In Laws Seem Concerned that DH and I are headed for Divorce. . . we're not!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

mchitt329:  Wow, what!??  They sound a little nuts, no??  Luckily I haven’t had this problem.  I don’t even know what to say!  Way to jump to conclusions!  

Post # 3
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh no, that must be so frustrating! If I were in your shoes I think I would let your husband deal with it, just making it very clear that there’s NO reason for them to worry and that he would appreciate if they would calm down a little and not try to make a hen when there’s not even a feather to start with.

Post # 6
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You absolutely did the right thing by not going! No one wants to be the jerk that gets the baby sick, and if you know you’re potentially contagious, why expose more people? 

He should just email and say “thank you for your concern, but we’re very happy together”. And then drop it. And it goes without saying, that if you do have a fight or disagreement, don’t bring them into it. 

Post # 7
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow–that’s insane! If my husband didn’t show up with me to something, my family would juts assume he had to work or that he wasn’t feeling well. So bizarre to go to the extreme they did. 

@MariContrary: Spot on advice!

Post # 8
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

mchitt329:  This seems really crazy!  My first thought was what you said, that perhaps DH’s parents have experienced a similar situation in their marriage with long absences, and something bad happened.  Or if not them, then whether another couple close to them had that happen.  Either way, I think it has more to do with their own personal baggage than you!

Post # 9
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Weird. You may be right that they are projecting whatever happened to them onto your situation…both my husband and I travel a lot and it’s not ideal to be away from each other so much but it makes the time together that much better. So don’t worry about that part of it!

As for not going because you didn’t feel well, that’s totally okay! I agree to let your husband deal with this uncharacteristic craziness. 

Post # 10
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That’s so obnoxious! Do you think your husband has talked about problems he has with you/you guys have when you weren’t there to defend yourself? That is such a paranoia-inducing question, sorry.

TBH, if I were you I would just roll my eyes and carry on.

Post # 11
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Can’t you just explain the situation to them? Just in a nice, casual way say “oh my gosh I’m so embarassed that I didn’t show up to Mother’s Day and didn’t even call or send along a message. I hope DH explained to you but I wanted to apologize for not coming. I was sick. I wanted to come but I didn’t want to get the baby sick.” Note: I know you’re “apologizing” here when you have no need to apologize, but it’s just a nice way of saying it. If they ask about teh staet of your marriage, just politely laugh it off “oh wow, I didn’t know my absense would make it look like we’re divorcing, but I guess with him leaving soon it looks suspicious. Don’t worry! We’re very happy! We’re happy that he’ll only have to be gone for 4 months instead of 9!” And then just leave it alone and make sure you two always show a united front.

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