Post # 1
I am having a difficult time deciding if I should invite my in laws to my bridal shower. My Fiance is not close to his family at all and never really has been. His mother also has a strained relationship with the extended family and has expressed jealousy over he and I spending more time with mine or how close we all are. I of course am inviting my Future Mother-In-Law and his Grandmother but am not sure if I should invite his Female Cousins. I have met them only a couple times and would not consider us close by any means, he is not even close to them. His mother though, and I have posted of her strange way of thinking before, will look at it one of two ways. If I dont invite them she will complain about his family not being included as much as mine, but on the other hand if I do, I’m worried she will say that it is an attempt to get gifts, which it is not. She has express mltiple times how weddings are all about money (ours included) and how we are taking this “way too seriously and it shouldn’t be a big event”. But she is also always looking at the two families as competition as well. Should I invite them? Which is the lesser of two evils?
Post # 3
I’d say invite them… they might not even show up if they feel like they don’t know you that well, but at least it’s on them. You could even head off your Future Mother-In-Law by telling her and other family members that you invited them and you’re so excited that you can use the wedding as a conduit for getting to know them better! You really hope they’ll come so that you can spend a little time with them in a smaller setting!! Then if she chooses to talk smack, it’s on her because other people have heard your reasons already- she’ll just sound whiny and bitter. Hopefully, though, she’ll have nothing nasty to say and you truly will be able to connect more with his family!
Post # 4
If they are not long distance, I think you should definitely invite them.
Post # 6
Thank you for the advice Ladies! I would like to add that the reason this is even a question is because one of where the cousins live. We moved to another state a few years ago and at the time he did not have any family here. Well, within the past year, two of his cousins moved to the same city as us, one lives literally one street over from where the shower is being held. This is why I’m torn. If they didnt live here it probably wouldn’t be considered, but she will be close enough to see and hear the party. I think it would just be a slap in the face not to invite her, and then also invite her sisters.
Post # 7
I think you’re kind of obligated to invite them. They might have family drama, but the best way to stay out of it is to act like you’re oblivious.
Post # 8
Lol, screw what other people think… (including your FMIL)
The right thing to do here… Etiquette wise is to invite them.
Honestly, Etiquette is important when planning a wedding because it sets you up in good stead for your social life in the future… WHY should you stand by your Inlaws realtionship with these Ladies… the future is yours and your “married life” and the Friends & Family Members that YOU CHOOSE to bring into it.
Who knows you may even become “the darling couple” that all the relatives want to socialize with.
Post # 9
If the problem is really only about how the Mother-In-Law will react to your decision, what about having her make the decision of whether or not to invite them? Then she can’t throw it in your face.
Post # 10
@This Time Round: Hahaha thank you for this! Honestly, I made this post hoping someone would say exactly this! I will invite them and let all of the FMIL’s negative thoughts just brew inside of her own head. I really appreciate the realistic help on this board. Thanks Ladies! I posted this on the Knot (it will be my last post on that board) and got a bunch of snarky remarks regarding being involved with my own guest list and how I shouldn’t invite them.
Post # 11
I think it would be a nice way to sort of “bring the family together”! I say do it, and like the other posts said, be totally oblivious to the drama 🙂
Post # 12
I’m not inviting Fi cousins. I’m inviting his mon, SIL, and aunts. The rest of the shower guest list will be my friends and close relatives. I believe that bridal showers are best when small, intimate and comprised of people close to the bride. I don’t know his extended family and would feel uncomfortable/gift grabby by inviting them.