Post # 1
So my Fiances parents have offered to pay for our honeymoon, but now they are trying to turn it into a family vacation! They want to do something really luxurious like a cruise or staying in italy, but they are planning on coming and inviting his sister and her husband too! They are saying they would stay in a different room and would give us our alone time but I still would much rather just spend it with my new husband. The problem is that we can’t afford anything nearly this luxurious on our own, and we also feel bad because we were already pressured into saying yes because they didn’t give us time to talk about it in private.
This is partially just a rant, but if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this feel free to let me know.
Post # 3
Here’s what I’d tell them:
“We want to thank you so much for offering to pay for our honeymoon. The trip you’ve envisioned sounds amazing, but like more of a family vacation. We’d love to do that with you a different time, but we’d prefer to plan something private for our honeymoon, which we of course will pay for on our own.”
Post # 6
Hells to the no. And awkward.
Post # 7
@Tachetetreasures: Ooh no! I feel you on this one. I would MUCH rather do something alone with my husband on our honeymoon. Later vacations together? Sure. I love my in laws.
Is it the kind of situation where it might be possible to recant your agreement to go with them?
Would you prefer to take a less fancy trip alone?
Another thought. Would it be possible to go off together for a whole couple of days? This would especially work in Italy. Like, if everyone is in Florence for the week you could take off to Pisa for a night and be totally alone. Not so possible on a cruise though.
It’s so tough! You don’t want to appear ungrateful. OF COURSE it’s a nice gesture. But you want to be alone for your honeymoon. Totally understandable.
Post # 8
I guess I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t see anything wrong with that. I get alone time with FI all the time and we have the rest of our lives to be alone. If a family member wants to sponsor a family vacation right after the wedding and agree to give us some space once in a while, sure! That sounds like a blast!
Just another perspective 🙂 Hopefully it works out the way you want it to.
Post # 10
Listen to @cbgg: , I was going to say the same thing except a little more bluntly.
Pay for your own honeymoon.
Post # 11
Like any other occasion when someone thinks that paying for something gives them control over the planning, there is a solution.
Simply decline the funding offered for your honeymoon and make your own plans.
Post # 12
I don’t think I would turn down a free trip to Italy, provided I liked my inlaws well enough. Could you do a “minimoon” somewhere more affordable/close by for a few days to have your alone time?
Post # 13
@Tachetetreasures: This is a tough situation!
Personally it wouldn’t really be my cup of tea. Have you traveled with his family before? People often have distinct traveling styles and your honeymoon may not be the best time to practice meshing not just yours and his but also with his entire family. I love my in-laws and I like traveling with them, but there is a lot of patience and compromise involved for everyone that I wouldn’t have wanted to mess with on our honeymoon.
Also, it depends on your and your FIs personalities. My husband is what I call a “groupist” he loves to be in groups, with his family and friends especially. I am a “couplist” I need time just for the two of us, and sometimes time just by myself as well. It is hard for my husband to take space and for his family to give space (I consider them “groupists” too). Even when we plan to have space, it doesn’t always work out as I imagine it will. Just something else to think about.
Could you go on this family vacation/honeymoon and plan a later mini-moon just the two of you?
Post # 14
Honestly, I would just suck it up for the “family” part and take the free trip. The alternative is turning down their help paying for the honeymoon at all because I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying no to their plans and asking them to pay for something else.
Post # 15
This is my worst nightmare! My FILs have offered to pay, too, but knowing FI’s mom she might try to tag along… We haven’t worked out any details at all yet, but if they do try to turn it into a family vacation, FI and I will politely turn down the money and do a honeymoon we can afford. This might mean doing something very simple instead of what we’re currently planning (Amalfi coast and a few days in Milan to see the World’s Fair), but it’s important for us to spend our honeymoon alone,celebrating married life, and creating memories of just the two of us.
Post # 16
@JackiBean: We live with his parents right now, and while we wont be at the time of the wedding you can imagine why we want some alone time lol.
@ZMCP: If money grew on trees and we could plan on affording anything more than a night in a hotel in the same state, I wouldnt even be having this discussion.