Post # 1
Hi all, a smidge of background….
Im 25, my fiance is 22. We were living with MY mother for the past year, as we were house hunting and our apatment lease was up. We have recently moved out into a new house. My mother has terrible bi polar dissorder, however, refuses to admit it. She has always been a little on the absurd side. I, an only child with no father figure, have always been able to brush my mother off and deal with her antics. With the wedding.. the game has changed. after planning for over a year, and the money and time and everything… she has decided to share how much she HATES my fiance. Yadda yadda yadda, all these stupid reasons, and overall… I still love him and I know that we will be happy. We ARE still getting married. The rest of my family loves him and his family adores me. I partially knew my mother would have issues, as im her only baby. Since we have moved out, she has been extra suacy… smart allic comments, rude phone calls, etc. My question/what I need help with… How do I plan this wedding with her, and how can I just ignore her? I feel like im going to blow up on her and its going to be BAD!!! Lets also throw this out there… I, yes I, am basically paying for the wedding myself. My grandparents have given me a little, and my mother bought my dress ($800). So, its not like I am in debt to her. Also, if I do try to talk to her, she just blames it on my fiance, and says that he has made me a “bad person”, I do try to explain that I am an adult and I have opinions. She doesnt listen when I tell her she is wrong… in her eyes, she could NEVER be wrong.
Please help me on how I can plan this wedding with a smile on my face and not blow a nut on my mother!!!
Post # 3
Then be simple and straight forward.
Mom, if you cant support me and FI, I dont want to speak with you. As soon as she is negative about something, repeat that and hang up the phone or leave whereever you are.
Dont JADE. Justify, argue, defend or explain.
You cant rationalize with an irrational person.
Post # 4
Don;t involve her in the wedding planning process. I have dealt with bipolar before and there is no reasoning with them unless they are on their meds. Quite firmly what they see and relity are two different things. She will never accpet him as is and will continue to make it worse. SO just phase her out.
Post # 5
agree with both of them. Good luck, and stand firm!
Post # 6
Been here, done this! I would want to keep her included, simply becuase she was my mom and that’s something special you’re supposed to share. However, I do understand it can become overwhelming and irritating. Whenever my mom would start one of her moods, I would just cut her off and calmly say, please don’t act that way, I am trying to have a rational discussion with you. It was like, the calmer I responded to her craziness, the calmer she became. I think sometimes they feed off you getting upset.
Post # 7
@MrsCoachBtoBee: This seems like great advice.
Post # 8
Thank you all!!! The more I read I do realize im not the crazy one. Sometimes I think im overreacting. But, I know im not. Yes, I want to include her bc she is my mom, and I will regret cutting her out, later in life. However, planning is stressul enough, without having to deal with a 40 year old child. I also dont want to create any drama with the rest of my family. They know of her attitude, but most of them dont know how extreme she is. Im the type of person that likes to keep the peace. I hate drama, and would rather ignore it and brush it off. Hopefully I can just ignore the negative. Just nice to hear from other ladies. lol.