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So sounds to me like usually in your culture there is some sort of 'bride price' paid and not only is that not there, you don't feel they are chipping in enough for a lavish wedding? Am I right?
Yeah, it is something along the line of "bride price," but I am definitely not counting on that. Our wedding is only for 25 people so it is by no means lavish, but $2,000 would be remotely close to helping out with the wedding expense. The other major issue is that they are not coming to their own son's wedding when they can afford the trip....
Hm, I have a few thoughts:
-Before you decided on the wedding in Greece did you talk to both sets of parents about budget? Did your in-laws always say that their contribution would be $2G? If so, then you should thank them and leave it alone. If they changed their minds and are changing the $, that could be a little more challenging. If that's the case, I'd have your FI discuss with them.
-Having a DW anywhere is expensive for the guests - but especially in Greece. Flights are much more expensive to Europe compared to say, Mexico. I think you will find a lot of push-back from guests b/c it will be very expensive for them to attend your wedding. Thousands of dollars.
-When your FMIL goes on trips, does she visit family and stay in free lodging?
-Also, your FFIL's salary (of $48,000 to support a family and try to save for retirement) doesn't leave much room for other expenses.
Have you planned most of your wedding already? Deposits down?
I agree with the ladies above. A destination wedding in Greece? Are your family and friends all independently wealthy? There is no way that trip will cost less than $3,000 per person.
Aside from that, it really isn't your place to be asking your future in laws for wedding money. If they are to give anything or if there is to be any discussion, it should be FI that has it. You also should not show how upset you are about how little they are spending since it will come off as extremely ungrateful.
I think you and your FI need to really sit down and determine (literally make a list) of what is most important to the two of you in terms of your wedding and start planning based on that.
In addition to the questions above, I will say that I'd be careful to make any sort of assumptions about ANYONE else's financial state. You honestly have no idea of what most people have credit vs asset, gross income vs net, etc. Making this type of comment about them lying to you regarding their life savings smacks of entitlement and a lack of respect.
And if they are telling you $2,000 is their life savings - and they are offering you all of that money? Ouch. That is more than generous of them to begin with.
I really don't have much advice other than be happy they offered you any money at all. I know its what your culture does, but apparently they don't agree with paying up that kind of money. My Mother in law is a raging bitch and asked why we were doing a wedding at all and that she would not be helping with anything....
@piratejenn - sounds like you come from the "it could be worse!" clan! ;)
We are half way into planning the wedding. We realize it is expensive for our guests so we will be paying for accomodation for our guests in Greece and at the month we are having our wedding, a round trip ticket is $1,000, which is equivalent to what my FMIL's round trip ticket for her annual vacation. That's all they need to attend our wedding....
We spoke to them before about having our wedding in Greece. At the time, they did not express any objections....
I agree with the previous posters. I suggest you set up a budget that both you and your FI can handle on your own, and if you receive funds from either parents, then great, you can apply that to your wedding or not.
So @lilybunny - is your issue their lack and financial contribution or their telling you they cannot attend due to the cost?
lol oh yes, i do! I have an insane monster in law, and a 3k budget, and not a whole lot of people who are being helpful, so i'm pretty damn thankful for what i have (not to say that lilybunny is not thankful, so don't take that the wrong way!), and i sure as hell don't turn down any free money, lol, cause it sure doesn't come my way very often. That and nowadays, tradition is out the window it feels like.
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Hey, everyone, I have been struggling with some major in-law issue for a week now, trying to make peace with it but it does not look like I have come around yet.
Basically, both my fiance and I come from a culture where the groom's family would give money to the bride's family at the time of the marriage (usually in the ballpark of $0000s.) and take care of the wedding expense. my fiance and I decided to have our wedding in Greece (a dream we had for many years.) We felt it is unfair to ask his family to pay up for the wedding just because we want to have a fancy destination wedding but would like to ask them for help to chip in for whatever they can afford. When my fiance approached them, they offered us $2,000 altogether for the wedding and for my family, which to me was very insulting. They also lied to us that their lifetime saving is $2,000 which is a giant lie considering that this is my future father-in-law's 2 weeks of salary.
Also, they just informed us that they are not coming to the wedding because it is expensive. Keep in mind that my mother in law takes 3 months vacation in far away places every year. I think it is really a lame excuse.
I have cried over this issue for many times. I just can't seem to continue my planning with those things bothering me. What can I do?