(Closed) In-laws Drama

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

So sounds to me like usually in your culture there is some sort of ‘bride price’ paid and not only is that not there, you don’t feel they are chipping in enough for a lavish wedding?  Am I right?

Post # 5
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hm, I have a few thoughts:

-Before you decided on the wedding in Greece did you talk to both sets of parents about budget? Did your in-laws always say that their contribution would be $2G? If so, then you should thank them and leave it alone. If they changed their minds and are changing the $, that could be a little more challenging. If that’s the case, I’d have your FI discuss with them.

-Having a DW anywhere is expensive for the guests – but especially in Greece. Flights are much more expensive to Europe compared to say, Mexico. I think you will find a lot of push-back from guests b/c it will be very expensive for them to attend your wedding. Thousands of dollars.

-When your FMIL goes on trips, does she visit family and stay in free lodging?

-Also, your FFIL’s salary (of $48,000 to support a family and try to save for retirement) doesn’t leave much room for other expenses.

Have you planned most of your wedding already? Deposits down?

Post # 6
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the ladies above.  A destination wedding in Greece?  Are your family and friends all independently wealthy?  There is no way that trip will cost less than $3,000 per person. 

Aside from that, it really isn’t your place to be asking your future in laws for wedding money.  If they are to give anything or if there is to be any discussion, it should be FI that has it.  You also should not show how upset you are about how little they are spending since it will come off as extremely ungrateful. 

I think you and your FI need to really sit down and determine (literally make a list) of what is most important to the two of you in terms of your wedding and start planning based on that.

Post # 7
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

In addition to the questions above, I will say that I’d be careful to make any sort of assumptions about ANYONE else’s financial state.  You honestly have no idea of what most people have credit vs asset, gross income vs net, etc.  Making this type of comment about them lying to you regarding their life savings smacks of entitlement and a lack of respect.

And if they are telling you $2,000 is their life savings – and they are offering you all of that money?  Ouch.  That is more than generous of them to begin with.

Post # 8
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really don’t have much advice other than be happy they offered you any money at all. I know its what your culture does, but apparently they don’t agree with paying up that kind of money. My Mother in law is a raging bitch and asked why we were doing a wedding at all and that she would not be helping with anything….

Post # 9
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

@piratejenn – sounds like you come from the “it could be worse!” clan! 😉

Post # 11
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with the previous posters. I suggest you set up a budget that both you and your FI can handle on your own, and if you receive funds from either parents, then great, you can apply that to your wedding or not.

Post # 12
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

So @lilybunny – is your issue their lack and financial contribution or their telling you they cannot attend due to the cost?

Post # 13
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

lol oh yes, i do! I have an insane monster in law, and a 3k budget, and not a whole lot of people who are being helpful, so i’m pretty damn thankful for what i have (not to say that lilybunny is not thankful, so don’t take that the wrong way!), and i sure as hell don’t turn down any free money, lol, cause it sure doesn’t come my way very often. That and nowadays, tradition is out the window it feels like.

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