Post # 1
This post is just to vent…. And I blame both my husband and in-laws. They have absolutely no consideration for planning in advance!
The first episode was when DH called me when he was as work, and said that his mom and gram were gonna stop by(within 30 mins) bc they wers in our area for his grams millionth high school reunion…. We’ll they knew about this for WEEKS and never once told us and said we would like to stop by…. They give us a freakin 30 min heads up… So I scrvled around tiding the house and rearranging dinner plans…
Tonight, literally 45 mins ago… BIL calls and says that he’s gonna take DH up in his offer, the one I was not told of… WEeKS ago, and wanted to crash at our house. He is down in the area for work and was just gonna sleep in the truck or at the farm show booth… IN DECEMBER, where we are having colder crappy weather…. DH apparently offered our spare bedroom and BIl declined and I was never told about it. Well fuck me, I have the spare bedroom torn apart bc I shampooed the carpets… So BIL is on the couch tonight… I’m already in bed bc I got like 4 hours of sleep last night… So yes I’m going to be a bad hostess and not greet him or anything.. He can let himself in… And I left blankets downstairs for him. Fuck nuts! >:-(
thanks for letting me Bitch, I just HATE how last minute, do t care about how it’s affecting anyone else frame of mind they have!.. Uuirrrggg!!!
Post # 3
That’s beyond not cool! Hubby would be in trouble with me lol!
Post # 4
@graygodess20: Ooooh lady, I feel your pain. FI has been known to pull a stunt or two like this, and I know he doesn’t mean to be a giant pain in my ass, he just doesn’t think as far ahead as I do. It makes. Me. Crazy.
As far as unexpected drop-ins from the in-laws…. *shudder*.
Post # 5
@graygodess20: My FILs loooove to do things last minute and pull crap on us like this!
Oh, we have a wedding we have known about for months and we want to get changed at your place (they had to drive in from their rural home) for it in 30 minutes during business hours when you are both at work.
Oh, we are at a footy game in town that, let’s do dinner/breakfast right now. You mean you have plans already or are at the gym? Don’t you love your mother?
Oh, its 10pm at night we are driving back from holidays and want to spend the night at your house to break up the journey with our 2 children even though you don’t have a spare room at the moment and it’s a weeknight. Arghhh. They are all nice people but in my family we plan ahead and don’t spring this stuff on people!
Post # 6
Didn’t you just have a miscarriage? That’s really insensitive of everyone involved.
Post # 7
I’d be extremely upset if my SO did things like this. I usually keep our apartment as clean as possible, but from time to time it is messier than I would like anyone to see. I don’t like anyone to just drop in even family members, so this would be so annoying to me. Our parents usually give us a day or so in advance to get ready for them coming over, and that’s even when we aren’t going to make them dinner. I woulk talk to your DH about this, and tell him that you need more time to get ready for guests. If he doesn’t listen to your request maybe try inviting someone over last minute when he is the only one home to prepare for their arrival, and see how he feels about that.
Post # 8
@graygodess20: Oh ya this is alllll the time…. I was just told today at 2:50 that we needed to pick his little sister up from school at 3:10.
“Oh and you don’t mind picking her up for the next couple days right,” fiance says at 8:00 pm…………………..Of course not dear.
I don’t understand people like this.
Post # 9
@graygodess20: I feel u but thats the story of MY life! Hahaha. In laws live about an hour away so they are always in town. Never call when they r heading to town, just when they are hre and wanna meet for lunch dinner or a movie. SIL and BIL are always here. Always. But I enjoy the company and adore my in-laws so its not awful. But I always feel bad when we have to tell them we cant meet cause we have plans.
Post # 10
Ohhh yeah, this has gotten DH in trouble a time or two. In fact, just a month or two ago he had a friend from out of town show up and ask to spend the night–the friend hadn’t made plans with ANYONE, just figured he’d find a place to stay once he got there (aka assumed he would stay with us). Well, I had to work that night teaching an online class from home, had to do grad school work, and was in the middle of packing for a trip we were leaving on in two days–so I said NOPE to the friend, and was irritated at DH for making me into the bad guy! Lol, so I totally feel you, girl.
Post # 11
@HannahGrace: no one knows but DH and I.
I forgot got to mention that he was at work last night so he literally told me and was like see ya!!! Urg!!!
i can’t believe people do this! DH def knowa how I feel about it now lol. Why is it sooo hard to be considerate and plan like a day or 2 in advance!? DH said he didn’t tell me bc the offer was originally declined… I told him I don’t give a rats ass if it’s declined or not, I want to know when he offers anything!!!!
Post # 12
@Schatzie821: +1. In the first situation, my husband would be in trouble for not setting boundaries with his family about popping in. If it wasn’t convenient for me, I simply would say so and tell them to schedule a time that was MUTUALLY convenient. I don’t care if you’re “in the area” if I’m busy.
In the second situation, I’d also blame my husband because he can’t offer out our home as a flop house without discussing it with me. I don’t like people staying in my house and it’s only in absolute emergencies or situations with extreme advance notice where I allow it.
OP, I’d have a chat with your husband. It’s not his family’s fault.
Post # 13
UGH, unexpected guests are such a hassle.
I second the others who said this definitely warrants a discussion. He might not be aware of how important it is to you for advance notice, to make sure the house isn’t in shambles, that your schedule is free, etc.
Post # 14
Thank you all. In the end it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be, he let himself in(we left the door unlocked, DH and him literally passed each other in the development) and was gone by 7 am.
I did did speak to DH, that I was more annoyed that he didn’t give me the heads up that it was even offered… So that’s something that’s gonna be worked on.
Post # 15
I have had my brother and various friends crash here at a moments notice and sometimes even a couple of people. So sometimes the spare bedroom AND the couch are occupied. I dont know if it is because I pay the mortgage, most of the immediate needs of the guests are taken care of by me or what, but luckily FH takes it in stride. And of course this is only a few times per year. I do say something like – so and so are stopping over and are probably going to stay the night. would that be a problem for some reason? But my home has always ben open to family and friends, and FH knows that. Maybe your DH grew up with the same open door policy?
Post # 16
@graygodess20: I recently in the most civil way possible reamed my DH out with a similar situation…. he always invites his parents over and tells me at the last min…well…. 1st week of Nov we finally got our wedding pics… 3 weeks later (we were busy) they wanted to come see them so he told me on the friday they were gonna come for dinner on sunday… ok great (well not “great” lol am i right ladies… but you kwo what I mean…48 hours notice)
So long story short we normally get together for dinner around 5…. so sat was busy and I had planned on doing a whole bunch of stuff during the day sunday, cleaning up etc… and Im up and puttering around the house… DH is on the phone and tells me he’s going out for brunch with his buddies (its about 11:00+)….oh and BY THE WAY… my parents are coming at like 2!
WHAT?….WHY???… “oh I dunno i said come early….”ah well that really sucks cause I have shit to do and now your gonna take off?? are you kidding?”
he left……… Im running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and barley get finished and prepped for 2…I text DH and say where the eff are you? and guess what….3pm rolls around….no DH no IL’s….. DH rolls in around 345….and IL’s dont end up coming until 5…. I kept my cool even though my entire day was ruined.
Next day I emailed him and said… darling, I love you but if you ever do that to me again I’m going to be really angry. I was so pissed at you yesterday…and I think we need to implement some house rules for the new place so this doesnt happen again. (we moved in Dec)
a) Im not happy for you leaving and leaving ME to do everything??, b) tell me as your walking out they’re coming in just over 2 hours…c) they didnt even show up, nor were you even home…so I sat and waited, and wasted my entire day. If you want me to host your parents and do the cooking and organizing, I need it to be fair….and this is not fair. You want to invite them over you ask me before inviting them, and if THEY request to come over to our house…..(they talk a lot on the phone)… you say “I’ll double check with shanbp and make sure we have nothing planned and the time works, i’ll let you know”
If these rules arnt followed you will simply be in charge of figuring out dinner/cooking it and all the hosting duties that come with it… and I will also have veto power to say no and you will have to call them back. I think this is only fair. Deal?
he said yes….we’ll see how it works…..we have our first possible incident this weekend. I will update if he fails LOL