Post # 1
I am in desperate need of advice!! I am having a July 23rd wedding and still have yet to solve the whole BM dress drama. I have 4 BM’s..2 that live out of state, one that lives 3 hours away, and 1 right here with me. I really want them all to wear the same dress, in black because “black flatters all shapes”. One of the out-of-state girls is heavier (size 18/20) and the one here with me is a size 4. So what I did was pick out some dresses from the Alfred Angelo line and had my heavier out-of-state BM try them all on and figured out which one she liked the best and fit her well. I then took my girl here with me to the nearest bridal shop for an evening of trying on dresses. Or an evening of hearing her say “It’s your wedding, you pick”. Down to the final 2 dresses and the BM here picks the more expensive dress which I am fine with as long as she is fine with it. Great! Everyone is in agreement over the dress. It will look great on my other 3 girls as well, they are getting measured this weekend. (Side note- this was Thursday night, it is now Saturday at 3am) 9am, Friday morning, the very next morning, I receive a call from (here with me BM, who picked out the more expensive dress) saying “Hey! I just found some *insert-random website off the internet* and they have dresses for $100” Me: thinking to myself “What the hell? I thought we all were in agreement on the dress and price?” BM: “Well I got to thinking that is a lot of money for a dress that I am only going to wear one time” Me: “I understand that, but you told me you were comfortable with the price and style” Her: she proceeds on to tell me about her on-line shopping adventures as I sit at work at my desk. AAHHH!!! All I know is I need to get dresses ordered soon for my July wedding. This particular BM is leaving for the next 2 weeks on MONDAY for a trip to Florida!! This person never lets on that money is an issue with anything or I would have opted for a less expensive dress and not have given her a choice. What do I do?? This person has now pretty much dictated what kind of BM’s dress I will have. How do I stop the maddness and let’s be honest….straight out telling her “Hey! Stop being a pain in the ass!” is probably not going to work. So I need to either find an alternative to the dress that I like within her *sigh* $100 price range *histarically laughing/not* The dress we had picked out was $160 (tax inlcuded/60% down and the remainder to be paid when picking up dress). For our area, the cost is probably more average than what she thinks. She keeps telling me “Well so-n-so had dresses when I was in her wedding and they were $80”. I am stressed to the max, in tears, extrememly mad but still want to salvage my relationship with this person. Her husband is our best-man as well…she is not the MOH though. Please help me…sorry if I rambled..I do believe I explained how it is 3am in the morning, right?
Post # 3
Yeah I’m dreading this issue…… my MOH is about five/six hours away, and my other three are across the country, two in the same town, the other an hour from them. I’ve heard that you need to order their dresses all in the saw order to guarantee dye lot consistency, but how do I have four girls from three completely diff towns buy dresses? Or do I buy them all as/in addition to their gift? I’ll be following this thread for advice too 😉 Oh, and as for your issue (sorry for the huge sidetrack!!) I say you tell her “it’s my wedding!!”
Post # 4
Breathe. So, that part about her pretty much dictating the BM dresses for your wedding? Yeah. That. Sorry, but she is not allowed to dictate what goes on in your wedding. Suggest? Sure. You’ve been courteous to be open to suggestion. Dictate? No. Tell her that you have taken her suggestions into consideration but that it is time to make a clear decision for the MAJORITY of the BMs and choose the dress that was already agreed upon. At which point she then has the choice to either a) throw a hissy fit or b) concede and do what YOU want to do for YOUR wedding. If she agrees, great. Perhaps you could even offer to help out on the cost if it means that much to her and if it helps keep the peace. However, if she is ungrateful and throws a hissy fit, she can then chose to: a) suck it up and make it work or b) no longer be a BM. Mind you, it would be her CHOICE, not you telling her to step down or whatnot.
Post # 6
totally agreed with cornflake girl:) i am ordering my dressers off line but and they are cheaper but u don’t get to try them on which being a big bustered girl is not a good option for me but my 1 BM is happy cause she has a nice body that would fit anything and we got a dress that will fit her and look good even if she is bigger ( she is have a baby in july ) she already has a simlar dress to so she no’s it will suit her…… but personally i would tell the bm to back off its your wedding in a way that will not offend her.
Post # 7
This is such a tough issue, and I’ve had BM drama too so I know how difficult this is. I think you need to tell her that the dress she originally chose is the one she needs to get. End of story. Say it in a nice way in order to salvage the friendship like you said, but no more playing games and comparing your wedding to other peoples. This is causing you stress and that isn’t fair.
Maybe you could tell her that other Bm’s have already started buying their dresses and it’s too late to change now. Or you can say something like: “I understand the cost is an issue, but it took so much work to find this dress and it’s what I want you all to wear. Since you only have to pay ___% down now, maybe that will give you some extra time to get up the rest of the money. I would love to help you out but then i would have to help everyone pay for their dress and that isn’t fair to me. If you feel like this is too much of a financial responsibility I understand if you want to step down, but I really hope you can make this work because it’s important to me to have you in my wedding.”
If you are willing to help her with the cost let her know that she needs to buy that dress and you will give her $60 to make the dress fit into her $100 price range. I had to do this with my BM’s and it put me over budget a little but it kept the peace which helped me to keep my sanity. You might get some flack from her, but just repeat yourself in a calm and understanding voice until she gets it.
Let us know how it will go. The sooner you talk to her the better you’ll feel. It will all work out, a lot of us have been there before. 🙂
Post # 8
Thanks for the great advice! I’m really afraid of the on-line buying of bridesmaid’s dresses and have told her from my past experiences that have been complete nightmares. I am paying for one of my out-of-town BM’s dresses because to me, it is more important for her to be here then for me to have the money. I have kept that very hush-hush, only she and I know about it. When I asked her I knew of her financial situation. The other two friends are “trust-fund babies” so they have no issue on the cost of anything. This particular one, a waitress, who just got done bragging about the tips she made for Valentines Day alone of $1,500, has the issue. For a waitress in our area to make that kind of money is awesome! Hell for anyone in our area to make that is good. My fiancee are both professionals and are more financially stable than most/all of our friends. We are having a nice wedding on the golf course of our Country Club and I don’t want some random, never seen or tried on dress coming in the mail a few weeks before I get married. By any means do I exprect them to go broke over a dress that they will only wear once. I think what bothers me in the situation the most is that she is leaving for vacation this coming week (and this is not the first or last she will take this year) and has no clue on how this is stressing me out and WHy in the hell did SHE pick the more expensive dress!!!??. I was in this situation several years ago. I was asked to be the MOH in a friends wedding and accepted. About 3 months before the wedding my financial situation changed and I was then getting divorced. I told the Bride and she said that is fine if you are not able to afford it then I understand if you “step-down”. Which is what I did…bad thing…I didn’t even get an invite to the wedding after that!!!!
Post # 9
I so feel for you. Although ordering the dress online might be more appealing to the other girls as well price wise I can also understand your anxiety about ordering online. You just really never know what your getting. Personally, I wouldn’t chance it. I say you tell the girl that you don’t want to take a chance with anything going wrong. By ordering in a store you have the opportunity to deal with people face to face if there is a problem instead of getting the run around through email or an 800 number. Its not worth $60. Offer to pay the difference for her. I bet she will not take you up on it and hopefully feel like an as$ for causing the situation. Hopefully. Anyway, like I said, its just not worth it.
Post # 10
I vote you just pay the difference to make sure you’re happy with the choice made.
Must say I’m glad that in the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaid (and the rest of the bridal party) dresses/ accessories etc as it means you can decide what budget you’re working with. This is awkward but if you want to stick with the original plan I’d stump up the cash if you can afford to. Good luck!