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I didn't do this but my first advice would be to stop talking about the wedding at all to anyone that you don't plan on inviting. If people ask questions just say that plans are still up in the air (which is completely reasonable since your wedding isn't until 2012). Once your plans are set in stone.. if people ask about the wedding I would just casually mention that you will be having a private family only ceremony.. and then start talking about your at home reception.
I would be more hurt if I knew that my friend was getting married and then never heard anything about it until after the wedding. I would just be up front with them. No friends means no friends. My MOH is doing that and while I am pretty upset about it, I realize that it is literally immediate family and that makes me feel better. Plus, knowing about it SO far in advance helps too.
If you're both 100% sure that you only want it to be immediate family, I think you can tell people that and they would understand. As long as the line you draw is a clear line, it shouldn't be a problem. They might be disappointed that they can't go but they wouldn't feel like you were just excluding them, and maybe not some other friends.
We had a destination wedding and only invited family up to a certain point (1st cousins only) and a few friends (instead of a bridal party). My parents had told some of (my large) extended family we were having a destination wedding before discussing it with us so we made it really clear where the line was (and that everyone is invited to the at-home reception). People understood that we wanted to keep it small and there weren't any issues (that I know of!). With friends, it wasn't really an issue at all since we just told people we were keeping it very small from the beginning.
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So my FI & I are pretty much set on having a destination wedding. The only thing I'm worried about is we plan on only having it be us & our immediate family (both of our parents, and our 2 sisters). Although it would only be immediate family, we plan on having a bbq-type reception when we get home for all of our extended family & close friends.
Has anyone else gone this route? Were people upset about it? I'm not so much worried about my friends & family, as much as I am about HIS close friends. After my fiance & I decided on a destination wedding, we hadn't really talked about who we would be inviting. A few days ago my FI told his best friend that we were planning on having a destination wedding, and his friend asked him where it would be and was joking about not being able to afford it, so I know he thinks he's coming (which I can understand why, he's his closest friend) BUT... I really only want it to be immediate family. How did you break the news to your family & friends if you went this route? And should my fiance be telling his friends that it's only family right away, or until we get closer to the planning? (The wedding won't be until Summer 2012.)
Any input/advice for people going through the same thing would be appreciated. :) Thanks bees!