- 5 years ago
First off, I know I’ll be accused of trolling/joking around but this is serious and yes, I am now in therapy so please no preaching 🙂
Basically, despite having some body image issues I can admit I have a good figure, primarily because I work my ass off for it. Am I perfect? No. But then again, nobody is. I’m athletic and still manage to have T&A, as well as visible ab definition and a generally good shape. I care so much about my body because my face is pretty plain, so you make do with what you have. And trust me- my face is the epitome of plain. Not ugly, but NOTHING to write home about. I’m also not aging well- everyone thinks I’m older than my age, and I have no clue why.
But it seems that the better my body has gotten, the more competitive I am with other women. I remember being in high school, and being pretty doughy/skinnyfat, and if I saw a girl with a better body than me, I’d just shrug because getting her body seemed so farfetched and impossible. But now that my body is better, I feel really compelled to always have the best body in the room, and that’s not even an exaggeration. I KNOW it makes me sound awful, shallow and ridiculous. But it’s a feeling that won’t go away. It’s partially because I know my face is nothing special, so I need to make up for it with my body.
I don’t care as much about this, if my SO isn’t with me. But if we go to a club together and I see a girl with a better body than me, I’m barely capable of enjoying myself. My SO is gorgeous with (I believe) the best body in any given room, so I think “Logically, if he has the best body in the room, he should always be with the girl who has the best body in the room.” I know it doesn’t necessarily make sense, esp given that his taste is different from mine. But hey, I’m just being honest.
I even ask him if other girls have better bodies than I do (i’ve recently stopped, btu sometimes it is SO hard not to ask for reassurance) and he always says I’m better, but then again he kind of HAS to say that, doesn’t he? lol. I’m no longer asking him, but I just wish I didn’t feel this way. Please tell me there’s SOMEONE else in the world with this weird hangup, lol. I mostly just want to know I’m not the only one.