Post # 1
So I think that I have a great relationship with my soon to be in laws … But I have to admit that I am a little hurt by their ‘plan’ for our wedding day. A little background – we are hosting a wedding weekend at a private inn…. They have contributed tens of thousands of dollars to help us host this (my parents paid about 55% they paid about 40% and we threw in the last 5%) we have a full weekend planned including family photos at 2pm prior to our 4pm wedding.
i find out when speaking to my fsil last night about hair appointments that they are planning on going on a multiple hour sightseeing trip the morning of the wedding so now she isn’t sure she can make the hair appointment at 11am. Now I know this sounds sort of normal if this was a destination wedding but they live only 45-60 min away for past 63 years (And there are no guests flying in etc they are all local to the area) I don’t understand why the morning of the wedding it’s imperative to go this tour. Even more confusing is when his sister got w married last year the father rented a hotel suite so the groom (not his son) would have a place to hang before the wedding and the guys (including my ffil) could all hang prewedding (since the girls would be at the house getting ready)
i know I am starting to go crazy so I won’t be offended if you tell me I am nuts but what do you ladies think? Is this really odd? Kind of a huge snub? Who is my groom going to hang with all morning… It’s already an sort of sensitive subject because I have a huge family 75% of guest list and I have 2 tables of friend and 1 mutual compared to his one table.
My guy would never say something but should I? (Nicely of course along the line of I think FH would really use the moral support that morning and maybe you could do the sightseeing tour another day?) also for the record more often than not since the engagement I am the one who talks to his parents so its not really odd for me to call them?
Post # 3
Yeah it’s kind of odd, but I think as long as they are on time for the pictures and not looking like they just went on an all day hike then I wouldn’t say anything. Just make sure they know exactly when and where the pictures are and that you won’t wait for them. Sorry you’re having to deal with this!
Post # 4
ThankYou.. trying.to keep emotions in check this week
Post # 5
If they would take a call from you saying you are concerned your FH won’t have them there with him that morning, and that you know he would appreciate having them there with him pre-wedding, I say do it. I know my FH’s family is excited for our wedding, but they are sometimes wierdly distant about it. I’ve figured out its that they don’t want to step on my toes. With his sister’s wedding its different since traditionally the woman’s family plans and hosts. So just telling them how much their involvement would mean to your FH may do the trick, as long as they will take it as you mean it.
Post # 6
Do you have a schedule for the day? If not, work one out. If what they’re doing doesn’t conflict with what they should be doing in the schedule, get over it. As soon as you can, discuss the schedule with them (or better yet, have FI do it) and give it to them in hard copy/by email so they have it and know when they’ll need to be doing what. Any free time they have is not really your concern- so don’t sweat it.
Post # 7
@Feist: Ahhh, same here. I always felt like MIL was distant/not excited about our wedding, but it was because a) she gets like that sometimes, and b) she didn’t want to step on any toes. Not that I wanted opinions anyway (except on flowers), but enthusiasm would have been nice. I agree that OP should call them and let them know that FH really would like them there–or have him call and say, “Why are you going on a multi-hour trip the morning of my wedding? I really wanted you there with me.”
Post # 8
It’s a bit odd, but I would seriously just let this one go. If your FI wants to say something, let him. But do not intervene on his behalf. It sounds like they just want to do something nearby given that they’re “already there” and have spent “tens of thousands of dollars” on the wedding. It could be that the unblance of invitations might have exacerbated this. Could be that they realized it takes men like 4 minutes to get ready for a wedding after showering so they feel like 1-2 hours of hang out time is plenty and they don’t need 6 hours or would be impeding your FI from getting his wedding morning tasks done. Who knows, in the end it doesn’t really matter *why* they’ve decided to do it – they have.
As long as they’re ready by 2pm then I think it’s ok. 11:00 is pretty early for a 2:00 pm start time. I mean, I can spend A LOT of time getting ready and even if I did my own hair I’d be done way before then, particularly if I was already showered and blow dried prior to 11.
Also, you will be so busy that day you will not notice at all where they are.
Good luck! You’re so close! It will be here before you know it!
Post # 9
we do have a schedule…specifically 11 -1 my fh is going to be ‘hosting’ a whiffle ball game on the lawn …. i guess i just assumed him parents, brother (who is in wedding), bil etc Would be Part of this?
the difficulty w getting ready comes bc sil wants her hair done but doesnt want to get it done till after 1pm which is my ‘appointment’ time….i really dont want a big chaotic mess in the bridal.suite when the photo/video show up
i just threw in a little comment at end of email w sil saying oh that stinks you will miss all of the activities that morning! (And for the record we have agenda both includef in invites and on website)