Post # 1
So I’ve got this wedding drama on my hands, and I’d love some advice on how to deal with it!!
I sent my future sister-in-law an inviation to our wedding, addressed to just her, no guest. At the time we sent out invitations she wasn’t dating anyone. A few weeks ago her mother asked if it would be ok if her daughter brought a date. I said no and explained that our numbers were already giving me anxiety and we’d like to spend our wedding day with people we know. I thought that was it….
So then the sister sent back her RSVP card with her name and guest. I was pretty shocked at the blatent way she had ingnored my request. When my fiance spoke to his parents about it, they responded with, “but she’s family…she just started dating this guys and is excited to finally have someone to bring…you sent invitations to other people who are bringing their significant others.”
I am BEYOND annoyed at them. We only included dates for people we know personally and those who have been together for over a year. Plus, it’s rediculously rude to write “and guest” on your RSVP card then it wasn’t addressed to a guest.
Now the sister says she doesn’t even want to come to our wedding. Which is rediculous because the day isn’t about her.
Help! What can I say to her to help her understand where we’re coming from? I want to stand my ground on this without being a total bridezilla.
Post # 3
The only people who know that adding “and guest” is impolite are people involved in planning a wedding. Is one more person really going to ruin the entire day? I think it’s better to let this one slide, to avoid all the drama not allowing her to bring a date would create.
Post # 4
It is totally rude and i would be very POd, but since it is your Future Sister-In-Law i would make an exception. If it was a more extended relative it would be a definite “no’, but since this could make for bad blood at family gatherings i would just bite the bullet and say ok…. but let her know that you are doing her a big favour.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
“our numbers were already giving me anxiety and we’d like to spend our wedding day with people we know”
This says is all– If she wants to throw a tantrum and now come, that’s fine; it’s not about her, and more than likely even if she does throw a tantrum, by the time the wedding rolls around she will be over it.
Post # 6
You are not wrong. She’s being rude and immature. She should have listened to your request.
It’s going to be a whole lot less hassle, though, if you just let your sister-in-law bring her guest.
If this was some distant cousin, I’d say, stand your ground. But, it’s not, it’s your husband’s sister– soon to be your sister. Take the high road and let her bring her boyfriend.
Post # 7
Ask yourself if this is a hill you want to die on. Is one person going to put you over your limit? Can your Fiance talk to his family and compromise- if after you receive back the rsvps there are enough declines you can comfortably accommodate the extra guest?
Post # 8
Let your Fiance deal with this. She is his sister.
Post # 9
I know that you really want her to understand where you’re coming from, but I’m sort of with her. I don’t feel like this is something you should cause a family feud over. To me, this is something that’s important to your future family, and while I understand there are things that you sometimes need to stand your ground on, this isn’t worth ruining your relationship over.
Post # 10
For immediate family I personally would just let it go. It’s not worth the frustration over one person IMO.
Post # 12
Arg! I feel for you! I have had this happen twice to me now!
The first time I invited my aunt and uncle and they invited all three of there kids, their grandkids and their kids significant others! 9 extra people!
And just recently my aunt told me she was bringing her 16 year olds son’s girlfriend to the wedding, without even asking! And they are flying in and have already bought her a plane ticket!!!!
Can you even believe how RUDE people can be?
Stick to your guns or you will feel walked all over. I am sure his sister will want to come and if she doesn’t it is her that will fell bad about missing such an important day in her brothers life. DO NOT let her make this about her! 🙁 I am sorry, the situation sucks, and you may feel like a b**** for saying no (I did even though I am pissed, but I don’t want to feel taken advantage of!)
Post # 13
I think the most annoying part of this whole thing is that your Future Mother-In-Law specifically asked and you said no, then they did whatever they wanted anyway. That is a little disrespecful, in my opinion. If they hadn’t asked and she had just written her date in, that’d be a different, slightly less annoying story.
I do agree with PP, though. It’s not worth the fight, especially with your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law.
Post # 14
@julies1949: I agree with you.
Post # 15
Thanks for all these quick responses! I guess because it’s future family I shouldn’t create any more drama than necessary…I will probably end up taking the high road and let him come. BUT…she better still be with the guy by our wedding day!!
Post # 16
I totally understand that you are frustrated, and why you are frustrated. For someone to have ignored your wishes so blatantly….BUTTT this girl will be your family forever, and as stubborn as I am I still might let this one slide. No matter what though, I’d make Fiance handle it.