Post # 1
So, I wanted a small wedding but was overruled by my groom and my mom. My parents are traditional Chinese and were excited about celebrating my marriage with family members and close friends. In the Chinese culture, the groom’s family pays for the celebration. My groom is part Chinese but was raised in the USA and very Americanized, and believe that my family should pay for the wedding.
My grooms has a large family and the guest list of just family members alone is 80-90 people. His parents refuse to assist in any expenses want my parents to pay for everything and they want their names on the invitation?!? Additionally, my MIL is always telling me I should include this or that in the weddings, so it doesn’t look to “cheap”. This PISSES me off, as they are well off financially, whereas myself, my groom and my parents struggle.
Due to the economy, my groom and I, don’t make as much anymore. We will be paying for everything else- the tea ceremony, church ceremony, cake, flowers, photographer, favors, drinks, alcohol, etc. I’m willing to pay for his immediate family to be at the reception but don’t think that I/we/my parents should pay for his entire family of 80-90 people.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I talk to them? I’m so upset and frustrated with them that I don’t even want to get married anymore.
Post # 3
You’re not being unreasonable, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. You and FI and whoever else is paying for the wedding should decide on a total guest count that’s affordable. That guest list should be split in a a fair way (half and half or 1/3 each for bride’s family, groom’s family and bride and groom). If you want, you can allow his parents to invite extra guests if they pay for them, but you’re not even obligated to do that.
PS When someone tells me to buy extras for the wedding so as not to look cheap, I usually say, “What a great idea, are you offering to pay for it?”
Post # 4
you are not being unreasonable. whomever is paying for the wedding chooses the size of the wedding – END OF STORY.
if they have a problem with that, they can cough up the cash or keep their mouths shut.
@girlwitharing – i totally do the same thing!!! “oh yeah that does sound cool – is that our wedding present from you???” LOL
Post # 5
Um… If they are not paying, they shouldn’t have any say in who to invite. Are they aware of your financial situation? It sounds ridiculous for them to expect your parents to pay for the whle wedding. The “brides’ side pays for the wedding” rule is long gone. Nowadays, it’s more common for the parents to chip in if they can help or the couples would pay on their own (and they get to pick who to invite!)
I don’t think you are being unreasonble. I think your FMIL needs to wake up and realize what she is expecting is ridiculous. My parents are traditional Chinese and my FILs are Americans and they both chipped in, knowing that we’d need the help. (Which my FI and I both appreciate so much.) I’d be pissed if I were you, too, if my FMIL expects us to pay for their huge family and you are under financial constraint. I think perhaps if you explain the situation to her, that you simply can’t afford to pay for such a big family, that they would be willing to pay for that part.
Since they are your FI’s parents, can’t your FI talk to them? GL!
Post # 6
I agree with the girls. You’re paying, you decide! You don’t have to invite any of their family members. Also, to say that in America the girls family pays is mostly outdated, now a days I think that most couples are paying for their wedding. It would be good to know what that statistic is to show your in-laws. sorry, this is your first taste of wedding planning. I hope everything works out.
Lastly, welcome to the Hive! I noticed it’s your first post!