(Closed) In a Pickle…

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Mr. Pickle needs to take charge of the situation, since this is all on his side of the family. If you try to approach any of the above parties about this situation, they will probably refocus their negative attention on you for "meddling"–not because it make sense, but as the non-blood relation in a high-stress situation, it would be easiest to make you the scapegoat.

Talk to Mr. Pickle about what you want to do, and decide on what you want to do together. Mr. Pickle will need to stand up for what you both decide on to his family. The passive-aggressive way to handle the situation might be to just not invite Mr. Jerk. That way, neither he nor Mr. Pickle’s sister will come to the wedding, saving you all from a tense situation on your wedding day. To make it less passive, Mr. Pickle could have a serious talk with his sister. It’s got to be him–even though he’s upset now and says he won’t talk to her, you should talk to him about doing it. He’s your connection to his family, and he needs to make all of the moves. He should also talk to his mother about his sister’s participation in the wedding, and hard it is on you to put you in the middle of such a difficult situation. Hopefully his mother will try to help find a solution (like, give you a break about the sister-in-law bridesmaid, or suggest an alternative choice).

Weddings are high-stress events, even if everything goes smoothly, and they tend to blow things out of proportion. Try not to worry about stuff which may be beyond your control. At least you tried.

Post # 4
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

MissPickle ~ it is sweet that you care so much (and I would too), but it really is an issue for Mr. Pickle to handle.  It would probably be best that you let the family handle this issue.  Stand by Mr. Pickle with whatever decision he makes, etc, but since you are not yet a Pickle you don’t want the drama of the issue on your hands; and unfortunately, maybe even your image tarnished. 

I second Raselshoe: try not to worry about the stuff that is beyond your control.  Focus on the wedding planning and the excitement of sharing your future with Mr. Pickle.  He can handle his family crisis.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Miss Pickle, there really is nothing for you to handle.  I’m afraid your wedding is not the tool that will fix the messed-up relationships of your FILS, nor should you allow them to use your special day to further their own agendas.

You’ve gracefully invited your FSIL to be a bridesmaid – up to her to participate or not, with or without evil boyfriend.  FIL is invited – it’s his choice to show up or not.  You concentrate on getting married that day.  Everyone else gets to decide if they want to act like adults or not; not your problem.  Don’t get sucked in.

Post # 6
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Miss Pickle-

So sorry for all the stress!!

What does your future hubby have to say about the situation? I know male tendancy is to ignore it and hope it solves it’s self but maybe he will have some ideas on how to deal with them, he has known them for a while now and maybe can shed some light on how they usually solves such squables. Remember the day is about you and your husband to be!

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