Post # 1
So, me and the fiance bought a house together not too long ago and have decided to live in it together for half a year before renting somewhere else. At the same time, his family has decided to sell their old house and buy somewhere else. To make the transition easier for them, the fiance offered to let them to move in with us as we have enough space to accommodate them.
Fast forward a month and I can’t stand it. Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice people but we just do things differently. And even though it’s my home, they treat it as if it was theirs. Some of their annoying habits have been carried over into my house and despite bringing it up, they still do it. It’s like they don’t care how I feel at all. To make matters worse, the fiance will be working in another country for two months which means I have to live with his family ALONE during that time. I don’t want to make things awkward, but I feel as if I will lose my sanity during that time. I also don’t want to move out because it’s my house so why should I have to leave because they can’t follow basic instructions?!
Post # 2
What rules are you refering to? Weird to give any grown adults “rules”.
Post # 3
When living with other grown ups it is about compromise. My MIL stays with us for extended periods and we do pretty much everything differently. Yes, it is my house, but she is my guest and I pick my battles.
Post # 4
I’m with the PP who asked what rules they’re not following. Because there are some things where you may need to compromise and other things where they may need to get the fuck out.
How long is it going to take for them to buy a place and move? Did you have any agreements about how long their process would take or is this an open ended and indefinite arrangement?
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s weird to give adults rules at all. Since when does being an adult mean you can march around doing what you want?
I think your fiancé needs to sit down with them, go over the rules, and be firm. This is your house, if they don’t want to follow your house rules, they can find a rental.
It irks me when we have guests that don’t follow our house rules, but I let it go because they are guests, not living in my home long-term.
Post # 6
alex313 : Of course a house can have rules. An obvious one might be don’t smoke on the property. Others might be take your shoes off inside, don’t leave dirty dishes around, put the milk back in the fridge, turn the lights and TV off if you’re the last person to bed, where you can and can’t park your car, etc. And when you’re a guest at someone’s place, staying for free, you should expect there are rules, and follow them.
Post # 7
I think I would need to know what the “rules” are before I could comment.
Also, did they agree to follow said rules? Did you have a clear discussion where the four of you went over the house rules, or are you just complaining when they do something you don’t like?
Post # 8
I don’t think I’m an unreasonable person in this situation. My “rules” are more like requests to take their shoes off inside the house, stop turning off all the switches for everything once they’re done using it e.g. rice cooker, kettle, computer, tv. I’m used to having everything being turned on and ready for use.
Before they moved in, we sat down and told them that we would like shoes to be taken off before entering the house. Since his mother needs to sit down to put on her shoes, we decided to just allow them to do it inside the house but right where the door is where we’ve placed a chair at for them to sit on. Now they’re just walking around the living room area with it on and we’ve brought it up a few times but it’s seriously just falling on deaf ears.
There are other annoying things they do. Like their need to try and fix everything in the house that doesn’t even require fixing and we’ve had to tell them a few times to leave everything as is as we are renting it out later anyway.
They’re going to be staying with us for the six months or maybe even longer depending on how quickly they can sell their own house and buy a new one.
Post # 9
I totally get that you are in a really challenging situation- I would be pulling my hair out 100%. I do things my way and anything else aggravates my OCD.
But for sake of being an objective third party, I gotta say the “leave things on” rule is a little unreasonable. Taking shoes off is one thing, but the former kind of sounds like you want them to erase any signs of them having touched your things just for the sake of doing so.
“Fixing things that aren’t broken”– that would drive me mad, but IMO adults feel uncomfortable when they have to lean on younger people and they aren’t the best at expressing it. Perhaps they are trying to make themselves useful so they don’t feel like such a burden on you. I actually felt kind of bad for them when I read that.
Idk, like I said I would be super irritated. But for me, when I’m really annoyed at somebody, it helps to kind of sympathize with them.
Post # 10
Have you considered that the shoe issue may be more than just inconsideration? For many people, especially older people, shoes provide crucial support. Going without them indoors can be painful. And having to remove and put them back on multiple times a day can be hard on people with limited mobility, even with a chair.
Maybe try to think about the motivations behind their behavior. Maybe you can come up with some compromises that work for everyone.
Post # 11
The turning things off annoys me because every time I want to use the TV or computer, I have to crawl under the table and find the switch and turn it back on. Also, when you turn the rice cooker off, the rice inside becomes cold and hard and despite warming it up again, it doesn’t taste the same and when we brought it up, they got annoyed at us. We like having warm fluffy rice at the ready and having to constantly scoop it out and warm it up again especially if you’re in a rush gets a bit annoying.
As for the fixing things part, while we appreciate them trying to fix certain stuff, we simply don’t want it to be fixed because they’re so minor and aren’t causing us issues. I don’t want to leave the house only to come back and discovered they’ve changed some things without consulting us first.
Post # 12
you should offer to buy them a brand new pair of house-only shoes, never to be worn outdoors
Post # 13
lemonslimes : those are really annoying household items to have to turn back on. Is it rude to make little nicely worded reminder signs?
*Re-read your original post. If I understand correctly, you had only planned on living in that house for 6mo? One month down, 2 more your FI will be away, could you find a way to tactfully navigate moving early?
Post # 14
Having lived with housemates most of my adult life, everything you’ve brought up is a non-issue. Even the shoe thing, tbh.. That just sort of happens when you share a home with someone.
If it helps, remind yourself you’re going to be renting the place soon anyway–what does it matter if they get the carpet a little dirty (i can promise you your tenants will!) or if they fix some things that don’t need fixing (again, I can promise you your tenants will).
If it really kills you though, you can ask your DH to put pressure on them to buy a new home a little more quickly.. Some people don’t like sharing their personal space, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in that. It sounds like you and your DH are very particular and you have every right to be, if that’s what you need to be comfortable at home.
Post # 15
I’m not telling them to go barefoot inside the house. They have their own indoor slippers to wear which is something they did back in their old house too. The only difference is that back in their old house, they would wear their outdoor shoes around the house AND their indoor. I’m asking them nicely to be more considerate about the dirt and other nasties they could protentially bring into our home and take them off straight away instead of walking around with it on whenever they want and changing it whenever they feel like it.