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I was kind of torn about "the ring" in the time leading up to my engagement. On one hand... I am a very rational and socially minded person. I know that diamond engagement rings are relatively new and really the result of a shrewd marketing ploy by debeers. I know that they are actually no more rare than a lot of other stones and the only reason they are so expensive is because of the way the diamond brokers withhold them. I know that there are horrible human rights violations in diamond mining and even though all diamonds from reputable place claim to be conflict-free... they can't all possibly be conflict free or else where would conflict diamonds go?
On the other hand... I really wanted a diamond engagement ring. It is totally irrational, totally emotional, totally influenced by my upbringing and socialization... but I just wanted one! I love the classic look, I love the (new) tradition, etc. There aren't many things I allow myself to be unreasonable about... but for this? I gave myself a break.
As for my particular ring, it is special because my FI worked really hard to save for it and to find the perfect one. I had given him some ideas, but he got the help of his mother and my best friend to look for it. Even though I gave him a variety of stuff I liked, he picked my favorite thing! How could he have known? Cushion cut + pave was my dream ring, and now its my real ring. Plus it is just so sweet that he worked SO hard to save for it.
My ring is special to me because, other than my wedding band, it's the only piece of "real" jewelry that I'm likely to own or wear.
It's also emotionally significant because my FI picked it out entirely on his own with almost no input from me at all. We had a few brief discussions re: my general dislike of diamonds, but that was it.
When I look at my ring, I see a powerful visible reminder of how well my FI knows and understands me. Given the opportunity to select the one thing that I'll wear every day for the rest of my life, he made exactly the right choice.
My e-ring is a custom ring made using my great grandmother's diamond so it has much sentimental value for me and for my family. In general I'm a sucker for beautiful sparkly jewelry, and my e-ring was going to be no exception.
i like the tradition aspect about it. i am crazy for tradition. my ring was my fi's great grandma's, so it was passed down from her, to his grandma, to his mom, to me. i love how it connects me to his family, and that one day i'll get to pass it down to our kid. plus just the symbolism of it. i know that i don't need a diamond ring to tell me that we're going to be together forever, but it's nice to have!
i have to be honest. my ring is totally generic. princess cut solitare on a plain white gold band. he picked got it, i'm sure, because that's what you're "supposed" to do when you propose. and I LOVE IT. it may be a totally unoriginal, and we're products of the diamond/wedding industry genius marketing tactics, but I like what it symbolizes and the tradition of it all. and, on an entirely superficial level, i like having a rock on my hand ;)
i think it's an important symbol - it doesn't have to be extravagant, but within your means. I feel like it's special for the asker to have saved and thought about the engagement and it's a show of good faith. For the wearer, it's a constant reminder of that promise and a token from your lover. I do agree that a lot of what we "want" is based on advertising, but there are plenty of ways to be more conscientious when picking out jewelry. Ours is an antique diamond, so no new footprint. You could choose a diamond from Canada, or created instead of mined dangerously. It is very special to me, because I've never owned something so wonderful, let alone be gifted something so beautiful. It's very unique looking and I think it's influenced a few people picking out engagement rings after we got engaged. Very wonderful compliment!
My rings are important to me b/c my FI designed them just for me. I don't wear rings at all so my wedding set will literally be the only rings I will ever wear. It's a symbol that my FI "gets" me....he took my general likes/dislikes and went even beyond my wildest dreams and it feels good to have that tangible reminder that he knows me inside and out.
Mine is important because we got it after we got engaged. I got proposed to with no ring and we picked it out later based on both our tastes. It is really a reflection of our life TOGETHER rather than of just my own tastes.
I love it.
Basically, ditto to everything Corgi said. It's exactly the same for me, especially the fact that FI put so much into saving for and picking out such a beautiful gift for me that holds so much social importance.
To me my ring is special because he went and picked it out on his own as a present a token of his love.l It was special that he saved and picked out areally nice ring that i love.
I don't think the engagement ring is necessary to cement the decision to get married. I currently have a friend who's planning her wedding without a ring, just a verbal discussion (although, from what I hear from her fiance, a ring is on its way).
I definitely wanted a diamond engagement ring. I'm not traditional about many things, but this symbol had a lot of meaning to me. I love that the diamond is the strongest stone out there, symbolizing that it would take an immense amount of force to break-up the marriage. I just think it's such an amazing and romantic way to start off a marriage.
I know diamonds aren't by any means rare (if they were, would so many people have them? haha) but my e-ring is the only real jewelry I have. It is a sign of My FI's love. I have told him we can get married with mood rings if we have too. I don't care about the fancy aspect of it. Just that FI thought of me when he got it, and it's a reminder of his promise to love me forever.
@bvig that's a great story of your ring!
I wasn't picky about my e-ring. I wasn't even sure if I wanted a diamond or a semi-precious stone instead. The only guidelines I gave him were square, with side stones didn't matter what kin,d and that he make sure it's from a reputable source & not a blood diamond.
He knows I love my Nanny's engagement ring (which I have) so in truth, he really didn't have to buy anything. Mostly I love it because he chose it for me himself, worked hard to pay for it and just put a lot of effort into it overall.
(*giggling* and cuz it's really sparkly. haha)
As someone who comes from a family with very little money, I really appreciate it whenever my man buys me something (especially because the stuff he buys is always nice...crazy what money can do!). I don't want a big expensive diamond--it's so not me, and so unnecessary--but I do love the idea of having an outward sign of our commitment. That's why I wear my garnet ring all the time. I can't wait to move that ring to my right hand and put a new ring on my left!
We are getting married without an engagement ring. I feel very strongly about most traditions, but this wasn't one of them. Even if my fiance wasn't a graduate student, I would have a hard time seeing it as anything other than a waste of money (for me- I'm not passing judgement on anyone else- if you want one, then it isn't a waste) and I have huge issues with the gem industry in general and the diamond industry in specific.
It turns out, that my mother had never wanted one either. She likes jewelry (more than I do), but she didn't see the point in an engagement ring (my dad ended up buying her one the day before the wedding, because he didnlt believe her). One of my best friends doesn't have one either.
We are, however, going to have wedding rings, as that to me, symbolizes the union more than an engagement ring.
Mine is special to me because it is a combination of what both of us wanted. He wanted a solitaire, I wanted something completely different than anything anyone else I knew had. It's also special to me, because it is one of two (soon to be three!) real pieces of jewelry I own. The other is a ring my mother gave to me for my 16th birthday.
@Dancy - Thanks! It was something I was kind of stressed about, I didn't want to hear comments like 'oh you're being different just for the sake of being different' or 'you're just trying to make some kind of political statement', but I also didn't want something that I didn't feel any real connection with or desire for. Then on the trip when we found all these pretty stones it became a good compromise between tradition and our individual taste.
Thanks for all the stories! I love hearing about what thinking everyone else was doing since I pondered what I wanted for a long while.
Mine is important to me because my fiance designed it for me and also a symbol of how far he has come since we dated. When we started dating, he had no held a job longer than 6 months, he was broke all the time, generally irresponsible. He didn't tell me this till after we got engaged but he said what he loved about me was that I made him a better man. He shaped up because he knew if he didn't I would leave him and he didn't want to lose the best thing that happened to him. It's a one carat, nearly flawless ring, in an art deco setting. I wouldn't have any other ring.
I've loved reading these messages! It's nice to know you're not alone in your feelings and your desires, no matter how rational or irrational they are.
On the one hand, I never wanted an engagement ring. On the other hand, I wanted one very badly. In favor of not having one, I really didn't want to have to worry about choosing a ring. For tiny things, they're exceptionally complicated!
Well, I didn't have to. I'm wearing the exact engagement ring that my fiance's mother wore when they were married in 1967. The diamond was originally purchased by my fiance's paternal grandmother in 1948 in Europe. So, I'm the third woman to wear this ring. Which is a remarkable, remarkable honor.
Thanks for this thread.
My ring is very special to me!! Two of the diamonds were from my FI's great aunt's ring that was passed down to his mom, and the middle diamond was GOING to be a ring from his grandmother's ring, but his mom really wanted to hold on to it - so she actually bought him a diamond to go in the middle. He really didn't want to let her buy it, but she insisted because he had always thought he'd be getting that diamond but when the time came to actually let go of the diamond she was just too sentimental. It was so sweet of her to do that!
I love that all three of the diamonds in my ring have some sort of a story behind them!
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So seeing the other thread about the rude DJ got me thinking about engagement rings and what's the point.
For me, well I didn't have a ring when we got engaged, we got a ring made then on etsy from stones we found on the beach from the trip where we got engaged (yay Costa Rica). I did want a ring since it's tradition and seemed like a good way to be reminded of our engagement and I love what I ended up with. But it is different than the traditional diamond engagement ring but I just never felt much connection with that part of the tradition.
So how's your engagement ring special? Is it tradition, the best piece of jewelry you had/will ever own, a symbol of love, a financial investment from your FI to show he's ready to commit . . .