watching. hubby was at the back, which im not surprised about
maybe your guy has been getting some peer pressure about it and hes thinking yeah, im a guy so i’ll look but dont touch, shoot some BS with all the other guys and it will be over. hopefully you can talk to eachother and compromise. if he does have one – set some boundries, ie are lapdances ok?
Post # 5
He was honest with you. You need to be honest with him. Let him know (ideally not in an emotional way) that the idea upsets you, and why. Try and find a compromise, whether that’s him having a more low-key party and the two of you hitting a strip club together (again) later, or setting boundaries on what he will/won’t do at the party, etc.
Post # 6
Hubs never wanted that type of party, and I never wanted him to have that type of party. He thinks strippers and strip clubs are gross, as do I, so at least I didn’t have to worry bout that. Be honest with him, and see the real reason he wants to go. You can always promise to give him a sexy striptease of your own
Post # 7
I agree with daydreamwanderer. He was honest with you. You went to the club together as a couple. It’s okay o be uncomfortable with the idea of the strippers, but it sounds more like you are upset because you feel he lied to you before when he said he wasn’t interested in the traditional bachelor party. I would talk to him and ask him what changed his mind, or was he just previously putting on a front for your sake. I know a lot of guys will say one thing in front of women or family and then something totally different in front of their guys. But I would talk to him about why you are upset, he was open and comfortable enough with you to talk to you about what he wants. He could have kept his mouth shut, or lied flat out to you, and it would have just been worse.
Post # 8
I was horrified at the idea of my man going into a strip club, getting lap dances, and feeling up women. He wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted, but he was afraid that if he didn’t do it up “crazy bachelor party style” he’d regret it later. So, I sent him to the strip club with his men, but asked that there be no touching. And you know what, they had a great time, came back with some wild stories, spent a few bucks, had a few drinks, but never touched, felt, or were touched by any of the women there.
At the end of the day, isn’t he coming home to you? What about his “confession” makes you upset? Is it that he changed his mind? The naked thing? The chicks?
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’m okay with Mr. S having an all-out, “traditional” bachelor party (as long as he’s still faithful to me, of course)… but in a way that’s only because I think he doesn’t actually want one. 😉 This would be hard… but I do think you owe him the same honesty he gave you, and you should talk about it. You might not be happy with what he ultimately decides, but you have to decide if you trust him or not.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees for your support and suggestions! I talked to him last night before we went to bed. He knew something was wrong and I just said that I was upset because I didnt realize that he wanted to have that kind of bachelor party. Then he admitted to me that he was just saying that to look cool in front of our friend (who is a few years older and would probably say something like “dont be such a pu***” if he said he didnt want a bachelor party) Anyways, he said what he really wants for his bachelor party is to play golf, gamble and get really drunk. He reminded me how uncomfortable he looked/was while we were at the strip club together. Which he was. I guess whatI was most upset about was that it was new information to me and I thought he wanted one thing when he said he didnt. But I think things are okay now. He has always been the type of guy not to enjoy strip clubs that much because he has 3 sisters and feels like its degrading. I really appreciate all of you supporting me!
Post # 11
Glad to hear things worked out for you!
Post # 12
It’s funny to me that all of these people had crazy bachelor parties but NONE of the grooms partake in the action. Ladies, if you believe that, you are hugely mistaken. Men can lie, (as can women!) and they are not going to sit back and eat the food/text you while they are not doing anything. If the Best Man and the other friends have any respect for you or your relationship, they will respect your limits and not put the groom in an inappropriate position. If they want the groom to have an excuse to do whatever he wants (even though he’s been in a relationship for years already!), then they will throw a party that is along those lines. And if all of their friends are enjoying it, so will they. and they’ll come home telling you how they didn’t do a thing, and look at how much more mature they are than their friends. Come on…