- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Hey bees, I just need to vent to a community of people who can understand where I’m coming from.
Background details: (Names have been changed)
My SO has a best friend, Joe. Joe is the always dominant, pushy, competitive type who loves being the center of attention. He also has no filter. Joe used to like me and wanted to date me for some time but I had no interest in him other than a friend. Joe had been searching for a wife the past few years. Joe meets Emma. Emma moved into town about a year and a half ago. She’s smart, a redhead, and also competitive. Joe and Emma start dating immediately, got engaged and married in March.
*Sidenote: By the time Emma came to town I had lost a good 35 pounds, Joe has told my SO twice now that I’m “smokin” and while it being flattering it’s also inappropriate within our relationships. He also has always been complimentary of my natural red hair.
Since Joe and my SO are close, I’ve been very friendly and have been hanging out with Emma. We get along well enough but I started to notice that she started to do things I was doing and talking about doing e.g., going to a pastry class, swimming lessons…little things like that. At first it bothered me, but I let it go because I was being petty and for all I knew it could have been coincidence. Then they moved to my neighborhood. We have continued to hang out and other instances have come up but I’ve tried to not let them bother me. She also decided she wanted to start to run after Joe told her that’s how I lost weight, she started to run the same paths as me. I can’t fault anyone for deciding to better their health but it felt kinda weird.
Within the last 2 weeks I have been talking to her about how I would love to get a puppy but with where I’m at in my life right now, it wouldn’t be feasible. Last week, she tells me they have decided to get a puppy after Thanksgiving. (have it all picked and everything). Oh…okay, great for ya’ll! A little bit jealous, but whatevs, I’ll play with it.
THEN, on election day, Tuesday, I’m talking with her in depth about getting my hair cut a certain way this Saturday. Emma hasn’t significantly cut her waist-length hair in YEARS. I get on facebook last night and she’s posted a picture of her wet hair saying “About to donate 10 inches to Locks of Love!!” What?! This morning I look at the after picture and it’s more or less the style I talked to her about 2 DAYS before. I talked to my SO about it because he knows how I felt before about her ‘copying’ me. He tried rationalizing it but he’s a not a woman and doesn’t get how girls can be. All I can do is just shrug it off but it’s starting to eat at me again.
Joe makes comments on things all the time such as how he loves his wife’s red hair and will then ask me if mine is natural. All I can do is roll my eyes and say yes (he’s known me for 6 years). He’s also always talking about how married life is awesome and for a time was always asking me or my SO when we’re gonna get married. My SO told him to back off and he has but Joe is constantly comparing.
They say imitation is the best form of flattery but it’s irritating. I’ve dealt with that my whole life as I have a younger sister but this is different. What makes it worse is anytime Emma and I do the same thing, Joe is quick to point out and will always ask if I did it or got the idea from Emma, sometimes this is in a public setting. It drives me crazy and I will politely but firmly respond to him. My SO has said he doesn’t think she’s doing it to one up me but more because I’m “inspiring” her. It doesn’t feel much like inspiration though. I guess I should stop talking to her about any of my plans. I’m TRYING my best to not let it get to me and I was doing pretty well but between the both of them they can be quite a handful.
What are your thoughts? Am I still being petty? Can I feel a little validated and annoyed at this point? Suck it up and just be flattered?