Post # 1
My in laws post pictures of husband and me even though we have asked them to ask us before posting. Husband and I are concerned about our careers and safety (husband is military and I’m a federal employee applying to grad school).
Husband just left for another deployment. Not telling his parents he is deploying is not an option for him. Understandable. However, they have posted pictures that we, deem safe and professional, privately texted them. Luckily they didn’t screw up OPSEC this time but I don’t know what else we can do about our wishes?!
We aren’t going to threaten them with no contact because they have gotten better but I’m tired of feeling like our personal life is being whored out for social media likes. I get they are proud but they have public profiles with LOTS of friends that we don’t even know.
The cherry on top? They stay in touch with his ex girlfriend (from five years ago!No kids) both online and off. We have blocked her. I haven’t even met the woman and she did/does some immature stuff to us that we don’t want involved in our lives. I especially dislike that she gets a view into our life which is none of her business because of my inconsiderate in laws.
All this is not a huge life altering deal honestly. I just have no one to vent this irritation to and would appreciate feedback.
Post # 2
#1 what are you doing around your in laws that could jeopardize your careers?
I personally don’t find big issues with people posting pictures of me except I hope to god I don’t look like I have 3 (or 4) chins and like I just dragged myself from under a troll bridge. They want to share their family with friends like most people do.
As for the ex gf. If they are close to her so be it. Who cares if she has a peek into your life? She isn’t involved in your life. You’ve never met her. She can sit there and be jealous (if she even is) it has zero impact on you. She obviously still has a relationship with his family so be it. Sometimes when our family are with someone for a long period of time they become our family. Seperation or divorce or whatever doesn’t have to extend to everyone, just the couple. My ex still goes to see my mother and fixes thing in her home and I have his sister and aunt and his ex sisterbin law on my fb and I’ve attended their thanksgiving when he wasn’t going..lol. just because we didn’t get along doesn’t mean we have to cut every relationship we made who is connected to the person.
Post # 3
lentilsoup : FI and I do not allow public sharing of our pictures for work reasons. If they can’t abide by your rules, don’t text them anymore pictures and restrict what they can see on your FB pages.
As for his ex, that is a choice they are making. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly with exes unless they did something hideous like abuse, but that doesn’t mean you are comfortable with it. So again, their choice impacts your willingness to share with them.
there’s a theme here: Limit their access.
Post # 4
Yeah. I guess I was wondering what top secret things the IL’s are sharing? Personally, I think the best thing is to have your personal life match your professional life. Don’t do things that would negatively impact your career & then you won’t have to worry. And if things are truly covert ops level, why are you sharing that with anyone? – My brother works for a federal contractor & works in Afghanistan- I have no idea what he does or where, precisely, he goes. He’s pretty open about posting when he’s leaving & coming back from work gigs, though. Posts pictures from Dubai, etc. It’s not that cloak & dagger. He’s former military.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Tell them that because they have repeatedly ignored your request to ask before posting pictures of you, they won’t be receiving pictures any more. No need to go no contact, just stop sending them pictures. I’d be prepared for them to share each and every picture you put on social media yourselves though.
Post # 6
lentilsoup : Different people have different views about privacy. I don’t think people need a “reason” to protect their privacy. It is not acceptable to share other people’s photos without their consent. As a PP said, don’t share any photos with your inlaws. If they post any that they have taken themselves, you are within your rights to post them a request to remove them.
Post # 7
That sucks that they ignore your request and post anyway. I’m also a federal employee and yes, we do gets lots of trainings on this lol, although thankfully I’m not a high security person, so we’re only told to be cautious and not restricted from anything specific.
In any case, I agree with pps, don’t text them pics anymore, it sucks, but sometimes you have to take the tough love approach. Maybe if they can show they can resist the urge to post about you all for 6 months, you can let them back in on a trial run. If they violate your trust again, permanent ban.
Post # 9
missjabbee : 1. Inlaws live out of state. We don’t see them often. They have previously broken opsec big time which got them a tongue lashing from husband. We don’t send them pics, (aside from this one time as a goodwill gesture from us after a year of no photos because of their idiot opsec breaking posting). They post pics of us when we are visiting, not always flattering, but that’s not the point. They have been told we value control over what we want of ourselves online.
jannigirl : I don’t understand your assumption? We don’t post top secret covert stuff. My personal life does match my professional life and I try very hard to remain private and career eligible online. We don’t mind if people post about us as long as they give us a heads up.
As for the ex gf, we can’t control who they friend. But when you have dealt with a legitimate stalker and petty vandalism, it makes you question why the in laws choose to entertain her in their lives. Makes me feel violated that someone who did such things to us has even a sliver of access into our lives.
Post # 10
KiwiDerbyBride : Yeah, that’s why we made sure to send an innocuous (and flattering lol) photo. It was a good will gesture (after they had received no fb fuel from us in about a year). I’m done though. They obviously can’t be trusted to respect our wishes.
Another poster said we should limit access. I’m all for it but my husband sees that as mean. So even if I do it, anything my husband posts on his private profile will most likely end up reposted on their public one. While he doesn’t post scandelous things, it’s frustrating that I’m even giving energy towards this subject.
Post # 11
claroquesi : Agreed 100%. The only reason I even keep my inlaws on my social media is so that I can keep tabs on what they post about us. Since they never bother to ask beforehand.
Post # 12
anabolina : Agreed. This recent photo we sent was our “trial run”. We have asked them not to allude to the deployment at all on social media (because of last time) and the fact I’m alone in a new place. Do I think anyone is going to abduct me or something? no. I’m not that special. Just being cautious.
Post # 13
lentilsoup : “The only reason I even keep my inlaws on my social media is so that I can keep tabs on what they post about us.”
You can change the settings on your posts so that certain “friends” can’t see them. If it’s only a couple of people (just his mom and dad) that are the issue, I recommend setting this up so they don’t see what you post. Do you think your husband would be willing to do that?
Post # 14
lentilsoup : I had to follow OPSEC with my last job. I never posted where I worked, pictures of any logos or photos of me wearing any logos or uniforms.
stick to this rule and you will be fine on social media.
Post # 15
jannigirl : OPSEC doesn’t require one to not say when and where one goes, but for less espionage risk it is best to not say anything. The risk is being in a foreign country and someone targeting you to find information. I never advertised where I worked, nor what I did. When I traveled I said I was an admin. I never said that I was an admin in the ballistics field. Does that make sense?