Post # 1
I just need a place to rant I suppose. DD is two and a half weeks old. At one week DHs parents came to visit. His mom wasn’t feeling well that night and by the next morning had a full blown cold and his dad was getting sick. They admitted they “felt off” the morning before they came and then put it on DH and I to tell them to leave instead of them saying yikes we should go so we don’t get you sick. At one point his mom tried to say babies are immune to colds. Wtf. Surprise, a few days later DH gets it and then I get it and finally baby gets it. I’m not going to lie, I’m angry. We had to go to the ped and call several times because we were so worried. These are the same people who thought it was ok to visit me at 7m pregnant only a few days after they stopped vomiting from the super norovirus bug. They kept the fact that they had been sick from us until they were here too Because they knew I’d ask them to postpone.
My family, for all their faults, would cancel coming if they even thought they were catching something. In fact my brothers roommate got shingles and bro called us to make sure it was ok that he still visited. So fast forward to today and his mom emails DH and tries to make me out to be the bad person and is trying to say that she just had allergies and she couldn’t have gotten us sick( for the record she sounded awful the morning she left, it wasn’t allergies especially considering we got sick with the same symptoms). I’m so angry right now. I also don’t think its fair that she puts DH in the middle. If she has a problem she can talk to me directly… But I think they know I don’t put up with their crap so that’s why she went to him. (They’ve made remarks about how Im not afraid to say what I think like its a really negative thing….which is actually laughable because I’m a pretty laid back person).
I think I need space from them right now because the more I see them the stupider of things they do that make me dislike them more. Anyone else delt with in laws that don’t think? How do you deal?
Post # 2
Unless you are a virologist, these is no way you can trace this to your inlaws. Might I add that just two and a half weeks ago, you and your baby were in a hospital, one of the most infectious places on the planet.
That being said, they should have had the common sense to avoid you and the baby until whatever they had had passed for 48 hours. But there is no way you can entirely insulate your baby from germs out there. And you have to trust that your baby and youe breast milk combined are impressively capable of battling millions of germs and viruses.
I think you are overreacting as a new mom. In the meantime, avoid the IL just to keep the peace.
Post # 3
lovemygsp: OMG, I would’ve wanted to strangle them! I can’t even wrap my mind around why they would want to risk the health of their own grandchild. Honestly reading your post made me so angry. I think you and your husband have to discuss some boundaries and put your foot down when it comes to these rules. So sorry you’re having to deal with this. Hope you and your baby are feeling better. *HUGS*
Post # 4
While you can’t protect baby from getting sick, you can certainly ask epopel who don’t have the wherewithall to think of this themselves… to be respectful and not come around when they don’t feel well. There will always be other times. And your DH when he responds to them should tell them that. I totally get it, I’m 8 months pregnant now and spent the winter pregnant, never got the flu shot. I’ve been lucky enough to not have so much as a cold, but I’ve had people hug me and immediately after go “oh i woke up with a fever” or share dipping sauce with me and then admit they have something shitty like bronchitis. I just want to smack them!
Post # 5
Kids get sick, it happens. With that being said, I wouldn’t hold a baby or anything if I knew I was sick. I might still go visit if I felt ok and still had a few symptoms, but wouldn’t touch the baby.
Post # 6
People like that are awful. I don’t blame you for being angry at all. Unlike an earlier commenter, I don’t doubt that they made your family sick.
I also don’t think that you’re overreacting. It’s one thing for your child to get sick, but when someone knows they’re coming down with something or are sick, doesn’t mention it, puts themself around your newborn, and then blames you for what happened and lies, anger is an appropriate feeling, especially if this is the second time they’ve done something like this. That kind of behavior isn’t acceptable when dealing with the average person, much less pregnant women and newborns.
I would need some space, too.
Post # 7
I’d be just as livid if I were you. I’ve cancelled plans before because I was afraid of getting a newborn sick. I even had to put off meeting my nephew when he was first born because I had a cold. We’re due with our first soon and I hope people extend us that same courtesy. I understand your in laws were excited to see their grandchild, but that’s no excuse.
Post # 8
Yeah, if the baby was 6 months old, I’d say “it happens, kids get sick.” A 2.5 week old? Your in-laws should have stayed away and I’d be pissed, too.
I’m so sorry your little one is sick. My little guy had RSV at 3 months and it was really scary. Here is hoping all of you recover quickly.
Post # 9
I’d be pissed. 2 and a half weeks is so young! I’m sorry you’re going through this, even if it’s “just” a cold.
Post # 10
DH and I are undergoing fertility treatments so we don’t have a baby yet. However, people who are selfish enough to risk my newborn’s health because they want to visit and see the baaaaabbyyyy would not be seeing them again till after their birthday. What selfish pricks.
Post # 11
IRL I’m pretty chill. 13 days ago I may have thought you were over reacting…but now I have a 12 day old and if this happened to me I would be pissed. I think it’s easy for others to say you’re over reacting if they have forgotten what having a newborn is like.
Post # 12
I do not think you are over reacting at all. It is completely selfish to go visit a newborn baby when you are sick. She should have thought about not only the baby, but you also. How are you supposed to recover from a cold when you are already sleep deprived? My stepmom waited a week and a half to meet her first grandaughter because she had a sinus infection. She wanted to finish her antibiotics before she came near either one of us.
Post # 13
Yeah I think anyone that says your overreacting hasn’t had or doesn’t remember the newborn days! Babies under 3 months of age getting sick is really serious, and everyone should be careful about that!
I had some boundary issues with my ILs after the baby was born – like in the first month or so. With my MIL it was more just different parenting ideas, some of which were bad for the baby (like she was always trying to give her water), most of which were just irritating. Now that she isn’t so new and what she does with the baby is irritating but not harmful, my relationship with my MIL recovered. My FIL, however, came over when the baby was really new and would snatch her out of my arms and not give her back when she would scream with hunger and would refer to me as “the milk” and so forth – I still just really don’t like him and how he is with the baby as a result. So, take some time and wait and see how you feel in the future, but you’re totally right to be upset!
Post # 14
I want to know what DH said to his parents. Please tell me he had your back on this and didn’t play the middle of the road.
I have been a new mom a few times and a Nana too. If I had a cold or thought something was coming on I would not have visited, or I would have brought a mask with me at a minimum. You are going to learn that that precious little darling that you are so enamoured with is going to become a huge cesspool of germs and yucky stuff as soon as she goes to daycare or school. I seriously don’t know how teachers live through the experience because kids are like little bionuclear weapons and spread that crap everywhere. You don’t need your in-laws helping too.
I would hope DH spoke to his parents about being more careful in the future. Not just for baby but you guys too. You take enough time off work for sick kids but if people carelessly come around knowing they have something going on you will be taking sick days for yourself too.
I am sure their intent was not to make you all ill and they were most likely very excited about their new granddaughter. At the same time, you need to put your Nana pants on and make sure you don’t make anyone sick!
Post # 15
Im not a mom yet but were TTC …and that would piss me off so badly I wouldnt be allowing them to come over for a long time after! (My IL’s can be pushy so Im concerned about this) Pregnant women are 20x more susceptible to illness and new babies dont have the imunizations yet!! Yes when your in a hospital people are sick but they are also not passing your baby around to sick strangers….. you, your partner, and the staff who Im hoping are using sanitizers etc are handling the baby. Anyone visiting you specifically is going to be the biggest risk because they are pawing and kissing the baby.
I think I will be asking my DH to find out how his family is feeling the whole week leading up to my kids birth so I have an idea of whether or not I want them coming right away lol. I’ll have a code word with the nurse if I have to so she can tell them to GTFO if I see one sniffle or cough thats not normal sounding.
There’s actually been an announcement this week my province has an official outbreak of measles and its scary…. some kids/babies have been dangerously sick and I think have almost died (possible have Im not sure)…. they have lowered the min age to get the vaccine and theres emergency immunization stations set up all over the city. Its scary!