Post # 1
Mr Pickle and his sister had a falling out awhile ago but when we got engaged he asked me to invite his sister to be one of my bridesmaids. I agreed so that we could start off our married life on a good foot with his family and avoid his mother crying and being mad at me for tearing her family apart. Problem is, Sister Pickle is avoiding me and anything wedding.
Sister Pickle is dating one of the rudest and most obnoxious jerks on the face of the planet and at one time he and Mr Pickle were good friends. When Mr Pickle started breaking up with Mr Jerk things got interesting because Mr Jerk wanted to cling to Mr Pickle and thought dating Sister Pickle would salvage their friendship. It didn’t…It made it worse and for the last 2-3 years not only did their relationship fall apart so did the one between Sister Pickle, Mr Pickle and the rest of the Pickle family.
Last week at my bridal shower Sister Pickle announced that she and Mr Jerk were moving out together and now the Pickle family is at war. Father Pickle told Sister Pickle that if he sees Mr Jerk he will "kick his @ss" and that includes our wedding. There is no choice between Father Pickle and Mr Jerk…Father Pickle will be at the wedding. Sister Pickle will not go to the wedding if Mr Jerk is not invited and even if he’s invited but chooses not to go to avoid the Pickle Family she has made comments that she won’t be attending either.
I can’t ask her to step down because Mother Pickle will throw a fit and make life horrible. Mr Pickle is just beside himself and can’t even talk to Sister Pickle because he is so upset. He says that if she doesn’t show then they have no relationship at all and never will. I am at a loss. What is the best way to handle this?
Post # 3
Mr. Pickle needs to take charge of the situation, since this is all on his side of the family. If you try to approach any of the above parties about this situation, they will probably refocus their negative attention on you for "meddling"–not because it make sense, but as the non-blood relation in a high-stress situation, it would be easiest to make you the scapegoat.
Talk to Mr. Pickle about what you want to do, and decide on what you want to do together. Mr. Pickle will need to stand up for what you both decide on to his family. The passive-aggressive way to handle the situation might be to just not invite Mr. Jerk. That way, neither he nor Mr. Pickle’s sister will come to the wedding, saving you all from a tense situation on your wedding day. To make it less passive, Mr. Pickle could have a serious talk with his sister. It’s got to be him–even though he’s upset now and says he won’t talk to her, you should talk to him about doing it. He’s your connection to his family, and he needs to make all of the moves. He should also talk to his mother about his sister’s participation in the wedding, and hard it is on you to put you in the middle of such a difficult situation. Hopefully his mother will try to help find a solution (like, give you a break about the sister-in-law bridesmaid, or suggest an alternative choice).
Weddings are high-stress events, even if everything goes smoothly, and they tend to blow things out of proportion. Try not to worry about stuff which may be beyond your control. At least you tried.
Post # 4
MissPickle ~ it is sweet that you care so much (and I would too), but it really is an issue for Mr. Pickle to handle. It would probably be best that you let the family handle this issue. Stand by Mr. Pickle with whatever decision he makes, etc, but since you are not yet a Pickle you don’t want the drama of the issue on your hands; and unfortunately, maybe even your image tarnished.
I second Raselshoe: try not to worry about the stuff that is beyond your control. Focus on the wedding planning and the excitement of sharing your future with Mr. Pickle. He can handle his family crisis.
Post # 5
Miss Pickle, there really is nothing for you to handle. I’m afraid your wedding is not the tool that will fix the messed-up relationships of your FILS, nor should you allow them to use your special day to further their own agendas.
You’ve gracefully invited your FSIL to be a bridesmaid – up to her to participate or not, with or without evil boyfriend. FIL is invited – it’s his choice to show up or not. You concentrate on getting married that day. Everyone else gets to decide if they want to act like adults or not; not your problem. Don’t get sucked in.
Post # 6
So sorry for all the stress!!
What does your future hubby have to say about the situation? I know male tendancy is to ignore it and hope it solves it’s self but maybe he will have some ideas on how to deal with them, he has known them for a while now and maybe can shed some light on how they usually solves such squables. Remember the day is about you and your husband to be!
Post # 7
He wouldn’t even write her a thank you card without mentioning bad things like STDs she could get from his tiny member and the poor choices she’s making so he really is of no help. According to him his family never talks of anything of importance so I’m sure it’s not gonna start now.
I’m not that concerned with her being at the wedding or Drama there but she is a bridesmaid behaving badly and the time is coming where I mail out the invitations (decide to invite him or not), have to buy the girls their shoes, schedule their hair and make-up (all that I’m paying for) and finalize details with my florist and her bouquet is not that cheap to waste on someone whose flaky, bitter and might not show. I’ve mentioned to Mr Pickle that maybe he and I (as support for Mr Pickle) should schedule a cocktail meeting at a restaurant and be open with Sister Pickle and Mr Jerk and lay out our fears and the dilemma and see what they have to say. At that time I would expect her to either remain in the wedding party and cause me no more grief or bow out ungraciously and be done.
I don’t want to get involved in their personal things because I can’t change the way their family has worked for the last +25 years but when it effects me, the people I love and my money it kinda blurs the line of getting involved because it involves me but it’s really a Pickle family thing like the other posts have said.
Miss Pickle…In a Pickle…Still