Post # 1
I really think that in an Ideal World, noone except the bride and the groom should have expectations on anything wedding related.
I think all the issues that stem from family disspointment and disapproval and hard feelings stem from family members having expectations on events in other peoples lives. Whether is mothers expecting a church wedding (in my case, even when noone in the family actually attends church…ever) to cousins that are barely seen expecting they would come to our 65 person wedding.
I really think when people get engaged nothing should be expected of them. I have several girlfriends who are engaged and I truly can say, whatever part of their day they wish me to partake in, I will be there. I expect nothing cause I understand how much they have coming at them and hat weddings are expensive.
I just wish that people would stop making weddings about them and just go with what the bride and groom want!
Post # 3
Ah… in an ideal world.
I live in this ideal world. It is called “Planet Elopement.”
Post # 4
@Elvis: Ha! I just think people would be so much happier if they did not expect their wishes to be fulfilled on other people’s big day!
Post # 5
So far my family has been pretty good about keeping it to themselves and just nodding and smiling when they think I’m off my rocker, let’s hope it stays this way as we get closer to the day!
Post # 6
I am happy to help out at other people’s weddings but I would never throw a tantrum if I wasn’t invited. The bride and groom should be able to do what they want. Why do family and friends have to come up with all these expectiations? And If I don’t plan my wedding to suit their tastes, I’m the bad guy? really?
Post # 7
Ugh I have ONE uncle like this. He makes my family nuts! At the last wedding( my brothers) he drove me crazy. The wedding was beautiful seriously everyone at the wedding said it was the best they have been to, and the food was amazing! My uncle ( who before the wedding said, I’m expecting the best food and entertainment! WTH?!) came up to me and was like ” wow dont you think they could have served better food?” Meanwhile he asked for 2nds!!!! UGH!
Post # 8
I think a lot of expectation has to do with the financial aspect. If a family member is giving X amount of money then they feel like they should have a say in what the money is spent on.
But if you are paying for it yourself, then everyone else needs to STFU and let you do your thing 🙂
Post # 9
I think it’s because people have other expectations of weddings. Maybe it’s a generational thing in some cases, maybe it’s a cultural thing, but to a lot of people, a wedding isn’t just about the couple. It’s about families and communities and traditions, too. If someone plans on having a wedding (not a party, not an event, but a wedding) it’s naive to expect that nobody else in either family or any of their communities is going to have an opinion, or is going to be hurt and upset if the couple decides to do something that flies in the face of what their family thinks a wedding should be. (eg. Not in a church, not inviting extended family.)
I don’t mean that there’s anything wrong with trying to have the wedding you want, but people know, going into these things, the expectations of their families and communities. You know, going in, that there might be a clash because of differing expectations between those families and communities. Some people do act out badly in these situations, and make a bigger deal of it than it needs to be. But before it was ever about finding the perfect venue and thumbprint trees and whether to choose Vera or Maggie, weddings were symbols of social alliance. Sometimes they’re still political acts. (Gay marriage, for instance.)
I think expecting everyone else to just shut up and show up (because it’s “My Day!”* and that’s what I want) like it’s just another fancy dress party is unrealistic and doesn’t in any way acknowledge what weddings mean to people, not just the couple getting married at that particular moment.
Which doesn’t mean that all the surrounding drama isn’t still stressful and annoying. But it’s often understandable, if not justified or reasonable.
*(Also, I am pretty sure if anyone ever tells me to go ahead and do something because it’s “My Day!” I’m going to punch them in the mouth. Because I hate that phrase with a passion, and all the spoiled, self-entitled bullshit it’s come to represent. 🙂
Post # 10
Hrm. This is a vague way of saying exactly how I feel right now.
People tell me that if I know I’m gonna get crap regardless of what I do, I should do what I want and not worry about it. All I want is not to get crap. Is that so hard? I don’t want someone badering me about why I’m having my wedding five hours way from my house (3 hours away from most of the people I’m inviting, a central location). I don’t want to hear people kvetching about having to drive the three hours. I don’t want to hear how I need to try to haggle with a venue before I have even given them any money. I don’t want to hear how “you’ve done this before so you’re ‘just trying to help’ (by being controlling and treating people like they’re disabled)”.
If I can’t even have a peaceful tasting, why in the hell would I even want to attempt having a full scale todo? That makes no sense.
They say do what you want, “it’s your day”. That’s fine. Except everyone wants to tell you how “your” day should go. Yeah, the phrase and its connotation is annoying, but seriously, I’m trying to throw a shindig because for some unknown reason, I think you’re important enough to witness a major milestone in our life.
I should really be quite angry right now, but instead I’m crying. What a bother.
Post # 11
@missjewels: Agreed!! And honestly I am of the mindset that if people have offered to pay for parts of your wedding as a gift it is incredibly rude of them to expect they have a final say on what you do with the money. Gifts should not have strings attatched. Period. I think it’s great to let them have a say or weigh in but you shouldn’t be expected to just roll over to their wants. If parents are paying but have made it clear they are doing this as hosts..then it can get sticky. I know I sound silly, but I can feel my heart flutter a little everytime a good friend calls to jokingly (but not really) inform me they’ve “planned my wedding,” I have a friend who has a pinterest board for my wedding. I love that their excited, but my family expects some traditional ceremony- my friend expect hot topic LOL I partially blame them for my insane wedding nightmares : )
Post # 12
@Elvis: PREACH! I vom everytime someone says it’s “my day,” even if people are telling me that about Fi and I’s wedding. No…there’s no such thing as a wedding or any event being “my day.” How selfish, and childish.