Post # 1
So, my FI just proposed to me very recently, and not even a week later, his mom and step dad evidently decided to get “re-engaged” after being married for 13 years. I kind of feel like they are trying to upstage us or something. It’s hard to describe but It’s completely weird that after how rude she was to me saying that the ring I got was “too big” and “too gaudy,” they go off and get a new ring and say that they are engaged again. She has been very rude to me since the begining about how her pawn shop little old ring was just enough and she was happy with it and how I don’t need a nice ring, just one good enough etc.
I tried to be polite when she was showing off her new ring and tell her it was nice, but in my mind I’m like, “are you kidding me.” It was hard to feel excited for her since, not only is she already married, but when my FI and I announced our engagement, she was incredibly rude to us. On top of insulting me for my ring, she accused me of stealing away her favorite child and kept going on about how all her kids are leaving her and how the world did her wrong etc (Did I mention she was a major alcoholic?)… We didn’t even get a simple congrats, it was just all depressing. We couldn’t stand to stay there long because of how negative the environment was and ended up leaving to visit his real dad to tell him instead. He thankfully was ecstatic for us, called me his daughter, and was calling aunts and uncles and grandparents to announce our engagement.
Am I wrong to have sore feelings about this all with his mom and step dad? I know it’s not a perfect world and that it doesn’t revolve around my FI and I, but I feel like this an exciting new stage in our relationship and his parents already had their moment, why can’t they just let us have ours now too? I just don’t think it’s ok that while we’re planning our wedding, they decide that they are going to get “married” again and plan another wedding at the same time as us.
Post # 3
@crisy003: That is so bizarre! I think you are totally justified in feeling upset, and I think in this case it sounds like your FMIL is indeed trying to steal the spotlight from you and your FI.
My advice is to refrain from sharing your planning details with your FMIL, and just try to ignore her. Chances are the other people around you see what she is trying to do, and will continue to be excited for you.
Post # 4
First, CONGRATULATIONS on getting engaged!!!
Second, you can feel whatever you want. The more important question is what you should do about it. And the answer to that question is smile kindly and congratulate them and be happy with your own engagement. They can’t ruin your moment unless you let them.
Yeah, I’ve never heard of someone being “re-engaged”, so that’s a little weird. But it doesn’t have anything to do with your engagement, so who cares? Roll your eyes (where she can’t see you!) and move on. If she’s not being supportive, find people that are – the bees are excited for your!
Post # 5
Congrats on your engagement!!!!!
Yeah uhm… I’d keep my wedding plans FAR away from that piece of work.
And also – good on you for stealing her favorite kid! Sounds like you rescued him!! 😀
Post # 6
Im surprised to hear about FILs who are acting even nuttier than mine. So so odd. What they are doing is extremely strange but try not to let it get to you. Obviously they have some jealousy or security issues with you and your FI. It’s sad that they can’t just be happy for you and enjoy your engagement and wedding planning, but you should go on with your plans and try to just smile and ignore them probably. I have a feeling they might keep getting weirder And you should try to stay out of it.
Post # 7
Oh, man! Sorry you have to deal with such a crazy wretch!
Post # 8
It’s not personal. Don’t take it personal, don’t let it give you bad feelings. Just realize how insecure she obviously is and shake your head.
logical advice aside I’d be pretty annoyed too
Post # 9
@crisy003: Wowza. She sounds jealous, insecure, and…..wow.
Do as PP state, keep her as far away as possible from wedding planning. Common responses to intrusive people trying to take over weddings I’ve found on the Bee include:
“It’s a surprise you will see at the wedding”
“FI and I have already decided on that”
“Thank you for your suggestion but FI and I will decided on that”
Repeat until it works. If it doesn’t, keep repeating. Allow someone else to throw you a shower too.
Post # 10
@LuvMySailor: That’s some good advice! I don’t think they would even think to throw us a shower honestly, I don’t think the would even pay for a reception dinner at McDonald’s to put it in the nicest way possible. I think most of the planning will be between me and my mom, sister, MOH, and FI. So glad my FIL’s don’t believe in the internet! Haha, can you imagine if she saw what I’ve filled my pinterest account with? Oh boy, I can just imagine the insults. Oh well, my FI loves my ideas and I think we will pull off an incredible wedding, even if his mom is left in the dark until the day arrives! 🙂 I think my mom would love to throw the shower, she’s been bragging a little lately about what an amazing party planner she is so I think I’ll leave that in her hands 😉
Post # 11
I think your FMIL are just jealous of your engagement ring and decided since yours is better than hers. She need to steal the spot light from you to revenge you have a nice engagement ring…
Just leave this person out of your mind, at least your FI real dad are excited for you. Stay with people who truly happy and excited for you instead of those who are cold and negative.
Post # 12
I have learned from dealing with my FMI that you just need to breathe and focus on your day. My FMI tried to get me to do everything her way and when I didn’t she still found a way to make me feel like everything would be awful.
I feel like maybe they just see it as losing their babies? OR they are just competitive by nature and have to upstage any female?
My FMI keeps telling me that my wedding is her vacation and I just get a few hours the night of the wedding to be a bride and to remember that.
Post # 13
Well first things first- CONGRATS!!!!
Second of all- there is no such ” thing ” as getting re-engaged. If you are married… that’s it. You can’t be engaged to be married if you are ALREADY MARRIED. I assure you any and everyone who hears about it realizes what a joke it is.
Post # 14
ugh is she going to have a re-marriage to go along with her re-egagement? That’s what I would be worried about. She sounds very self centered and I could see her setting a date around your wedding.
Post # 15
@crisy003: Sounds like a bunch of loonies! At least she wears her crazy on the outside, and eggregiously. You seem to have tht attidude about all of this.
Post # 16
@crisy003: She’s clearly got issues. And she’s clearly not very happy with her little pawn shop ring if A. She has to use it as an example to shame you about yours and B. Just goes out and gets another one.
Re engaged? So then they’re having another wedding? Are they 12?
She’s got issues, just let her be a total nut and try to avoid her and don’t talk to her about the wedding if and when it can be helped.