Weddingbee boards

Hi Ladies- Its been a while since I've been on WB, and how I've missed it so! We just celebrated our 6 month anniversary and now my IL's are visiting. Umm, for 3 weeks. Yes, thats right- 3 weeks, in my house, under my roof, eating my food for 3 weeks. Im freaking out.

I was freaking out from the beginning, but now Im freaking out even more. They are visiting from a country half way around the world- and lets just say, their day to day living is MUCH different than ours. Primarily with food. Ill preface this by saying I have celiac disease, so a lot of food is just plain poison to me- the fact that they dont get that at all makes me a prisoner in my own home. Apparently, "When in Rome..." doesnt apply to them.

It all started yesterday morning- besides coming down to make breakfast and being kicked out of my own kitchen by my ILs and not being able to eat a proper meal until noon (sigh), I announced that I would love to make a meal for them for dinner.

I work from home, so I have the luxury of putting things together throughout the work day. All in all, it took me about 2 hours prep and 2 hours cooking time to make them a traditional North American meal. They left about 11am to take a walk- dinner was on the table and smelling delish at 6:30pm. Guess what? My ILs NEVER SHOWED. Ummm yeah, thats right- MIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was insulted, appalled, offended, pissed and practically in tears. They finally waltzed in about 7:15- went right upstairs, showered and TOOK A NAP. Never once acknowledged I made dinner for them. My DH went up to get them and tell them I made dinner for them. 30 min later, they come down- never touched the one dish I made (which is one of my family fav's- ouch!) got spicy sauces gallore and drowned my meal in all sorts of grossness. They never once said thank you or anything. Oh yeah, and they reheated the take-out in the fridge.

SO, seriously- WTF. Its one thing to come to our home (without an invitiation, might I add) for three weeks- but then to insult me in my own home like that!?!?!?! I would NEVER dream of doing that to anyone....

I called my mom and whispered to her what went on.. I just wish I had her patience and her ability to not care what others think and do- at least shes there to whisper back in my ear that she appreciates me and would never insult me or my hubby that way. I love my parents!! My ILs on the otherhand... well, that's going to take some time........

SO, seriously- WTF. Its one thing to come to our home (without an invitiation, might I add) for three weeks-

While your IL's sound rude, where is your DH in all of this?  He needs to step it up.  Just consider this a lesson learned and limit your visits or if they want to stay this long, they need to get a room. 

I understand where you come from with having limited food options for yourself and no one understanding.  I think what would be best is to do your own thing and let the IL's do their own thing.  As for kicking you out of your own kitchen, take a stand.  Better yet, get your DH to take a stand, which is where all this lies.

@Pendola- RIGHT!?!?!? They just dont understand. My ILs have a maid at their house so they dont get the allergy and kitchen issue. I've tried explaining it- my hubby has tried explaining it, and still- they just insist on cooking their own meals at their own times. Ri-damn-diculous. I had to rearrange my whole kitchen- took me 2 days just to make them a "gluten-free space" and what do they do the second they get here? Buy oatmeal, white bread and croissant!!!!!!

@stlginkgo- they did know what time dinner was, but when they got home they said "Oh, we dont usually eat until 8 or 8:30. Never once apologized. See, my ILs are diplomats- moved around a lot and always had people waiting on them hand and foot. My hubby hasnt lived with them since before college and doesnt quite know how to get the point across. Thank goodness he's tried, but still- its not working.

I've made it clear that one week is all they will be allowed to stay in our home from this day forward- and it will be on OUR terms, not theirs.

The way to get the point across about meal time is to go ahead and eat at 7 pm with or without them. 

I agree about the meal time- the only thing is, they will be in my kitchen cooking all their gluten containing food and cross contaminating all of my utensils and cookware! Its a real sticky subject... sorry, Im a bit bitter about it too.

@troubled- You'd thing eating dinner with presidents of all different countries would provide them with some sort of etiquette training- but apparently in the one year they've been retired, they've forgotten all of that! Grrrr.

@June- Thats toooo funny!!! I wish I could! My whole point here is they are in MY house- so, MY rules- Im hoping at the end of their three week stay they'll get this once and for all.

Thank goodness we're spending the weekends with my family- I need a break from it all!

Oh, they just walked in the door- and I forgot another crucial thing- they speak a different language. ALWAYS. They rarely speak English around me... UGH!!!!!!! And, they are fluent in English to make it all the worse.

MightySapphire- I soooo wish I could- I'll bring this up to my husband. See, last summer, they were here for a month- but we werent married yet, so it wasnt "my" kitchen. They bought and made food here as if it was there own. I dont want to deny them of their own food, the nice person in me at least. But, on the flip side- I CONSTANTLY go with out being able to eat food- like, last weekend we were in Montreal and I had to sit at restaurants with them while they ate food when there was NOTHING on the menu that I could eat. Hmmmm- you've got me thinking! And, its a great idea- Ill have to see how it flies with the hubs.

Troubled- Ugh is right! There is no hope of me learning their language- Rosetta Stone doesnt do Singhalese for Dummies! Its such a hard language, but they insist and it so sucks. Id rather them say in English "Dad, you have a booger in your nose" and laugh than think they're talking smack about me or someone else.

UGHHHHHH. Im sooooo frustrated! I was just getting ready (we're going to their cousin's for dinner tonight) and "dad" just knocked on the door when I was in my underwear- come the F on! If the door is closed, leave us alone!!!!!!!!!!!

Bees, what would I do without you all?!?! I love that we can all vent and be completely supportive of one another! Lord knows we cant vent like this to our DHs!!!!

Bakerella- I just may!!!! As long as one of your kitties will give me some love- nothing like a furry friend to put a smile on one's face!!! Oh- I tried Raw Aura and mmmmmmmm! Delish! Great find- thanks for sharing! About sending the ILs to other family members- we were at a cousin's last night, but they already have a guest staying with them for the summer- so they're out of room :-(. I just want them to leave. Grrrrr.

Julies1949- Hahaha!!! This is true! And, when your guests make curry for every meal that peels the wallpaper, that stinks too! You reminded me of a quote I've heard a lot recently by Eleanor Roosevelt, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Although Im not feeling inferior- they are making me very uncomfortable- and I shouldnt be letting them get to me like that!!

Caszos- The kitchen is tricky because in their culture they make everything from scratch- lots of flour and lots of gluten containing ingredients flying everywhere. You know the "poof" of flour that billows from the bag when you open and close it? Well, Im so sensitive- that if I inhale that flour and it ends up in my stomach- Im sick for weeks. So, its not a good thing for me. That flour can also settle on my cooking utensils and pots- so I have to rewash and sterilize everything before I use it. Or, if she has flour on her hands and goes to get a fork, she'll cross contaminate all the silverware and I have to wash it all again. I spent days reorganizing my kitchen so they have a drawer of stuff they can use (tools, pots, etc.) and I reorganized my pantry so there is one gluten free cabinet that they arent allowed in. I guess my main point is, why the hell should I have to do this? They dont do it for me when I visit them- I can never cook my own meals at their place. Why do I have to rearrange my whole life for them to visit for 3 weeks? Especially when gluten is poison to me and it makes me very ill- I shouldnt have to put up with anything when it makes me so sick, ya know?

Oh- one more thing. To make matters even worse, my MIL has a cold. She is sneezing everywhere without covering her mouth or washing her hands afterwards. Shes coughing constantly too. Now this morning I woke up barely able to swallow- so now Im getting it too. The best part about all this? We're supposed to be going to my parent's this weekend- but they take care of my 1 year old niece, so I dont want them to be sick. AND, my parents are hosting a small reception for us next weekend- so we get them sick, they'll be miserable for our party- and then we'll run the risk of getting all my family and friends sick too! UGH!!!!!! I cant win... seriously, what lesson am I supposed to be learning here that Im completely oblivious to at this point?!?!?

@2PeasinaPod- Just the feedback from everyone is helping, I totally need to vent and all of you are great at listening!

I wish I could pack them up and make them leave- forget the hotel, just get the hell out of Canada!!! DH and I talked again this morning, apparently he has tried talking to them again- but it just goes in one ear and out the other. He says theyre so set in their ways that they dont even care. I resent them for coming between hubs and me.

@you dont make friends w salad- I made the most delish roast chicken (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/My-Favorite-Simple-Roast-Chicken-231348) and a veggie casserole with crushed ritz crackers on the top. I was so excited to cook them one of my family meals too...

The casserole wasnt gluten free, unfortunately! Its so hard to prep food for people who dont eat gluten because as hard as you try, you may be cross contaminating without even knowing it. Sometimes I feel bad because people say "I made you a gf ____!"  But I still wont eat it because their kitchen isnt gf. Your best bet would be to take a bowl of cut up fruit or veggie sticks with bison chip dip (if you can get bison where you are) or, tostitos nacho chips and their salsa. If you're taking dessert- a snickers bar always does the trick for me! Just make sure your knives and cutting board are well cleaned and no crumbs of any sort on them if you'll be cutting fruit/veggies.

Hmmm.. ok, now Im getting the silent treatment from my FIL. WTF is up with these people? I cant believe this....

So true, Bamboo! I wish I could give them the boot- but they have a visa to be here, it took months to get, yata yata yata. Every day feels like 48 hours instead of 24- and I still have 2 weeks to go! How am I ever going to get through?!

I have no idea how they would react to having to stay in a hotel!! They are having a reception for us in January in their country, and I just told my DH that I want a hotel when we are there... I dont think I can take "living" with them again.

Im sorry your BIL has 0 manners- it totally sucks. Doesnt everyone know the golden rule? Are there really this many clueless people in our world?

All of you bees are so great! Just reading your messages and seeing that everyone is on "my side" finally makes me feel at ease and that Im not being a major a$$hole to my ILs(outlaws?)

We spent this weekend with my parents- my ILs were so gracious with them and at their house. I've been telling my mom all of the issues I've been having, especially with the food, so she made a big stink about how she prepared things I could eat and went out of her way to make it known she was doing so. I just love my Mom!

It made me really understand something- my ILs see our home as their home, but they realized they're guests at my parents. What they need to realize is that they are guests at my home too. At least the hubs and I agree that we will never, ever do this again. And any time they decide to visit us- it will be on our terms- and that means, we have a gluten free kitchen. Period. (And, thats just one of the many terms we decided on!)

As for the rest of their time here- God has answered one of my prayers- it looks like I have to be back in DC at my office next week!! So, we can cut my ILs trip a week short and head to DC next Monday. Phew! And, my SIL is coming in Thursday- so at least she'll be here to keep my mind off how much everything is bothering me. Plus, my parent's are throwing us a party this weekend, so we'll be back in my hometown this weekend too.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! YAY! Thank you, everyone, for your support!

I agree, troubled. We do have some gf flour ... so Ill need to make it known that that is the only flour allowed in my kitchen!

We're hoping the next time they come to our home we will have moved back to the States (we're in Canada now) so we'll have a completely different place that they didnt contribute their two cents on (they went house hunting with DH when he bought this place before I was in the picture). Hopefully, that will also make them feel like more of a guest in our home too. You know, its funny- before they came here last week, I had visions of renevating our future basement into a small condo for them to stay- well, thats no longer in the picture!!! I do not want to give them a reason to come to our place! Oh man, I sound so mean.