In-laws visiting: RANT AHEAD!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

gingerspice:  I would have a big problem with that. I would probably walk into the room and see here cleaning the vaccume and say something like “Excuse me but I dont think you reall need to be cleaning my vaccume. Thanks for trying to help but this isnt working for me. I need you to just be a guest and let me take care of my own house.” 

And I would be HUGELY offended if she tried to kick me out of my kitchen. I would go straight to mean there. I would litterally say something like “I need you to get out of my kitchen. Im cooking and do not need someone to take over for me.”

Im a very no bullshit kind of person so I would have told her no a while ago. Im sure other bees will have more sensitive ways to deal with this but just know that you feeling uncomfortable is (A) Normal and (B) Not ok for her to make you feel that way. I dont care whos culture this is.

Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

gingerspice:  My ex MIL used to do that. I finally learned to relax and enjoy it. My house was always spotless after her visits.

Post # 4
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

Wow! You are (almost) lucky. When my MIL used to visit, she’d plop her butt down on a chair and only get up to come to the dining room table. On the odd-chance that she’d come into the kitchen, to offer to help make supper, she’d pick at the food being prepared so much, she wouldn’t be hungry later.

 

Post # 6
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

Please ask your MIL to come over to my house and clean out my vaccuum cleaner. I HATE doing that! Also, if she’s a good cook, I’m more than happy to have her take over my kitchen. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

gingerspice:  I don’t think it is rude for her to offer to help. The only rude thing is for her to tell you that you’re doing it wrong.  There are many ways to skin a cat. My mom used to complain about the way I used to do some things.  My argument was as long as the outcome is the same it doesn’t matter. If I’m doing something,  I do it my way; if she does it, she can do it her way.

What is wrong with her washing the dishes? Unless she doesn’t clean well, a dishwasher does not automatically mean better. 

Post # 8
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

gingerspice:  Before she comes in future, invest in a cleaner to make it spotless (while you’re busy being fabulous) so there is nothing to do 😉

I don’t mind. Mine adjusts the blind that has a fold in the corner.. or starts emptying the dishwasher (and drying it with a tea towel.. I mean hello? It’s dried already…) They’re just mothering about the place. The best bit is she has a cleaner.. ahhahah.

It doesn’t bother me. I see it as helping out. I do discourage it though, because it embarrasses me that a guest is “working.”

So, keep mentioning that old adage: “No, no, no (usher out with sweeping hand movement), you’re a GUEST ! (call to boyf: Would you seat your mother in the lounge and get her a drink?”

Mumble things like: “my, my you’re like a whirlwind ! We all need to settle down and have a nice time now”

etc etc

should work, you just have to ‘own’ your territory 😉 Be a larger than life host and they’ll all do exactly as you say.

Post # 9
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I can totally relate! My bf’s parents are of Mediterranean background and in their culture the mother really takes an important role in the house, regardless of whether their children are grown up! She literally comes to our house while we’re at work and does our garden. I don’t mind since I truly suck at gardening and she’s amazing at it. When my in laws come to our house for dinner, she BRINGS US A FULL MEAL. I mean, how embarrassing? Like I can’t cook dinner? haha. I learned that she really doesn’t mean it in an insulting way. She knows my bf and I work all day at pretty stressful jobs (I’m a lawyer and he’s a computer programmer) and she’s a homemaker so she’s just happy to do it for us. At first I was a bit offended by it and thought it was kinda odd but now I really appreciate it. Plus, she’s an amazing cook. It’s just in her culture to mother and nurture her sons even if they’re grown men. Maybe that’s the case for your in laws as well? What’s they cultural background? Perhaps you could find a way to compromise and meet in the middle?

Post # 10
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

( although I would be insulted if she would tell me I’m doing something wrong ) I guess it depends how she says it too. Like, is she trying to “teach” you how to do something or is she completely telling you your way or wrong for no particular reason?

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