In-laws talk bad about me to my baby girl

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sasi:  She’s three months old. She didn’t understand. It was probably just, “grandma misses you, she doesn’t see you” baby talk or a not so subtle message to you that they want to visit more. You don’t always have to be the ones who drive, let them come to you. 

If my kid was old enough to understand and my ILs legitimately talked badly about me to the kid, that would be the last time they saw my kid. This just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me at all. They didn’t call you a bitch or say you’re a bad mom. 

Post # 4
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with MrsPanda99. It doesn’t sound, from what you said here, that they were being malicious–they just want to see their grandkid more.  

Post # 5
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@sasi:  I mean… its not like the baby knows what she is saying. I can see being upset if she was talking about you to a four year old and saying mean things, but telling a baby they don’t see them enough doesn’t sound so bad.

Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with your MIL and let her know that you heard and you feel uncomfortable?

Post # 6
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Saying that they don’t see her as much as they want isnt exactly trash taking you imo.

Post # 7
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you are not a native speaker are you sure you are not interpreting  benign or light hearted comments as being serious?   Could they have just meant they  are so in love with the baby that no amount of seeing her is ever enough?  Or that they wish you would stay there longer?  What kind of comments did they make about you in the past?  Unless there is more to the story, this just sounds like the normal kind of stuff that grandparents tend to say.  

If you are convinced that their tone of voice and  intentions were angry, not benign,  and since your H doesn’t seem to want to handle it, I would address them directly, and ask what they meant. I can hardly imagine these people want  to risk their relationship with a new baby granddaughter.  

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It really depends what she said. If she is saying “Your mommy is a b-word because I never see you” I would get mad. But if it is more like “Mommy is sooo mean because she doesn’t share you with me” it is more innocent.

Post # 10
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hm, so your daughter doesn’t understand what they are saying now, so whatever they say isn’t the end of the world. But I think that this is definitely something you want to keep an eye on for the future, and make sure you get  your husband on board. 

It may be nothing…but it also could be something do put a stop to for the future. 

Post # 11
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@sasi:  Thanks for clearing that up.  Sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion!

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@sasi:  I’ll probably end up in the same predicament as you in a little while becuase my MIL is already going on about how we never see her and how she will never see her grandbaby.

Anyway, in your case, your 3 month old didn’t understand so I’d let it go for now. Yes, it’s annoying, and I know you are trying your hardest.

However, once your child IS old enough to understand and starts to repeat things grandma has said THEN I would suggest talking to DH and figuring out how to handle visits. They should never be allowed to talk bad about you no matter how young the child is (so if they are calling you names and you hear it, call them out on it), but if they are merely saying, “We never see you, little baby” I’d let that one go with an eye roll. You know the effort you are making.

I don’t know of many grandparents that would truly be happy with the amount of time with their grandbaby, even if they saw him/her every other day.

Post # 16
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@sasi:  I don’t see how telling a baby that they don’t see her enough is talking bad about you…They’re grandparents.  If my parents got their way, they’d see their grandkids every waking minute of every day. 

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