In-laws trying to turn our honeymoon into a family vacation

posted 3 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 3
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh man…yikes!

Here’s what I’d tell them:

“We want to thank you so much for offering to pay for our honeymoon.  The trip you’ve envisioned sounds amazing, but like more of a family vacation.  We’d love to do that with you a different time, but we’d prefer to plan something private for our honeymoon, which we of course will pay for on our own.”

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cbgg:  +1

 

Post # 7
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Tachetetreasures:  Ooh no! I feel you on this one. I would MUCH rather do something alone with my husband on our honeymoon. Later vacations together? Sure. I love my in laws.

Is it the kind of situation where it might be possible to recant your agreement to go with them? 

Would you prefer to take a less fancy trip alone? 

Another thought. Would it be possible to go off together for a whole couple of days? This would especially work in Italy. Like, if everyone is in Florence for the week you could take off to Pisa for a night and be totally alone. Not so possible on a cruise though.

It’s so tough! You don’t want to appear ungrateful. OF COURSE it’s a nice gesture. But you want to be alone for your honeymoon. Totally understandable.

Post # 8
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I guess I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t see anything wrong with that. I get alone time with FI all the time and we have the rest of our lives to be alone. If a family member wants to sponsor a family vacation right after the wedding and agree to give us some space once in a while, sure! That sounds like a blast!

Just another perspective 🙂 Hopefully it works out the way you want it to.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
6 posts
Newbee

@Tachetetreasures:  

 

Listen to @cbgg: , I was going to say the same thing except a little more bluntly.

Pay for your own honeymoon. 

Post # 11
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like any other occasion when someone thinks  that paying for something gives them control over the planning, there is a solution.

Simply decline the funding offered for your honeymoon and make your own plans.

Post # 12
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think I would turn down a free trip to Italy, provided I liked my inlaws well enough. Could you do a “minimoon” somewhere more affordable/close by for a few days to have your alone time?

Post # 13
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Tachetetreasures:  This is a tough situation!

Personally it wouldn’t really be my cup of tea. Have you traveled with his family before? People often have distinct traveling styles and your honeymoon may not be the best time to practice meshing not just yours and his but also with his entire family. I love my in-laws and I like traveling with them, but there is a lot of patience and compromise involved for everyone that I wouldn’t have wanted to mess with on our honeymoon.

Also, it depends on your and your FIs personalities. My husband is what I call a “groupist” he loves to be in groups, with his family and friends especially. I am a “couplist” I need time just for the two of us, and sometimes time just by myself as well. It is hard for my husband to take space and for his family to give space (I consider them “groupists” too). Even when we plan to have space, it doesn’t always work out as I imagine it will. Just something else to think about.

Could you go on this family vacation/honeymoon and plan a later mini-moon just the two of you?

Post # 14
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Westwood:  +1

Honestly, I would just suck it up for the “family” part and take the free trip. The alternative is turning down their help paying for the honeymoon at all because I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying no to their plans and asking them to pay for something else.

 

Post # 15
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is my worst nightmare!  My FILs have offered to pay, too, but knowing FI’s mom she might try to tag along… We haven’t worked out any details at all yet, but if they do try to turn it into a family vacation, FI and I will politely turn down the money and do a honeymoon we can afford.  This might mean doing something very simple instead of what we’re currently planning (Amalfi coast and a few days in Milan to see the World’s Fair), but it’s important for us to spend our honeymoon alone,celebrating married life, and creating memories of just the two of us.

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