In-Law Obligations

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would absolutely not go to my inlaws if my husband was working. Getting me to go there is like pulling teeth to start, so going with out him just wouldn’t happen. Luckliy he doesn’t like going there just as much as me so he would never except me too.  Good luck with coming to an agreement with your DH. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

Um, no. FI works every holiday. I go to my mom’s. 

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Are you close to them or have kids with your husband yet? If not Isee no reason to hang out with my ILs without my husband. 

Post # 5
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with PPs. You could, I guess, drop by and leave them an Easter present and chat w them for 5 minutes and then go to your parents’.

Post # 6
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Unless you have kids, there’s no obligation whatsoever! I certainly am not heading to NYC alone this weekend to celebrate passover with FI’s family while he does homework. Likewise, he wouldn’t head to my dad’s cousin’s house the following day for Easter if I wasn’t going.

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

jg780806:  You have to figure out a compromise.  We rotate the holidays among 3 sets of parents (my mom & stepdad, my dad & stepmom, and his parents.)  We also make sure to take a holiday off here and there so we can just spend the day together as a family ourselves.

That said, it’s not fair for him to expect you to spend the holiday with his family if he’s not going to be there too.  I love my inlaws but I don’t want to spend a holiday alone with them if I have the option of spending it with my family.  If your MIL is reasonable tell him to ask her what she thinks; most likely she will agree with you.

Post # 8
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Depends on distance. Both of our parents live 3 hours away (in opposite directions, so from one house to the other is 6 hours). So we alternate major holidays. Fortunately, they’re all on board, and it’s only Mother’s day, thanksgiving and Christmas. We don’t bother with the rest. We would do Father’s day, but my dad has passed away and his dad prefers to celebrate by sitting back and having a beer in peace and quiet.

Post # 9
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

jg780806:  If it’s important to him and his family, then I think you should at least make an effort.  They ARE you family, too, now, right? 

Post # 10
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Until we have kids, I wouldn’t feel an obligation to visit them on holidays if was going to be just me. It’s not that I don’t love my in laws. But I’m new to the family so I always feel like the third wheel.

Post # 11
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not really in this situation as my family and my husband’s family are around 2 hours away from each other, and also from us.  So it would not really be reasonable to spend part of the day with one side and part with the other.  But if they lived near each other, I could definitely see myself stopping by to spend some time with them on a holiday if my husband couldn’t be there for some reason.  I enjoy spending time with them and we get along well.

Post # 12
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it would be weird if you decided to still split your day on Easter if he wasn’t around to be there with you. I wouldn’t do that with my DH’s family. We’d just reschedule. To be fair, I wouldn’t go to my mom’s on Easter without him either. We’re a unit and we see the family together. We’d reschedule. (Don’t know if anyone has told you or your husband yet, but holidays dont’ have to be celebrated exactly on the day with everyone 😉 )

Post # 13
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My MIL does invite me to events if my DH is out of town. But until i have children i dont feel the need to visit them alone. 

They monopolize most of our holidays anyway. 

Post # 14
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think you should have to visit them if your husband won’t be there.  I struggle with the etiquette as well because we are from the same home town area and sometimes I go back without FI to visit my family/friends on non holiday weekends.

We don’t have kids but with our families living close together we are usually able to visit both on the day of most holidays.  I do have a tough time compromising in that we always go see his family later in the day/evening and usually end up staying fairly late so the visits with his family are sometimes several hours longer than with mine.

I think it would be strange to visit them for a holiday dinner without him for sure though.  And I really don’t think they want to see me as much as they do him.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Orchid71.
Post # 15
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Uh no, it’s his family so unless they were my only plans, I wouldn’t go, I’d be with mine. If they WERE my only plans that day then yes I would still go. It’s not my job to stop by and say hi on his behalf. That probably will change after we have kids but not before.

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