(Closed) In a week, it could be over (some swearing)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i am so sorry, he is acting like a child. it is your day as well as his!

Post # 4
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh my goodness.

I didn’t post anything on your last thread ’cause you were getting so much good advice already, but, wow. I don’t know what to say.

I really hope he gets his act together.

Post # 5
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

we are having about 225 to our wedding and the budget it about $35,000

So i think you have a lot of extras you can cut back on.  And we are having country style (not completely sit down but close) and all inclusive bar.  But i am doing alot of decorating myself and have cheap DIY projects to get started. So it is possible. 

Personally, i think your guests are more important than all the little extras.  They wont remember if you had your initials on the napkins. And you dont need 2 dresses. 

Just my opinion. Surprisingly (even to myself) i side with your FI on this one. But i dont live in the city, and the hall we chose is amazing so far to work with. 

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, you are having such a tough time and I am sending you a lot of hugs. I admire you having the strength to give him a week to think it over (I think I would have given up at this stage!). However, I would be worried that he won’t come back to you with any kind of a concrete answer at the end of the week. So perhaps be prepared for that? I would spend this time preparing yourself for what it is you want and not just waiting to see what he wants. Compromise is great, but only if you are both making decisions together. One of the bees wrote a great post about relationships and the balance between competing to win and competing to lose. I think you have given him every opportunity to come to a solution with you and he just hasn’t stepped up to the plate.

Other than that I have no advice for you but really sympathise with you about all of this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling and I hope you are getting the support you need.

Post # 7
Member
9620 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, hon, OMG.  I’m so sorry.  He is such an ASS.  (sorry)  I don’t know what to say.  Big hugs. 

You’re the younger one here but he is acting like an immature, spoiled, entitled, selfish and irresponsible jerk.  He is trying to bully you into caving into his and his family’s demands. 

Don’t sign up for life for that kind of treatment.  You deserve better.

Post # 9
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This guy sounds like a diva.  I am sorry you are going through this.  But maybe postponing is ultimately a good decision for other obvious reasons.

Post # 10
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you handled it well. I might even go stay with friends/family for the week to really kick the message home.  He’s really acting like a spoiled child about this.

 

Post # 13
Member
9620 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  How about withdraw the money your parents have offered?  If he wants all this sh*t he should pay for it himself.  He’s old enough to have saved that much money, wtf is up with that anyway?  Doesn’t he work?  My FI and I are paying for everything for our wedding ourselves.  I wouldn’t marry someone without a dime to contribute. He’s a grown man, for God’s sake.  And his parents don’t seem to be contributing jack except a bunch of lip.

This is about his overly-inflated ego and how he wants to appear to his extended family.  Like he’s some “rich guy.”  Well, it shouldn’t be at your parents’ expense, or yours. 

Edit: Btw, I’m so proud of you for standing up to him!  🙂  That was fabulous.  Stay strong!

Post # 14
Member
3001 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  If my SO was being like this about cutting family he doesn’t know, I’d go straight to the source without him. Call up the inlaws and ask them to cut people out or fork over the cash. Plain and simple. That or not marry someone who isn’t capable of compromising in the least.

Post # 15
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry he’s acting immature about a serious discussion about your financial situation.  If you hadn’t already told him you wouldn’t bring anything up for a week – I would kindly remind him that cutting back, making compromises, and all that jazz IS part of the whole planning process.  I hope that he will come to senses soon enough.  Best of luck!  (hugs)

Post # 16
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mayflowerbride13:  K there you have it. He is Italian. I am Italian.  I know exactly where he is coming from.  I have alot of extended family i dont necessarily see all the time but they are close with my parents so they are important. Are you able to ask his parents to chip in for the extra people they want invited?  My parents did that with my brothers wedding. My mom wanted her cousins there so she paid for them. 

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