(Closed) In-laws refuse to believe we’re getting married…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It doesn’t seem to make much sense to me either.  But I’d not question her about it directly. especially if you are hearing all these things second hand.   Your FI is her son and he should be the one asking.  Or maybe he has a sister or another family member who is sympathetic and could talk to his mother?

Post # 4
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have your fiance address it with his mother. Invite her to pick out your dress, if you haven’t already! 😉

Post # 5
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I think if anything, it should be your FI confronting his mom about her comments. Based on your last paragraph, it almost seems as if she’s trying to put him down…not you. Because she isn’t making these comments in front of you or to you speaks volumes to me. It’s almost as if she really likes you, but doesn’t trust him to keep it together with you to get married.

It doesn’t sound like your FI wants to confront his mom at all though, so I’m not sure that you doing it for him is going to be the right thing to do. I’m assuming that he tells you when she says things like this, and that’s what’s upsetting you more. Maybe he’s just doing it to vent b/c it bothers him too. But if he’s not willing to say something to her about it, I don’t think it’s your place to say something.

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with 2PeasinaPod. I’d love to tell you that you should ask her about it, but I also think it’s true that she’s making these comments to put down your FI, and unfortunately he’s allowing it to happen. Until he’s had enough, nothing will change.

Post # 9
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like a combination of reasons for the behavior.

Disapproval for the way you’re living, lack of support for your FI (mb they believe he’s not the type to go through with commitments?), disappointment over past times when it didn’t happen (like the courthouse you mentioned). 

Seems kind of passive aggressive to me. If it were me I’d try my best to ignore it and find a few things to include FI’s mom and family with. Maybe ask someone from his side to be a BM. Ask opinions about the type of food. Send them your proposed guest list for his side and ask what they think.

Maybe small bits of inclusion and them seeing that things are moving will help them feel more positive. Kind of a yucky situation, I’m sorry.

Post # 10
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think your FI should be standing up for your relationship. I would be peeved if my SO heard his mother say something like that and he didn’t do anything about it.

It really seems to make no sense that all the sudden your in laws are acting like this… maybe your FMIL is just freaked out now that her son is actually getting married?

Post # 12
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think getting her involved will help.  She’ll either stop the comments, or start making them to your face- which will give you the opening to talk about them with her.

Post # 13
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think the e-mail is a good idea. Just try and make it as nice as you can. Hopefully she will answer you without getting mad. Just let her know how much it is really bothering you and let her know that THERE WILL BE A WEDDING and she had better get used to it now and that she needs to stop telling people it might not happen. Hope it all works out for you.

Post # 14
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Pwitty: oh ok, seems like a passive aggressive family then, if even the original suggestion for getting married was passive aggressive, lol.

With that type of person I’ve found the best way to treat them is kind and blunt. Blunt to throw off subtle digs and kind to throw off rudeness.

Good luck! Dealing with a new family with different manners/ways than your own always feels like juggling jello.

Post # 15
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My FMIL is like that too – and we’re getting married in a week! I don’t think she believes it’s actually happening… 

but the worst is when she talks about us having a baby like that. Like she dismisses the idea that we’d like to start TTC as soon as we’re married. For the record he’s 46, I’m 31 and we’ve been together 11 years.. it’s been a long thought-out process this marriage and a baby thing, we are MORE than ready.

Guess she’ll see next weekend at our wedding that we’re really for real doing it! 

It’s tough not having the support from them, but just prove them wrong. 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

@Pwitty: My only advise, if you do choose to confront her on the issue, do not do it over email. Emails can be misread very easily, and she might not feel the sincerety or hurt in your words. I would openly discuss it as adults, in person, or via phone.

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