Back story is needed to really understand what is going on, so here it goes. 3 years ago my now husband and I started a long distance relationship-I was living in Texas and he was in California. About a year after that we decided I would move to California since the only family I had was my mother and then step family (my step father died during the long distance part of our relationship).
After moving to California my husband and I lived with his brother about 15 minutes from their parents house. Things were great, we all got along, his parents treated me amazingly and we were all happy….for about 6 months. His brother then began acting odd and after a while he tells everyone he is gay. This caused a ton of drama, not because anyone disapproved, but because he expected everyone to disapprove.
A few months after he came out we all got to meet his boyfriend. This is when things changed my husbands parents started to ignore my husband and me and did everything possible to please their other son. This caused tension between my husband and his brother so when our lease was up we got our own apartment even though we knew this meant his brother would have to return to living with his parents.
While not living together did fix the brother relationship it has exacerbated issues with his parents. We are never a priority any more, not even at our wedding. My in laws invited my brother in laws boyfriend and his entire family even though we had never met them and were concerned about my husbands catholic grandparents freaking out at our wedding when then figured out brother in law is gay. When brother in law’s boyfriend is in town their whole family (parents, younger sister and boyfriend and brother in law and boyfriend) all have dinner together and go out to movies and bowling and such. Even though we now live 10 minutes from my in laws we are never invited.
They all went on a vacation to San Diego and sea world that my in laws paid for, yet we were not even invited if we paid for it ourselves. We are still excluded from visits, yet whenever a holiday happens we are expected to be there even without being given any details ( we asked what time we should come over for Christmas Eve and were not told until that day). Now it is almost Easter and we still haven’t been given details… Also my mother in law always attacks my husband when we do see them, she gets upset that he doesn’t answer brother in laws texts artwork, mad when they tease each other (only mad at husband). We have talked to Mather in law and she said she just doesn’t want to push brother in law away because she is afraid he will move to where his boyfriend and boyfriends family lives.
This brings me to the problem happening right now: currently my in laws, brother in law, sister in law and brother in laws boyfriend are all on vacation together again in Vegas and we weren’t invited. Both my husbands feelings and mine our hurt. I could careless if they invite me (after all their past exclusion I don’t mind any more) but it hurts my feelings that they don’t care enough to invite my husband. What worse is that he asked his sister (they are very close) if it would be wrong to tell his parents (after their vacation obviously) how his feelings were hurt by this. She agrees that his parents exclude us and that their mom does anything for the brother in law and uses my husband as a scapegoat, but she said “please don’t say anything”.
I have no idea what to do,both of us really want to solve the issue, but we don’t want to cause problems. This whole situation is really making me regret the choice to live here instead of in Texas with my family. I don’t want to cause problems for my husband and his sister, but I feel like if he allows his parents to keep doing this without saying anything it will only cause more problems. Help!
(Sorry this was so long and Ty if you read the whole thing!)