(Closed) In-laws invited people to the reception without telling us!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would be furious. I’m sorry that I have no real advice for you, especially since your husband isn’t backing you up.

Post # 4
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you found what you can afford why would your husband try to overspend?

Post # 5
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Im confused, when is your wedding? Have you not changed it, because is saids Dec 2012!

Post # 7
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That is so rude of them.Make it clear that you have a limited guest list due to the space constraints and budget.Maybe they can host another reception if it is that important to them.

Post # 9
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would say something. The fact that you guys are paying for it yourselves and are on a limited budget means you get to call the shots. Either you or your hubby needs to say something. They need to un-invite those people. Suggest to them that they possibly doing something at their house like a BBQ and drinks for those they would like to celebrate with.

Post # 11
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i would be furious. it’s not their place to invite people. i know it might be awkward but you really need to put your foot down. maybe tell your husband bluntly that he needs to tell his parents what they did was not ok and those people need to be uninvited. if he won’t, you might have to get stern with them.

 

Post # 12
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ellie4456:  Oh, sorry I was confused. So it’s techincally not a reception. Your reception is followed after your ceremony, anything else is just a congratulations party.

That being said, that is completely horrible that they invited more people, and considering they didn’t get an actual invite, they shouldn’t come. You need to have your fi put his foot down!

Post # 13
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You need to tell them they need to contact those people and tell them they can’t come to the reception.  They had no right to invite those people in the first place, so they need to make it right for you.  It won’t be good enough for them to offer to pay for the difference because of the space issue.  

If they get embarrassed in having to dis-invite people, that’s too bad.  They shouldn’t have done what they did.  

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would explain it to your husband exactly as you’ve explained it to us here:

You’re paying for the entire party.

You can only afford 30 guests.

The party is being held in a location that has limited space.

You’ve already let the caterer know how many people will be coming — there will only be enough food (and you can only afford enough food, and there will only be enough space for) for the 30 people you sent invitations to.

And beyond all this, it is incredibly rude for your in-laws to take it upon themselves to invite people to a party that they aren’t paying for.

Post # 15
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

are the people even coming?

Post # 16
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@ellie4456:  First you need to have your hubby back you on this. He needs to get on board with you. I don’t know what you could say to him, but that’s the first step. I would just tell them NO. The head count is already in, and we are on a limited budget. Then suggest them throw a little get together.  If you come off as a biotch, then so be it. I wouldn’t care. It’s your reception and you and your hubby talked about it a decided on 30 people. If it doesn’t sink in tell them they will have to be turned away bc their won’t be enough space and food.

This sounds like something my FMIL and FFIL would do to us. (We asked them if there is anyone they would like us to invite to avoid this very problem.)

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