Post # 1
I dont want to get into significant detail. But my step father in law said something to me that i deemed inappropriate. My husband was right there, he knew it was something that would upset me and he did nothing. Now I was raised to be a strong woman and speak for myself… but I know when its best to not do so until I cool off. So I said nothing. I just wish my husband would have atleast said “please dont speak to my wife that way infront of our DD” or something like that. I cried last night and ofcourse my DH is non confrontational and won’t even talk about it. just gets annoyed. He keeps saying dont say anything before they give us the rest of our weddding gift. I say no gift is worth my dignity. Is it asking to much for him to just confront his step dad letting him know he is not welcome to talk to us that way? I dont want him to fight with him. Just say hey that really upset my wife. please dont speak to her that way again… sorry i am upset. I literally rode down to their house yesterday morning, got out of the car to say hi, and got blasted with an issue that was between my dh and my in laws and got blamed. ugh.
Post # 3
@ABCarlyle: Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m in a similiar situation but my FFIL. He doesn’t blatantly insult me, he’s just a total jerk to everyone around him and sometimes I’m in that mix. Sometimes when he is drinking he will say stuff to me that I find rude but I’m also very sensitive so who knows.
I know how it feels, though, to want your SO/FIetc to stick up for you in those sorts of situations and it’s very frustating when they don’t! It’s like, come on! Be a man!
My first question would be has this happened before? If so, has he stood up for you then? How is your relationship with your StepFIL?
What is the wedding gift he speaks of? — to let someone walk all over you for a gift (money?) is just not worth it, IMHO.
I think the next time if happens you should calmly tell him how you feel. You don’t have to say it in a rude way, just a nice calm matter, “Please do not speak to me that way.”
Post # 4
@S2013: My S-FIL is known for his rudeness. The worst part is he deems himself as the world’s best christian. He has done horrible things to everyone at some point and my MIL condones it. Its been an issue in their family since before me from my understanding. I happened to just get my first dose. I try my hardest to keep my MIL happy and standing up to him, well thats a way to kill the relationship. Before we were married they’d always talk to us they’d say “we have something heavy on our heart” and talk to us about living together, going to church, what ever. and lecture us. ya…. I think next time I am going to do this myself. I grew up being taught men don’t raise their voice to women…especially if their husband is there. happenings with the husband are to be handled by the husband not with the wife.
in a nut shell this hasnt happened before to me, my relationship was what i thought to be pretty good except the fact that he isnt much on kids and my four year old makes noise. the gift was money. I dont even want it. If they are petty enough to take that away when they were in the wrong i consider it dirty money anyways.
I can’t let it go. It kills me knowing he is sitting in church thinking he just got to act like that and got his way because of course my MIL made it to where he got his way.
Post # 5
ugh so sorry your husband’s not sticking up for you. I’d definitely say something if that’s the case! My mom and her MIL exchanged quite a few words after they got married and their relationship is much better now.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s asking too much. My husband won’t let anyone talk to me disrespectfully. He considers being a Christian husband taking care of your household. Plus I’m his heart so me being upset really upsets him.
Question: you married a man that doesn’t like children when you have a 4 year old – whose suppose to be loud and make noise like all 4 year olds – but the relationship is good. I’m asking because you want him to stand up for you. Are you standing up for her? Are you being an example of what true love does?
Post # 7
*hugs* I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I can relate. Whenever my IL’s would do something that I did not appriciate he would always tell me to get over it because he didn’t want to start anything with his family. I understand how much it hurts when it feels like your DH is putting your feelings to the side.
Someone, whether it be you or him, needs to tell you SFIL that what he said was inappropriate and that it will not be tolerated. And he can either respect that or you will limit your time with them. And your DH should learn to stick up for you.
Post # 8
My ex inlaws always said inappropriate things to me or over parented me. My ex alway sided with them or never spoke up to them, or put his foot down to his parents. His parents always came first. Needless to say, they, and that, is one of the few reasons why he is my ex. I’d have a talk with your DH about it.