- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2004
I was a very innocent girl when I got married.I trusted everybody,even my in-laws,and even put-away thoughts of the taunts I got from my MIL regarding the fact taht I didn’t get a dowry(i chose not to give a dowry).Though it hurt me a lot……But as a year passed,I ended up bursting.She would make fun of my looks,she asked me to change the way my chin looked,she would abuse me verbally even by mistake i would pour a little more oil for frying,she would taunt me telling how she had got proposals for my husband where the girlls were very rich…..Please note:I had no issues with my looks.I am not boasting,but this is a fact.People compliment about my looks…..Initially I used to actually feel inferior,just being 21 and froma joint family where I just saw love,unity,acceptance,sharing responsibilities.
But,in my case ,here in the joint family it was not what i saw in my huuuuge joint family.I was used like a servant.When my FIL and MIL because FIL got transferred to another place due to job posting,till I got pregnant,I cooked for 5 ppl(including me) in the house, a full bfast,lunch(paccked),dinner etc for around 9 months…And I would not get help from even one person -2 BILs,hubby and SIL.SIL is just a year younger to me.I used to travel to-and-fro 4 hrs totally to work and still take care of cooking ,keeping house clean,buying groceries etc all by myself.I used to keep begging that I get some help,but never my hubby had guts to tell them.I broke down.To make it worse,in privacy my MIL would make fun of me/tell I was not the right girl for her son.It hurt me alot.Sometimes I feel I was doing so much for them inspite of all that mental and physical torture because I wanted them to “accept” me as a family.But Alas,it never happened.She wud act very innocent in front of my hubby calling me sweet names etc,that perhaps till now he has never believed me,i dont know….There were 3 explosions of my emotions in 4 years that I was there in that house,because I had to held back all the tension in my life.I know it looks bad – I even tried commiting suicide….I was doing very wel at my job,getting awards and good ratings,and she would use it to show-off about in front of her friends to compete with their DILs, but otherwise if i told her some good news ,she wud go like “oh”.full stop…but when my hubby wud get some gud news,she wud jump around,praising him out of bounds.I dont intend to be jealous,but it hurt me,because I got to know that things werent normal.I just needed a smile atleast.She always considered me as a competiotion..Funny part is ,as I said regarding my looks,incase her friends/family wud praise my looks she wud just give abig grin,and avoid my face.But, she wud come and tell me that in her native everybody praises looks of my hubby though he is dark…Thinking back,I now dont see it as a superiority complex but an inferiority complex she had on me……I feel bad that i wasted my time being sad on her.I wud literally close the door and cry everyday when i used to be there.i choose not to recall the other thinggs she did.she wud even make me believe i am ugly.its funny that i sometimes believed it inspite of the compliments i got…..it was just innocency……
all this background i said because i want someone give a solution to my issue now.After that 3rd outbirst I had int hat house,I walked out with my 1 year old daughter.I had enough of depression.I was tired of holding back and crying.With lot of difficulty hence we started staying in another house.All these years since then we have been building our marriage that we havent had,to spent quality time with each other.those days in that house we cudnt even speak to each other in privacy,she wud pop up in every conversation and ask for an explanation on what we were talking.I learn malayalam FOR her.And she makes fun of me that i dont know “proper” malayalam and that she doesnt like it that i talk to my daughter in my language(her hubby mother tongue is my language,but he changed to malayalam to his kids also).But I dont care about it.Because unlike her,I never controlled my hubby not to talk to his daughter in malayalam.
Problem now is : for a year,she has been trying to convince my hubby that we need to build houses together(her 3 children).We visit each other once in 2-3 weeks.Phone calls are always there between her and my hubby(and i have no issue about htat).But,I dont like her deciding where we choose to live and how we livet.All these days I kept quiet and smile about it,because my hubby “assured” me that it wont happen because i was getting nightmares when i wud think about it.I was in depression tablets for a year.My SIL is now married,and she wants the houses to be near her office….but when that didnt seem to affect my hubby,now they started saying that the houses cud be all near his office.Now my hubby has started falling for it.I am petrified.I can feel my heart beating hard.I dont want to be a punch bag to that family ,neither a cook cum free maid,especially to my SIL.I can act the love as much of acting they do to me for max 2 days rhtat we see each other in the weekends,but not beyond that.I hate her and her daughter’s face.Over that she acts so much in front of my hubby that i sometimes think if he believes me after that when i tell him things that she said in privacy.She is that good at acting.I hate her.I am scared she will train my daughter aslo to become lik eher daughter who does no work in the house.My SIL got married recently and her hubby does most of the cooking(1 year since they got married).I feel really bad.Very bad..and very insecure.I dont know what to do.
Also,some months back, my FIL got a passbook printed out without my consent.He is in a very high post in the bank and he can easily look into my acocunt.there was even a day that my MIL once had a doubt htat she had “apparently” kept her gold in my locker…..Recenlty my hubby had a doubt that I was not spending enogh(since beginning days of marriage we spent based on our pay check amt ratio-wise).I let him open my account thru web and check,only then he beieved.I’ve been an open book to him……SOmetimes i feel he is a nice man,but he is ver innocent,and falls for all these unnecessry bad thoughts that she imbibes in him…She doesnt like it when he does anything for me.I want to trust him.I hope my trust is true.Or am I trusting him too much?
She butters him by treating him like a baby though he is 34 years old.It looks silly the way she talks to him as if he is 2 yrs old( i am not exxhagerating)it is embarassing as a wife,because i wanted to be married to a “man” not a “kid”.But i think in his perspective,he may think that she is so nice that he has to make her happy even if i get depressed?I dont know.I was told that i too need to act like that to gain him in- but i dont want to act silly – i want to show my love to him in a genuine way,treating him like a grown up.
I know this post was too long…but this is just my frustration