In law issues. LONG

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I can fully understand your frustration with your FMIL, but I would never in a million years use the word “bitching” to anyone in my family. 

I am not sure what advice to give you, since you have already tried apologizing and it didn’t get you anywhere. 

I’d take some time to let the situation cool off. I’d also let your FI try talking to his mom without you there.

Other than that, I don’t know. Hopefully time will ease all this nonsense.

Post # 5
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well you aren’t winning any points by blaming your poor behavior on pregnancy, instigating a fight via text and then when it doesn’t go your way saying you can’t stress because you are pregnant. Are you incubating a human or are you an invalid? If you wanna play with the big dogs you gotta be able to piss in the tall grass- don’t use the word bitch in any way or form to a family member and then cry foul when they defend themselves. 

Post # 6
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think your fiance needs to be in charge of his own relationship with his family. 

I know it can be hard, but things will go over more easily if you are more gracious and don’t accuse people of bitchiness (even if it’s true).  Pretend you are floating above all this, and refuse to engage until she can act like an adult.  Abruptly change the subject to something neutral if need be.

Whining about relationships that haven’t even started yet isn’t mature, but it isn’t mature for you to get down to her level either.  When you wrestle with a pig…

Post # 7
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a MIL who acts the same way as yours. I do almost envy your ability to stand up for yourself (although as PP mentioned, maybe the way it was done wasn’t ideal). I understand your frustration though.  It’s pretty obvious that your FMIL is very insecure about being pushed to the side once the baby is born and not getting to be apart of his life. It’s not fair to you, or anyone that she has to keep complaining about it though…I could see if the baby was 3 months old now and she’s barely seen him THEN she could start complaining a bit but for her to complain this much before she (or anyone) even knows how things will be is a little frustrating.  Maybe try talking to her calmly or have your FI do so.  Try to reassure her she’ll be in this baby’s life but she also needs to just relax a bit.  

Post # 11
6173 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you had every right to ask whoever you wanted to watch the baby during your honeymoon. 

i know many times, mother’s of sons get jealous because the wife tends to go towards her own mother to help her with the baby.  it is just the way things are.


Post # 12
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@eecuadrado:  you mentioned numerous times you acted the way you did because you are pregnant and then had FI say you can’t handle the stress because it’s bad for the baby. So yes you did cop out and blame poor behavior on a condition that millions of woman have been through and the vast majority of us haven’t spoken in derogatory spirit to our families. If you really were wanting to apologized you should have called as text is notorious for fanning the flames of a situation. She’s not right but following it up with a wrong doesn’t make you right either.  

Post # 13
502 posts
Busy bee

That sounds very frustrating. It also sounds like you were rude to two of his family members during that whole dinner. Even when you apologized through texts, they were fake apologies. “I’m sorry, BUT here’s what you did that was bad.” That’s not genuine, and that’s not an apology that you truly mean. I appreciate that you were trying to smooth things over, but on their end it’s another backhanded way of insulting them. “I’m sorry BUT stay out of my business” and “I’m sorry BUT stop being a bitch.”

And THEN when they tried to continue conversation (was it all actually rude?) you brush them off with one word answers and then wonder why they get upset.

The brilliant thing about deciding to use texting as an apology mode is that you can also drop the phone and not respond immediately to a text, and wait until you’ve cooled down. 

Maybe just keep a distance from his family for a couple of weeks. Perhaps that’s the only way to keep the peace in this situation and ease the stress.

Post # 16
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@eecuadrado:  This woman seems extremely immature and classless (however, it seems that’s how the family unit functions… I couldnt imagine calling one another out like that at a family dinner)

She is incredibly insecure and you’re feeding the fire by being there at her every beckon need. It seems like you guys really need to distance yourself since she is upsetting you too much. Your FI needs to talk to her about setting boundaries between being a grandmom and a mother– she is acting like a controlling mother v. happy grandmum 

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