In laws are driving me crazy! Am I over reacting? *LONG POST*

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do about the engagement party?!
    You have compromised enough, stick to your guns on this : (17 votes)
    38 %
    Don't have an engagement party at all - easy! : (25 votes)
    56 %
    Suck it up princess and just have the party at a later date that suits everyone : (0 votes)
    Other - please explain in comments : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    42538 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Keep the July 25 wedding date. You simply cannot plan your wedding around everyone else’s schedule. It is impossible. If FI’s uncle knows when your wedding is, he can plan his travel around that date. He has a year’s notice.

    An engagement party is not a necessity. Either keep the August 23 date  or consider not having one.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I agree with your SIL that she shouldn’t leave a wedding early for your engagement party: a wedding trumps an engagement party, and being a 2nd wedding doesn’t make it any less important. But, I don’t think you should move the party for it if no other dates work. Just have it on August 23rd without them. 

    Oh wait… YOU guys are expected to drop $5k to pay for a party you don’t want? Better not to have one. If I was in your situation, I’d tell my fiance that if HE wants an engagement party so badly then HE can organise it and deal with his family. I’d tell him, “You organise the engagement party – just tell me the date and I’ll be there – I’ll organise the wedding”.

    As for the wedding – who cares if not every aunt and uncle can’t come. Have it when it works for you. Is your FMIL paying? If no, then she gets no say.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    MsPups:  One of my brothers and FI’s sister could not make it to our engagement party due to other plans. We were disappointed, but in the end it’s not really a big deal. We didn’t want an engagement party either! But my grandma insisted on throwing us one. 

    So, I would say to not change the date for the wedding OR the engagement party. Like PP said, it’s impossible to plan a day around everyone’s schedule. Unless your FI’s family is paying for the wedding (since you said they’re not paying for the engagement party), I would tell your FMIL “we’ve tried to be as accommadating as possible, unfortunately this is the only date that works for the venue and for us.”

    Post # 6
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I agree with julies1949 – keep everything as is.  You can’t please everyone.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5228 posts
    Bee Keeper

    MsPups:  5-6 K on a party you don’t want? Uhm, no way. I think you should be firm with the future in laws about that. If people want to celebrate, have a couple informal backyard BBQs that different people can attend to come congratulate you if they want to. If you do go with the formal party, I don’t think you should expect someone to miss a wedding reception for it.

    I also agree with PP, book the date you want. You can’t keep changing the date you want for everyone.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    MsPups:  Keep the wedding date as is (your FI’s uncle has a year to sort out his travel dates around the wedding if he wants too. I’m sure nothing is set in stone yet because flights would not even released yet for a year out.) but as for the engagement party I would just ditch it. 5-6k when you don’t even really want to have one and it’s causing drama is not worth it. DH and I didn’t have one and we didn’t miss it. Put that money towards a kick-ass honeymoon or your wedding. As for your SIL no she should not be expected to leave a wedding early – particularly as they had first notice of the wedding. Our wedding was DH’s second – should guests have felt justified in leaving early to attend some other shindig because of that? Rude.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1244 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    MsPups:  Definitely don’t change your wedding date again. If someone can’t make it, that’s ok. Life will go on.

    Same goes for the engagement party. Yes, it’s unreasonable to expect BIL & SIL to leave another wedding early to attend your party. It’s not crucial that they be there. If they aren’t able to make the party on August 23rd, tell them you’ll miss them at the engagement party and that’s it. It shouldn’t be a big deal that some people can’t make either event.

    Post # 10
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Keeping both dates.  If BIL and SIL can’t be there, so be it.  Yes a wedding (even a second marriage) trumps an engagement party.  I went through a similar issue in choosing my wedding date – lesson learned, the more you try to please everyone, the more drama there is.  Don’t ask for input, just book it. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Wow , if it were me: no engagement party and the wedding on the date of my choice! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    MsPups:  Keep whatever date you want. You will not be able to plan around everyone. I promise.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2364 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    MsPups:  You HAVE TO do what’s best for you and your fiance.  PERIOD.  You need to set ground rules now b/c they will only make the planning process worse for you if you give in!!  

    Post # 14
    Member
    730 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I suggest you stick with the July wedding date.  Also suggest you nix the engagement party.  You will have been engaged a long time by then, it’s not really a new thing, and I also don’t really get the point of engagement parties…it just seems like one more expensive event that people have to attend.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2179 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    Keep your wedding date, you can’t please everyone and you can’t work around MIL’s family’s schedule either, that’s insane.

    As far as the engagement party, keep the August date or just tell your FI no. Having an engagement party at the end of the year when your wedding would be 6 months later is not only a waste of money but a big stress on you with all the planning!

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